Sunday, January 31, 2010
The saddest thing in the world, is loving someone who used to love you
....and i seriously cannot do that to you.
time has come for me to let you go
love has come and passed us by.
in my dreams, you were so much better.
eyes as dark as the night,
laughter as strong as the wind
in my dreams,
our love was strong,
Shakespeare couldn't write a story to rival it
in my dreams,
you heart was so pure,
character so infallible
in my dreams,
we had so much sexual tension,
we discovered electricity
in my dreams,
we were cupid's best shot,
he had to retire after us
in my dreams,
you were created just for me and i for you
in my dreams,
my whole body for once was in sync,head, heart, body and soul
in my dreams,
you were my eternal love, my forever and ever
in my dreams,
i was the lightning and you were the thunder.
and we meet in the skies where dreams come through
in my dreams,
you were you and i was me
and it was that you i fell in love with in the first place
it was better in my dreams,
when life was sunny and the future, bright and certain
and then i met you,
and you said: 'pull my finger'
in my dreams, you were perfect
i should have left you there.
I'm giving up on love cause love is giving up on me.
anyway, i was going to write a post called 'unique little me' and then i realised that i dont really have that much that makes me unique(i thought i was the only one who slept in the nude but twitter suddenly shattered that dream for me...mscheww).
so i decided that maybe we could do a post called 'unique little blogville'..or something like that anyway.
so how it works is that you send me things that you think makes you unique and ill compile all of them and put them on my next blogpost.it doesnt matter if someone else does that thing or has that thing or says that thing as long as it makes you feel special then it is unique to you. and it doesnt have to be only things unique to you, you can tell me what you think about stuff, anything can be sent to me and ill compile them and use it for my next blogpost.
if you want to be anon with your unique stuff, then just let me know when you send the stuff that makes you unique...you can email me on firstname.lastname@example.org.
i hope all of you participate anyway.
best fb status:My attitude toward men who mess around is simple: If you find 'em, kill 'em.
dont forget to mail something in please.
have a great week.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
to the babies that i am going to give birth to some time in the future by God's grace.
lets start with the holidays.
- christmas - no, there is no white man running around nigeria giving gifts on christmas day...no, i will not lie and tell you that there is one either.if you are lucky and im in such good mood and for a reason that im still trying to figure out i decide to buy you guys gifts for christmas..you will know quite alright that mummy spent her hard earned money to buy you those gifts.
if for any reason which i still havent figured out, i end up raising a family in this country..then it is your duty to go around bursting your classmates' bubbles and telling them the truth about santa claus.
no, he doesnt exist.no, you do not have a chimney so how exactly did santa claus come on christmas day...no your parents ate the cookies and glass of milk...and yes, go and thank your parents for the gifts and stop yelling about how santa claus got you just what you wanted.
- curfew: my curfew was 6pm in the evening and this post is being written cos hopefully, i get to raise my kids in nigeria. your butt should be home before six and you only get to go out on weekends and when i say weekends you should know that i only mean on saturday. no, i am not being strict..i just want you to learn how to sit your butt at home and not be jumping from one house to another like your own father's house is pursuing you.
-easter: easter is the time in which we celebrate the fact that Jesus died for our sins.no, we will not be doing any egg hunts.egg hunts?EGG HUNTS? you better not touch my eggs..you will jejely eat my fried rice and chicken, go to church and go to sleep. and no there is not easter bunny...you see rabbits all the time..do they look like they are designed to serve as an easter father christmas?didnt think so too.
- tooth fairy: you will not be finding money under your pillows, so yeah, do not litter my house with those milk teeth. no fairy is coming to our house cos first of all, all the windows as you know are going to be closed and im sitting here in front of my laptop trying to figure out how exactly that woman is going to come into my house. if for any reason she manages to get into the house..the house alarm is def going off and the police is so coming to get her ass!
im thinking that whoever started the story of a tooth fairy is possibly a huge pediphile...what the hell are you doing in a little kid's room in the night and then proceed to give them money for what exactly?
you are grounded!- what the heck are you getting grounded for? my dear you are getting some good old fashioned beating. i didnt kill my mother and you are so not going to kill me. i dont want you to end up being one of those disturbed individuals that show up on dr. phil to air their dirty linens in public. no sire.
i first give you the eye first= you ignore me
i shout at you= you mouth off at me
then you are so going to get your ass beaten. and ofcourse your dad is so going to hear about it!!
grades: this is one that we are so going to discuss when i see you in a couple of years...start preparing and reading now cos you are seriously going to be smart....you will need it.
- just finished my chE homework and decided to write a post cos im going to be really busy and i might not have the time to write a post any time soon.
- so these are some of the things im so not going to let my kids believe in or do...tell me one thing-you have to tell me just one thing, so choose well-that you cant let your kids ever do under your watch.
best fb status: a breakup is like a broken mirror, its better to leave it broken than to get hurt trying to fix it.
2.) After Monday(M) and Tuesday(T), even the week asks WTF?
have a great week ahead...i do wish you a fruitful week.
study hard and work hard oh...we need those grades to start making that money soon(he he he, sweetness).:-)dont diet.
Monday, January 25, 2010
i love the subject chemistry and i love chemistry too. when i was young my mum would tell my dad that a couple's chemistry was really strong...and my sisters would come home and complain about their chemistry teacher...and well at a young age i put two and two together and got six and figured that if you pass the class then a boy would love you very much...or you could make him love you...but i wondered why hot girls like my sisters didnt have boyfriends because they were passing the class...so i figured it was because they didnt like the class.
then i got into primary five and got my first mills and boons from my bestfriend at that time...and the emphasis on chemistry was also there...i didnt fully understand the novel cos i was just in primary five but i loved the way it made me feel...made me believe that i was going to find the man that i loved and we'd fall in love and get married and live happily ever after.oh boy! did romance novels ruin me or what?i read all types historical,modern..name it...got into secondary school and it became worse..became aware of guys..and thought i was going to find a guy that i'd date through out secondary school...till date i don't know what happened to my plan..i dont know what happened to the date as much as you can..lol.
what brought this up you might ask? i just spoke to a friend of mine,'mee'..and i asked her about her boyfriend 'zeze'..and
me: zeze kwanu?
mee:he is fine oh,hes in school..but we talk everyday.
me:oh,you guys are still together? how long now?
mee:2years,7 months and five days
me:lol.na wa oh,you know it down to the day?..good for you..im happy for people like you oh..if its me i'd feel trapped.
mee:me i feel trapped
me:then why are you still in the relationship?
mee:because i still love him and i cant leave him...noway.
me:its good your in love oh,lol,but this one your saying noway...did you people do life convenant?
mee:lol, no oh..even though i feel trapped,i still love him and i know he loves me too and zeze is a wonderful boy.
you know what shut me up?the fact that she said he is a wonderful boy..not he is cute..which he is...i dont know how you will love someone and still feel trapped but ive never even been in a relationship so i never comment on anybody's relationship or give advice..i always keep my opinions to myself!
i always admired people back in secondary school who had the guts to go into relationships and i admired some relationships....
number one on my list was bear and OC.....OC was everybody's favourite boy..he was so funny,proverbial class clown,all the girls loved him and he was my very good friend..he used to tease me all the time and me like all other people never pictured him with a girl...well until he asked out bear..and she was the only girl he asked out in secondary school.noone believed it because well he was our clown...he was always laughing at people's relationships and joking about them and so we never even pictured him as someone who would ever like a girl.
well,they used to seat opposite each other in class..and they used to stare at each other all day long...my friend zin would tap me and say look at bear and OC and we would nudge bear and say 'earth to bear' or walk to OC's seat and snap our fingers in his face.lol...and since i was bear's friend..she'd call me in the night and i'd hear priviledged information..the songs he'd call her and play for her...i loved that relationship and thats number one on my list!!!
number two was sparxx and dee....dee was a proverbial playboy...he was cute so i don't blame him..girls loved him and he loved girls..his parents were very rich,he spent their money on girls and he went through them like he went through his sneakers (which he had a lot of)..sparxx was pretty...we were best friends and we looked alike....and then dee swoops in and sweeps her off her feet while he was dating her friend(we didnt know that at that time though)...i loved their relationship..he was exciting,he was very intelligent and he was fun..i loved the gist that came with him...so this ranks as my number two best.
number three was my friend leslie and her older boyfriend,uc...uc was a university undergraduate and they ve been dating and this year is the 3rd year..i love this relationship....they are totally honest with each other..the way they talka nd insult each other eeh,makes me laugh...they are first friends and thats what i love about this.and they are still going very strong!!!lol
sometimes i wonder why life is so unfair...i was the best in chemistry in my set,i won awards for that in school and in naija but still chemistry never liked me back!lmao!
p.s:this post is from my last blog..its one of my favourites.
-my friend signed me up for twitter on saturday without letting me know, when i found out i decided to use it anyway but i still dont know how to use it and my phone keeps buzzing with the twitter stuff making me wake up in the middle of the night cos i think its my alarm ringing. is there a way i can delete the account or stop the buzzes coming to my phone?
- i hate school, i seriously hate school...i go cos im good at it.
have a great week ahead.
Friday, January 22, 2010
sometimes i feel like im a huge walking contradiction.
my heart says yes but my head says no.
i think 'i want to do this', people think..'you really shouldnt do this'.
most of the time;
i want to cry outloud in public
i want to laugh and fall on the person next to me
i want to remind him that what we had was a long time ago and i dont like him like that again.
sometimes, i'd like to hit her head on the wall cos i simply think it will be satisfying
i want to say what i really think.
i'd like to hide under my sheets and never leave the house
i want to scream that 'im not jealous, im really happy for you'
you dont have to remind me that he has a bad reputation i liked him just the way he is.
i want to tell them to stop talking about 'us'
i want to tell them that what i do with my life is noone's business but mine.
i want to shout that ive done nothing but kiss him
but why bother?they wont believe me anyway.
i dont want to have to choose between him and the crowd
but i hate getting talked about so i'd probably not choose him
i'd like to be such a bitch to certain people but i smile and act nice.
i'd like to tell him to focus on his girlfriend and let me live my life
...but i cant do that cos everyone would interprete it as me being jealous.
i want to tell him that everything i used to have with him turned out to be such a mistake.
i want to speak igbo again and be proud of it
i want to be able to cry to my mum about the bad things in my life
i'd like to be able to curse and like it.
i'd like to pretend that im not a prude...cos im not.
i'd like to walk out of my house in the morning and be happy that i woke up
i'd like to be able to dance the way i feel like at a party.
i'd like to walk around and not feel eyes following my every step.
i think i have to bitch slap this fool..but i sit there and take it
i think i should set them straight...but why bother?
i think you are really making me angry..but i suck it up and smile.
i think i really need someone to talk to about this..but my friends are miles away..so i cry deep into my pillow.
i dont want to feel so heartless but sometimes i know i am
i think id really want to ask him about this but i dont..cos i cant stand confrontation.
i think i'd really like to say something about this..but i keep quiet cos i cant stand defending myself cos i feel it makes me look guilty.
and at night i cry myself to sleep cos i cant stand the absurdity of my life.
my lips lift into a smile when my heart is breaking
my soul tears apart while i burst into a laugh
my legs lift off from the ground one step at a time when all i want to do is lie in bed and hide.
my body is a walking contradiction.
my name is leggy.
my soul dwells in a body that wont listen to it.
hey folks, im sorry if this didnt make sense, im just in a very bad place right now...so all over blogville you must have heard that nice anon is leaving and i was supposed to write a happy post today but reading her post made me sad and i ended up writing this.
sometimes i feel like im being controlled by something i cant see or someone...its just weird.
so i was watching grey's anatomy yesterday and this argument came up with some of my friends...so basically would you choose someone you love(not a husband just a boyfriend you supposedly really love) over something you love or the other way round?
i said i would choose something i love over someone i love.
and i wanted to know what you guys think,
something you love(something like a career or talent, stuff like that) or someone you love(someone who is a boyfriend that you really really love)?
best fb status: "If we can send one man to the moon, why can't we send them all there?"
love moderately and love with your head.have a great weekend ahead.i have loads of work to do but still TGIF. carrots are supposedly good for the soul, try some.
Monday, January 18, 2010
our Father who art in heaven
hallowed be Thy name
Thy kingdom come.....
she lay down on her bed crying ceaselessly, sobbing like her whole world just came crashing down.
she stared at the piles of bills unpaid....he had finally left her..after so many years of his cheating and her prayers..he had finally left her.
she had been a housewife at his insistent..
she could still hear him...'no wife of mine will ever work'...she had been flattered at first at the thought of him not wanting her stressed.but after so many weeks in to this sham of a marriage she now understood that he only wanted to control her...
the leg kicking under the table
the cold looks promising beatings.
thy will be done
on earth as it is in heaven
give us this day our daily bread
and forgive us our trespasses
their courtship had been a whirlwind
10dates...2 months...marriage....what was she thinking?
she had prayed for a caring mind, God-fearing, hardworking, patient...she had asked....didnt she deserve to be given?
she had married him against her parent's wishes...eloped. she had been so glad that someone had fallen in love with her regardless of her parent's wealth....despite the fact that she stood to inherit a lot of money upon their deaths...an heiress.
rachel smiled bitterly as she got out of bed and started dressing up.
he had changed as soon as the marriage was formal...the chill in his eyes left her scared...the snappy attitude,the mood swings, the hot and cold attitude.
rachel hurriedly dressed up and started putting on make up...she was a Coker and for the very last time she was going to look like one.
as we forgive those who trespass against us
and lead us not into temptation
but deliver us from evil
for Thine is the kingdom...
she stared at her makeup for a while as tears dropped down onto the dressing table.
she had begged God and prayed for the perfect one.
she had trusted Him to guide her, to be there for her and to let her know the signs.
rachel had been happy with mike...their courtship albeit short had been wonderful...she had believed that he was the one God had sent to her...so despite her parent's protests and her relative's dismay she had married him cos she loved him and because she thought God was on her side.
as she felt her mascara getting ruined on account of her tears...i should have bought a water proof one..she thought..as she started to redo her face all over again. she was going to do this right..she wanted to look her best when she finally met Him, she thought while looking up...or him...while looking down....if any of them even existed.
the power and the glory
the months after her parents died was the best months of her life...he had been the perfect husband..comforting her in the times she'd wake up in the early hours of the morning to cry, cooking for her, he took over paying the bills...and the sex...ooohhh, the sex...
he had convinced her to open a joint account together to show the level of her trust...she should have known, she should have known that something was terribly wrong but she had sincerely thought that he had changed...she had finally decided that God had finally heard her and changed him for the better.
she should have known.
she looked at the mirror at her image. perfect.
rachel turned back at the bills sitting on her desk...wow...the bills had come piling in today, she had thought that mike had taken care of it...but no, he was simply hiding them and bidding his time...the electricity company was threatening to cut off the electricity, no heat, no gas...and she was pennyless.he had completely clean her out...joint bank account my ass she thought as she lifted the knife from the table.
forever and ever...
she had thought about this ever since the bank called...what exactly was she living for?no parents, no children...relatives who hated her husband and have now been justified...she was alone in the whole wide world...as she slowly slit her wrist she smiled painfully...she had heard it was the easiest way to die...
as the life slowly seeped out of her...a knock at the door...mike walks in holding flowers..he had changed his mind and decided to ask her to forgive him and make their marriage work.the last few months had been the best in his life and he couldnt believe he was going to just throw it away.
as he burst into the room calling her name...he looked at his wife lying on the floor, she looked up, gave him a very small smile....he scooped her up and ran towards the car as life slowly left her.....
i was talking to my friends about how i could never commit suicide..what if i did and something great happens?what if i decide to do it at the point when God finally answered my prayers?apart from all this..i dont even have the guts to commit suicide.
anyway, im starting school tomorrow so i just wanted to write a post just incase i dont get to write another one anytime soon..ill still be stalking you guys on my blogs so no worries.
tell me if you like the story..if you dont im so sorry..lol.
i was wondering is there anything that'd happen to you that will make you commit suicide? i asked my friends and they gave me really scary situations...so tell me if you liked the story or if you didnt and also tell me something that could happen that will make you consider suicide.
i did braids for school yesterday and im looking soo good...and get this: my friends did it for free.i keep telling my friends who pay for their hair that they should get with the program and start bringing nice people around them.lmao.i love rubbing things in.
best facebook status: If Facebook was a subject my parents would be soo proud.. :)
if school starts for you tomorrow, just like me..i wish you a very good semester.
dont stay up late...eat vitamins and sleep atleast 7hours a night.lo.:-))
Saturday, January 16, 2010
i dont hate you the way people hate evil
they pretend they hate it but indulge in it.
but i hate you the way people love evil
private, hidden, secluded in the folds of my heart.
i dont hate you the way real people love
with conditions, ultimatums, lies
i hate you the way romeo loved juliet
wholeheartedly, forever, eternally
i dont hate you the way prostitutes love sex
cos most of them are there cos they have to
i hate you the way serial killers like to kill
perverted, twisted, distorted.
i dont hate you the way siblings love each other
that love just isnt strong enough to qualify
i hate you the way a mother loves her child
strong, virile, vehement
i dont hate you the way people love to hate celine dion
playfully, prankishly, mischievously
i hate you the way white people hate oj
i dont hate you the way nigerians love educational titles
i hate you the way racists love to hate colour
my smile hides the feelings of great hatred.
my words cloud the emotions buried deep down.
i hate you cos you can never be half the man that he is
i hate you cos i simply love hating you.
- so i loved the comments i got on my last post...they were so hilarious.thanks guys, you are the best.
- the poem is really nothing that personal...ive just never felt the level of disgust that i feel for this boy before in my life.i couldnt even write much about it cos this is the first time ive ever tried to write a hate poem before.
so i'd like to know if you have ever hated someone so much that your heart just wants to burst...cos thats def the way i feel now.
fave fb status:It's been so long since I made love,
I can't even remember who gets tied up.
i hope you guys have a great weekend. eat vegetables.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
i wrote about my experiences in connecticut last summer when i spent a couple of days there after summer school(where i met yinkuslolo :-)), well, a catch phrase my nephew used to use a lot was..'im a terrible terrible person' esp. when he wanted to keep his daddy's reprimands really short..he'd admit the offence and tell his dad..'im so sorry, i know that im a terrible terrible person'.lol.
sometimes that phrase cracks me up but have you ever been a situation when you went like..'im a terrible. terrible person'.
i once took a $1 lip balm from walmart without paying for it and i really dont know why i did that...the worse part was that i had bought a lot of things from walmart that day and i paid for all of them and then took a lip balm without paying for it intentionally.
some part of me took that lip balm cos i was mad at walmart for making me pay that much and come to think of it...its not like they are going to suddenly go bankrupt cos someone took a $1 lip balm without paying.
this was a 'im a terrible, terrible person moment for me'.
there was a time in my jss3 when a friend told me that she liked a guy and she asked me to go and ask the guy if he liked her and i never even asked the guy i just texted her and told her that the boy doesnt like her and the girl never spoke to him again.
i spoke to the boy this morning and he was telling me that till today he doesnt know why the girl stopped talking to him and i thought..'im a terrible, terrible person'.
they could have been soulmates you know?
today someone called me 'skinny' and i called her 'fat'.
for some reason i felt very bad and embarrassed and i ended up apologising cos i just felt like a 'terrible, terrible person'.
why are fat people allowed to call us skinny anyway?we should be getting offended too.
in my primary 5, i poured ground charcoal inside water, mixed it and poured it on a guy's head, then beat him up.
no kidding, in primary 5, i was gangsta oh...i saw the boy in dallas and this boy is handsome and tall and hot and he kept telling people how i beat him up abd they kept looking at me like 'im a terrible, terrible person'. everytime i came next to them they looked scared..lol...skinny mini me?
it was worth enduring...we did exchange numbers after all.and i promise you, hes a hottie!!!!!!!!
i once told a guy in my secondary school that someone died in my family the day he asked me out and so i couldnt agree for him cos it was badluck...the boy went to offer condolences to my mum when she came to pick us from school and my mum set him straight..he never spoke to me again.
in my primary three, i promised to buy someone a walkman if she made me her bestfriend..lol.foolish much?
she waited for the walkman for a very long time oh...shes still waiting.
i told my lil sister that if she looks into the mirror at night she'd see a witch...in my defence, thats what a former househelp in my house told me...she doesnt do that till date.
i once promised a boy in my primary 2 that i'd marry him on the football field if he brought me a ring...he told his mum, who told my mum and i got beat up...so i went to school and 'mistakenly' hit his head on his desk.ode.
i once told my bestfriend in primary 4 that we had 10 cars and 16 houses with body guards cos she just wouldnt for once shut up about her mum's watch being gold....hey dont look at me like that....she was very off putting about it.
i have a friend whose boyfriend has been insinuating that they have sex, the guy is a douche bag by the way and for her birthday he got her stuff from victoria secret and asked her to wear it, take a picture of herself and send it to him.....serious much?
i dislike this guy, i wish my friend would stop dating him cos i think that he is 'a terrible, terrible person'.
i'd like to know something you feel guilty about that you did in secondary or primary school that you still feel guilty about. i'd really love to know, so pls leave a comment.
p.s:thanks you guys for following me...i had to rebuild my blog and i already have 54 followers.thanks.
fave facebook status of the day: People try to hide their pain. But they're wrong. Pain is something to carry, like a cellphone. You feel your strength in the experience of pain. It's all in how you carry it. That's what matters. Pain is a feeling. Your feelings are a part of you. Your own reality. If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you're letting society destroy your reality. You should stand up for your right to feel your pain.
i hope you have a lovely week and if you have already started school....chee yah, sorry. sleep at least 7 hours a day.
Sunday, January 10, 2010
you know how you think about all those who asked you out in the past and laugh at how immature they were or how immature you were?
well, i was talking to the second boy who ever asked me out in my jss3 this morning and we were talking about how he asked me out and the events that took place and we were laughing.
and i was telling him about the other boys who have asked me out since i left nigeria,and trust me some of those stories are hilarious and he was telling me about his girlfriend and stuff.
after a while, the guy asked me if i remember a poem that he wrote me a couple of years ago..he sent it to my email...i vaguely remembered but the thing is when he told me about the email in my ss3..i marked it as read and never read it.so i read it this morning and here goes:
I breathe moments of desperation; they're breaking me down inside,
and all the scenarios where you promised forever, pull me in with the tide.
I had my hopes up on a cloud, and now they're crashing to the ground;
little by little, the melody in my life dies down; There's no sound.
Darling, I know.
There's no reason to lie anymore.
Tarnished memories; I can still picture both of your forbidden lips -
Crashing into a lie; meeting in a sin so great, as my heart suddenly rips.
You once whispered to me that you could never live without me,
Well, I'm standing in front of you, and your heart can still beat, I see.
I hope you're proud of yourself,
because I can't stand to look at you.
Now every moment we spent together,
becomes a dream that won't come true.
Slow, acoustic love songs and old love letters are a thing of the past,
They're simply a remembrance that what we held onto didn't last.
Lines and lines of poetry are being written, only to burn them into ash,
and more and more songs are being played, only for my memories to clash.
Stop. Just stop.
Because all of your lies are running together -
and they're holding me back in the memories of yesterday.
he sent me this: Saturday, February 23, 2008. 7:14am. in my ss3 to be exact.
i asked him whats up with calling me a liar?he said: i dont necessary lie...that my body language does...that i lead people on, give them the confidence to ask me out then i say..'no'. according to him, i enjoy letting boys down.
why am i talking about this?cos i was going to write a post about 8.5 before i had that talk with him and i thought of how many times in my old blog where i raved about someone and suddenly told you guys i didnt like him again?
well, my feelings for 8.5 is.....seriously fading...i still spend time with him and hang out with him...he cooked for me yesterday and we saw orphan together...but its just not the same anymore...i get irritated most of the time, i hang out with him cos i dont want to hurt his feelings.
in this 2010, im swearing off boys, many of my friends have been claiming i lead boys on and then go all prudish on them by refusing to be their girlfriend..when a lot of people complain about something...im beginning to 'know' that im the problem here...i'd rarely write about boys here in my blog...except those i absolutely have no interest in...my friends who have boyfriends...or my friends who are boyfriends.
p.s: if you are looking for an indian movie to watch...watch 'kuch kuch hota hai'..awesome.its on youtube. watched it in my jss3 and i found it yesterday.
have a great sunday...christians go to church, muslims enjoy the day, if you are undecided sleep.
fave fb status: "LOL" no longer means "laugh out loud" it means, I have nothing else to say.
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
i'd rather you not call me everyday
please give me some space to miss you.
i'd rather you not text me every single night
i seriously need to sleep early this once.
i'd rather you not expose me or claim me infront of your friends
we are not even dating and i havent said yes to your request.
i'd rather you not try to make me jealous
cos i never get jealous.
i'd rather you not tell me you love me
i dont love you back.
i'd rather not have you talk about the future
im just eighteen.
i'd rather you not buy me gifts
i dont want to feel guilty about not getting you anything
i'd rather you not send me songs
songs make letting you go so hard.
i'd rather you not explain your actions to me
you are not my husband.
i'd rather you just say yes or no to my questions.
i tune out when i get long winded responses.
i'd rather you not ask me my g.p.a like you pay my fees.
i dont have any problems telling anyone that, just dont ask like i must tell you.
i'd rather you not make me feel guilty.
it makes me pull away from you even more.
i'd rather you not insult me to make your hurt less.
i love seeing you hurt, so your insults fall like rain
i'd rather you not call me a bitch.
i already know that i'm one.
i'd rather you not try to fill the silence with words.
i love the silence.
i'd rather you have a good reputation with people
but i seriously dont care about that
i'd rather you not put me on the spot
cos i dont want to be there
i'd rather you not ask me everyday if i like you
insecure guys dont rock my boat
i'd rather you just be yourself
cos thats prolly the 'you' i like
i'd rather you not question my motives
my private matters should remain mine
i'd rather you not think of having sex with me
cos im not having sex anytime soon
i'd rather you try not to be too heartbroken
cos 'us' is never going to happen.
i'd rather you get heartbroken
cos i dont want to be the one getting hurt.
i'd rather remain alone and watch the drama
cos i dont want to become an actress in this game called relationship
i'd rather not remember you in this year
cos i want this year to be all about me.
i'd rather you not cry after reading this
you're prolly thinking how full of myself i am to think that you are going to cry for me.
i'd rather you not hate me
but i understand if you do.
i'd rather you not blame love
cos this is simply the way i love.
my like never grows into love
my love always fades.
my love always dies.
i always kill it.
i love facebook statuses like so much..its real funny what people come up with, it kinda gives you an insight into people's lives.
favourite facebook status of the day:Seems like I always had crushes on chicks I couldn't have and then I ended up fucking with someone I shouldn't have.
i hope you guys are all having a wonderful day. dont diet.
Sunday, January 3, 2010
i dont make new year resolutions cos i love surprising myself...i expect this year to be just like other years. me, going to school, coming home, being in my room for the rest of the day and then sleeping..and the cycle continues.
but if i were to have a perfect year...
- i wouldnt have to cook cos somehow i'd always get food delivered to my house and i wouldnt have to wash up either cos whoever it is that delivers the food will clean up after me after i eat.
*i love cooking but i hate washing up especially in that my little kitchen.
- i'd learn the concept of saving..i really need to learn how to save cos i cant keep depending on my dad for every little thing.
- i would weed my facebook friend list...can you imagine that i posted a picture of amber rose as my profile picture and i said i loved her body and some guys said i was gay?seriously?
- i would not reply text messages that comes to my phone more than 30minutes after i send people one. i never even send people text messages, they'd bother me and then when i take time out of my not-so-busy schedule and reply, you'd reply like one hour later.mschewwww.
- i would learn how to make a list before i go get groceries from walmart, i always buy what i dont even need and i end up spending a lot of money on useless things.
- i would stop holding things inside..when someone pisses me off i'd let that person know that they pissed me off and i dont like it.
- i would stop smiling in my sleep, my friends here in dallas say that i smile in my sleep...i feel like a witch..lol...a good one though. sometimes i'd go to sleep so angry and i'd wake up smiling like something great happened during my sleep.
- i get scared easily...i need to stop it.when there is a reason to be scared i totally just ignore it and go about my business...but sometimes i'd just wake up from sleep feeling so scared or having a panic attack(ok, thats just jara).
- i want to start taking things at face value and stop over thinking things. i always see meaning in every simple thing someone does, it never occurs to me that it might not have any deep meaning that it just means what that person says it means.i always see a lot of gray areas.
- i need to get back to reading novels again, my library card is just going to waste..ill start using it as soon as i get back to school if i can find a regularly ride to the library.
- i would stop buying so much panties.. every time i buy something form victoria's secret(what exactly is her secret?) i always buy panties there and it drains my money. i just love shopping for under wears cos to tell you the truth..under wears determine when id do my laundry.
- i would stop making mental notes about people..whenever i see someone i'd make up a whole story about the person and the person's family and then everytime i see that person i'd burst out laughing..i'd get into trouble oneday.
but since we both know it will never be a perfect year, leggy can only wish.
happy new year everybody..wishing you a near to a perfect year as you can possibly get.
im tired...its almost 12 here and my hands are sore from texting all morning.
i had so many drafts to publish but i thought i should write something on the new year before jumping in to some serious blogging.
happy 2010 everybody..enjoy these early days where you are feeling like everything is going to go well this year because this is as good as it gets.lol.just kidding. i too, im hoping the year will turn out to be the best so far.