confessions of a confused nigerian girl

housekeeping

2011-11-11T19:57:00.000-08:00

i haven't been able to blog for a while now because i sincerely don't have anything to say. school has been so stressful but I'm doing really well.i am officially a chemistry and chemical engineering double major and my adviser told me that if i graduate with more than 150 credit hours i get two different certificates. I'm so excited. i have English and french minors too. i just don't want the graduation extension semester to be a waste of time.

life has been extremely boring, I've been reading every chance i get, sleeping, studying and hanging out with friends.
i have been reading the George R.R.Martin series- a song of fire and ice, currently on the second book. it's so long but it's worth it. i usually read it between books.
just completed 'the perks of being a wall flower' by Stephen, 'remember me?' by the writer of shopaholic, can't remember all the other books. but since summer I've been trying to keep my reading up no matter how busy with school i get.

boys are still boys. still riding solo. talking to a bunch of people but nothing major. i don't do major. it's been fun though. i do enjoy the attention and the chase, i just don't want anything to do with actually working at a relationship. lots of work, I'm lazy and school at the moment is really killing me.

movies. i haven't seen any good movies in a while. saw 'in time', it was good but not something I'd ever see again. Justin needs to make another album to appease some of his fans and then he can act in all the almost good movies he wants.

friends. I've been hanging out a lot with friends. this semester has been my 'do you' semester. i am exactly the type of person i want to be at this particular stage in my life. no drama, no gossip and even if there is i do not listen to it. i just filter them out. life is too short to be mad and bitter. please do you and let me do me. I've also learnt to be very blunt, not mean blunt, just FYI saying my piece blunt.
I've stopped forcing people to be in my life. if you feel like i subtract more than i add to your life, please be my guest. cut me out. I'm all for cutting people out of your life who you think are pulling you down, if i happen to be one of them then hey, by all means.
i have a guy friend who i used to talk to ALL.THE.TIME, he used to drunk text me, we used to talk about everything and joke about dumb stuff but shit happened and we haven't spoken like we used to all semester long. and thing is, i used to have a huge crush on him so it was really hard for me to just kinda move on and accept that we'll never ever be as close as we used to be but i did it. it took me a while but i moved on, stopped texting him, just last week i deleted his number and our 1 million text messages together, inboxes, everything just so that i won't be tempted to ever call him. am i mad? no. am i hurt? a little but nothing ever happened between us. it's not like he ever knew that i had a crush on him. but mad? God, no. i believe a guy has got to do what a guy has got to do. we weren't meant to be good friends anymore, i rolled with the punches when they came.

yesterday i spent the entire day in new Orleans with my Asian friends, i was the only black person and one of two girls in a group of Asians. i kinda felt uncomfortable which is something I've never felt before because i go to a PWI and my only black friends are very few Nigerians i talk to but still at the beginning i felt very uncomfortable but 1 hour into the trip we were making 'that's what she said' jokes. i had an amazing day and we have lunch at this viet place, dinner at an Asian restaurant..yes, Asian cos they had all types of Asian food and had beignets before heading back.
i went to go see Wong fu productions, i don't know if y'all have heard about them but they came to new Orleans and they are sooo cute. i was one of two blacks who went to see them, the rest were Asians. ha ha. i think they kinda felt sorry for me when i went to talk to them. ha ha. i had a blast though. got back to school around 3 am the next day. y'all should you tube them, their videos are so good and have very good quality.

umm...what else have i been doing?
i'm talking to an african guy. i haven't talked to an african for so long, i think i'd forgotten what it felt like. not that there is actually any difference. i've realised that there is really not that much of a difference between races if you meet the right guys.
i really, really enjoy talking to this guy, i cannot stress this enough but there is no way i am dating him. it's really nothing personal, i just think he is a bit....how do i say this nicely?..much. that is the only way i can describe it. my friends tell me that i might end up really liking him..maybe. who knows? i'm not one to say never. we'll see.
i'm a french minor and i'm getting quite fluent in it, i'm a bit slow when i speak but i can read and write really well. i spent all day recently texting with this dude in french and it was a nice change of pace from what i'm used to.

i think i've typed long enough. ha ha. so how have you guys been doing?

p.s: i should change my title. no longer a teenager.

with love,
leggy.

just had the most infuriating argument on facebook about rape.

2011-08-22T20:40:00.000-07:00

click on the pictures if you can't read them.
so, if you check out the first picture you get the scenario, now i'm by no means saying that the girl was right in going to the man's house that she does not know. you can't just pull up and go to see some man you have never met before without certain precautions. but does this justify rape?!

everyone was blaming her and ignoring the fact that said man RAPED a girl, what happened to chasing her out of your house?! if all you wanted was sex and she refused what happened to asking her to leave?!

if you look at the second picture, some person called nkem said 'it takes two'. huh?! how does rape take two? do i have a different dictionary?! don't even get me started on that stupid tina on the last picture.
this whole discussion just totally ruined my day.i was mad that i was the only person who seemed to have read the fact that the man RAPED her. it's irks me that majority of the people saying this are fellow women. the last woman excluded.

i'm sorry but i don't think anything in the entire world can ever justify rape. if a woman says 'no', respect her no. get permission. and this is what i personally will teach my sons if ever i get blessed with any.

tell me people, am i mad in thinking this?!

i'm so mad that this is what finally brought me out of my hiatus. school started today. retaking my thermo class. finally decided even though friends(even till today) tried talking me out of it. good luck to everyone that started today too.

it's 11pm and i'm in school typing this and ordering my books because my internet sucks and my roommate does not want to get another one. i mean seriously? what is the point of being in America if i can not have fast internet?! like warridis?

anyone who follows me on twitter knows how obsessed i am about korean dramas. i LOVE them.

soundtrack to this blog: songs by reckless kelly on my spotify.

peace and love.

music,school, 'like' and life in general.

2011-07-19T21:56:00.000-07:00

i haven't left my house in 3 days..no kidding. i've been reading novels, sleeping, watching Korean dramas and reading research papers for my professors....and this is the happiest i've ever been. don't get me wrong. i LOVE my friends, they are the most awesome people on the surface of the earth but i'm happiest when i'm by myself.

it was my very good friend's birthday on saturday and we all went clubbing. it was awesome. i love dancing. i might blog about that day some more on a later date cos a lot of things happened.

so music, decided to share my top 5 played songs on my itunes:
Guardian angel - Red Jumpsuit Apparatus
Is it true? - YOHANNA
Peaches - New heights
Raindrops - Bei maejor
1+1 - Beyonce..this tied with Lotus Flower - Radiohead.

So, i've mentioned on twitter and sometimes here, that i have a massive crush on one of my guy friends and it's been a very long time since i've had a crush. all the guys who have been interested in me, i've never really been into and i really don't want to admit this but i've been using a ton of them to pass time.
i've wondered what makes dude different.

i realised today that i might like dude because dude isn't a 'nice guy'. now, i do want a nice guy, i really do but what i don't want is a pushover. i do want a guy to disagree with me, i like a guy who has his own opinions and doesn't revolve their entire life around me. i like dude because dude doesn't text me everyday or try to talk to me everyday, it gives me a chance to miss him. i like him because he's funny and gives me funny, stupid gifts. i don't always want everything to revolve around romance, maybe it's just me but i'm not a romantic kind of girl...AT ALL. i hate good morning texts, they stifle the life out of me. i do not want to wake up to your stamp of approval on my new day, i know this is an effed up feeling but it's just me.
i like a guy who knows when to call me on my BS. i especially like this guy because no matter what i do he defends me in public and then lays it on me thick in private. have my back, don't call me out in public.
i like this guy because he is oblivious to how hot he is..he has one of the fittest bodies i've ever seen and he is taller than me. i'm 5'10", 5'11"...and dude is taller than me. that is a huge IN with me.
all my friends have commented on how hot dude is..
my friend told me how she once texted dude and asked him:'do you know that you're super hot?!'
dude:"i'm actually not, i'm kinda cold right now'.
girl:'want me to come over and warm you up?'
dude:'i actually just put on the heater but thanks'.

i'm not even kidding.
i like that he keeps everything between us. i can't stand people who tell my business. no one knows that we are 'talking'(which is why my friends keep telling me how 'they'd do him'.) well except for his bestfriends who are also his roommates, this is also another reason i like dude, dude's friends are AMAZING!! i've never felt so comfortable with any guys how i feel with them.

so yeah fingers crossed on this guy.

yeah school, so i was thinking of retaking an engineering course i made a C in last year..thermo between, this is the first time ever i'm making a C. i have never made a C, plus i worked so hard to make an A but i completely failed my finals. like no joke, do you know how you have to fail a final to go from an A to a C? yes, that bad.
i got the letter today from the chancellor permitting me to retake the class(if you made anything better than a D you need clearance from the chancellor to retake that class) but i'm still scared, what if i don't do better?
most courses that people find hard in my department i think is freaking interesting, i made an A in fluids and even the so called heat and mass, i thought i was going to fail last semester i made a B in.
i talked to my dad and he wants me to retake the C class since i'm extending my graduation date anyway. i just read ms. sting's blog and my resolve to retake the class is getting really strong. i've been staring at my 'schedule request' all day trying to decide if to schedule the class or not. if i retake this class and don't make an A i'm going to cry my butt off.

life has been freaking good. been emailing back and forth with my very good friend who is in Canada for the summer and in our minds we are freaking hilarious. moving into my new apartment for the next 2 years this weekend..i'm tired of moving. i move every damn year.
you know what i don't like? someone(who i'm not really good friends with) telling me that someone else is talking crap about me. i do not care. i don't think people realise the level of Fs i no longer give. all the nigerian drama in my school just flies over my head, i do not talk about it and i do not want to hear about it. the peace of mind i have had this past 1 year since i've made the conscious decision to change the people i surround myself with has been fulfilling. i'm not going back to that crap. i enjoy talking to nigerians, it's like home away from home but i do not want drama in my life. i've been there, done that. i will talk to anyone who is even remotely friendly to me as long as what we are talking about is about US, the two people present. i do not want to be dragged into stories of relationships i do not care about or all of your recycled dramas, that life is not for me. i do not care what people are saying about me, i just care what the people who i consider friends think of me.

definitely going to be blogging more often. might even join in the 30 day thingy going around blogville. sounds like fun.

beginning soundtrack: 3 Rounds and a Sound by Blind Pilot
middle soundtrack: Creep by Radiohead
ending soundtrack: Animal by Neon Trees.

my itunes is on shuffle btw.

love and peace,
Leggy.

language blog

2011-07-03T21:47:00.001-07:00

Audio Recording on Sunday night by leggy

"my name is leggy. i'm 19. sugabelly asked the people in blogville to come together for the language blog that will enable us to start speaking our native languages and to give it back the honor and respect it deserves.
i haven't spoken igbo in a while because i go to college in america and some of the igbos in my school claim that they can't speak igbo and so i haven't spoken it cos i haven't found anyone to speak it with. so i decided to write down what i wanted to say so as not to speak with a mixture of igbo and english.
while i was writing down what i was going to say it occurred to me that there are several words that i do not know in igbo like 'sex', i asked my friend who suggested that it might be 'stupid things(i don't know how to translate this)' but she wasn't quite sure.
another thing is that in igbo we say 'ifunanya' which means 'love' but 'ifunanya' literally means 'what i see'. I don't know why we igbos decided to go with that word for love because i do not think that love is supposed to just be what you see but that's a discussion for another day.
i don't have anything else to say, i just decided to participate in this recent traditional that sugabelly brought to blogville this week.
so it's me as always,
leggy.

have a good night. "

please do this challenge and go to sugabelly's blog and let her know that you did it and also to check out those who already did theirs. you don't have to be perfect, but if you don't speak cos you're not perfect how do you expect to get perfect? i always sound strange when i speak igbo but just enjoy sha.

Here are the rules:

1. It DOES NOT MATTER how well you can speak your language. The goal is to speak regardless. So don't worry if you don't speak that well or you have to include lots of English words. ALL language levels are welcome.

2. Video posts or Audio posts are strongly preferred. This is because the point is to hear and enjoy the spoken language. Written posts are frowned upon but will be accepted too. ^_^

3. Please always provide a translation for your readers of other ethnicities! Translations should be in English and can be in the form of captions under a video post, or written transcripts for audio and written posts.

4. Please tag each participating post as - language challenge - and post the link here in the comments so I can link to it and make all of them easy to find.

5. Please encourage other Nigerian bloggers to post in Nigerian languages.

love and peace,

leggy.

leggy's nights out

2011-06-19T13:05:00.001-07:00

so on thursday, i hung out with my friend L and her boyfriend S. i love them to death.
S drove us to the lake in my college, bought us smoothies and then left us ladies to our walk. we walked for two hours, just talking and then walked home also. we were sweating so bad, when we got home, he asked us to go take a bath and then off we went to wine loft.
wine loft is this really classy place in the city i live in, it's 21 and up but when we got there, i didn't get carded, they just let me go on which was awesome for me ofcourse. we met up with some of our friends who were already there and had a blast just talking over glasses of wine. the guy my friend came with kept fawning over me and telling me how sexy my accent is.
sometimes when i get asked out by a white guy, one part of me wonders how much of that attraction is because i'm nigerian and how much of that attraction is because of me. would he still have found me attractive if i were just african american?
the only african american girlfriend i have told me that white guys are attracted to me because they see me as being exotic. *kanye shrug*. i don't let it keep me up at night.

on saturday night i went out with my asian friends. a girl i met at an interview for an internship which we both had to turn down because of some legal stuffs when we were offered the job and one of her guyfriends..lets call him K.

p.s: to nigerians, *chinco* is a racist term, you have to effing stop using it.

anyway, we went to a bar somewhere around my school and just hung out but because it is summer and K was really trying to get laid but the bar was really empty we left and went downtown.
downtown has 21 and older bars,during school periods i always go with my friends who always know someone they never card me, they just let me go in. no such luck tonight. i couldn't get in anywhere. i hate being a bummer, i even offered to get dropped off so that they can go on but noooo...they decided to go to walmart and rent a movie, get a couple of bottles of wine and just chill at home which we ended up doing. it turned out to be fun, we watched the roommate which sucked balls and had so much fun insulting everyone associated with the movie. plus K paid for everything, i felt like i was back in nigeria all over again and K kept telling me types of asian guys i should never date.

the Asian girl i was with told us that she is not attracted to asian guys, i told her how i thought that was BS cos if she hadn't come to america, what would she had done? anyway, to each his own. i am not in anyway attracted to african-american men, maybe thats why the whole 'african-american men are not attracted to black women' don't bother me. i once had an argument with my african-american guy friend who told me he did not care for black women and i replied:'oh, thats cool with me, it's all about preference isn't it? i can't date an african-american guy either so it's all good', dude got so mad at me eh and till today still brings it up whenever i see him.
so it's cool not to be attracted to african-american women but when i say i'm not attracted to you, you take offense?
i told him, i'm only attracted to nigerian men and other races. sorry, you can not change my mind.

this wednesday we are stepping out again but this time we are going to be well armed with connections to get into places.lol. we already planned ahead of time.

i'm a very confident person but i am by no means a 10. i have never claimed to be a 10 and probably will never be. i have never been the most beautiful girl in a club/place or the best dancer, i am most times the thinest but my point is, despite all of this, i know my worth. someone asked me in the comments in the past post if the guys i date or talk to do not expect more from me, as per sex or relationship.

i am very upfront with all the guys i date. i have never lied to them.

a) i always tell the guys i am 'talking to' that i will never be in a relationship with them. i clearly tell them that we are not dating, i am not his girlfriend neither is he my boyfriend and that he will never be. i am very clear about this earlier on. fact is, most guys i have 'talked' to go into this thinking that 'oh, i am going to change her mind' and when 6 months later they ask me to go steady and i say no. dude suddenly takes offense and suddenly twists the story to suit his ego. i am quite used to this scenario by now. yes, somewhere down the road i might meet a guy i want as a boyfriend but it hasn't happened yet and will not happen anytime soon. now, i am very happy being single.

b) i will not have sex anytime soon. my white friends do not know that i have never had sex. they just assume that a 19 year old virgin is non-existent, i do not correct them. i am old enough that i can talk sex, i can hold my own in any conversation. i have never lied to them but hey, noone has ever asked me explicitly if i'm a virgin or not.
for the nigerian guys, i tell them: 'i will not sleep with you'.

honesty is the best policy. i lay my cards out on the table and the other player can choose to withdraw or deal a hand. his choice.

soundtrack to this blog.
beginning - bei major - raindrops
middle - beyonce - best i never had
end - elvis - i can't help falling in love with you

hope y'all are awesome. how was your week?God bless you.

happy father's day to the best dad on earth!!! i love you so much!!

one frog too many

2011-06-12T07:34:00.000-07:00

so last semester was an awesome semester, i made really good grades and also had a ton of fun with awesome people, eliminated certain people from my life and basically was an all around blast.

last semester, i was also a serial dater. i went on tons of dates, some of them didn't even have a second. my friends fixed me up with so many people, it was a blast and it's even more awesome that i'm now friends with all these people especially my awesome friend carl.
the fact is: no matter how many people tell me that i'm lying, i do like being single. i am just 19, i believe i have a ton of time to get in to a serious relationship, i do not want to be tied down to a guy at this crucial time in my life. i really don't but i've learnt a ton of stuff this past semester.
my friends didn't hook me up with people they thought i was going to like, they simply did it for really selfish reasons.

- my friend hooked me up with a guy in her boyfriend's fraternity so that we could go on double dates if i liked the guy. the guy was really cute, he had the most gorgeous eyes i've ever seen, tall, blond(but you can tell that shit was bottle blond). anyway, this dude had no clue where nigeria is on the map, he asked me if 'nigeria is in europe?'. the fuck? are you serious? immediately he said that, i just got so turned off that i ended the night early by telling him that something i ate did not agree with me.
now everytime i hang out with him and his friends and we are having an argument, i always go 'this from the guy who didn't know that nigeria is in africa'.

- another memorable date i went to was with this really really cute black guy. let me first say that no matter how my friend tried to deny it, i know she set me up with this guy just because he is the only black guy she knows cos we did not have anything in common.
first of all, i have to say this guy is a nice guy and i will recommend him to any of my friends. he is unlike any other black american i have ever met, he held doors open, the way he talked about people, his pants were pulled up, he is just an all around sweetheart. the fact is i do not like push overs. i do not want a ridiculously nice guy.
okay, don't get me wrong. i do want a guy to treat me right, and be nice to my friends and i and all that mushy stuff but dude was too nice for me. i know this is a contradiction but i just couldn't handle or stand this guy anymore.

- i can't talk about this without mentioning Carl. Carl and i did not have any chemistry at all, at least on my side. we became friends right away. first of all, we got into an argument on how much social networks are important cos i said i was on facebook, tumblr, twitter and even blogger but get this: dude wasn't even on facebook. ha ha ha. i was like what?!
after that we got into an argument about Nigeria, dude knew too much about my country which was so refreshing, it showed that he had actually done his research on this girl he supposedly wanted to meet. i have to say that this is not the first time i met carl, i met him once before and he apparently asked his friend to set him up with me.
during the course of last semester, i set up a facebook account for carl who then changed his password and then refused to add anyone besides me on his facebook. so carl has only one friend on his facebook, namely moi and he spends all his time spamming me.
this dude once wrote on my wall:'*insert nickname* do not marry a nigerian, i can learn ibgo and love you in ibgo'. dude misspelt, igbo.
he is the most annoying guy i've ever met but i love him anyway. he graduated this past semester and i'm going to miss him so much. he wasn't that cute though, he was just about my height, black hair and just brown eyes but he was the funniest guy i'd ever met.

- lastly, the date with the guy i actually have a crush on. i have a huge crush on this asian guy. he is such a hottie, i swear all my friends want to kpansh him. anyway, dude and i met up for lunch, after lunch he drove me home and then we texted through out the day, he picked me up for dinner and we went to this sushi place. it was so pricey, i kept mentally checking the amount of money in my bank account cos i just did not want to be that girl who plain assumes that the guy is going to pay and then ends up embarrassing herself when the guy says:'please put on different cheques'. please note, dude and i have just been friends for the past year and a half so i wasn't going to just assume that dude wants anything to be different cos we have been talking so much lately and catching feelings. i have made myself realise that just because i am catching feelings doesnt always mean the other person is. it could be that they just enjoy your company or any of that crap.
sha sha, bill came and i just grabbed for the purse but asian guy asked the waiter to put it on one bill and asked me not to worry about it. i was so happy. usually, i ask the guy not to worry about it. i always try to pay for my stuff but to say i was broke that week is an understatement. anyway, after dinner we went laser tagging. let me say this: i suck at this game, like really suck at it. i got to loosen up though, i had a blast then on our way home we stopped over for icecream.
dude, paid for all these things oh. that day was probably the best date day i've ever had in my life.

so to say that last semester was a learning experience for me is an understatement.

have your friends ever set you up on a date before? how did it go down?!

soundtrack for this blog post:
beginning: drake - marvin's room
middle: the red jumpsuit - guardian angel
ending: psquare - forever

i finally blogged!! yay!!!

leggy.

10 things

2011-05-19T21:12:00.000-07:00

- i can't remember the last time i cried.i really can't. i just hold all these things inside me and one day it just gets too much and i end up pouring all my anger on someone who did something very little thing to me.

- a lot of my friends want to know if i'm presently in a relationship and i haven't said anything confirming or denying it because a lot of my previous alliances didn't work out cos i couldn't bare having people in my business. i know people are going to comment and tell me that people are always going to talk about me.yeah, but i've learnt how to control what they get to talk about.

- i'm not a very spontaneous person. i over think things. one day, i'd just like to let go and do what i feel not what i think is right.

- a guy i almost dated told me recently that i'll never find someone like him. isn't that the point? i told him: 'dude, if i wanted someone like you i wouldn't have turned you down'. like seriously people, just because you asked me out and i said no and you finally get a girlfriend doesn't mean you immediately become hot commodity. i did not want you then, i certainly do not want you now.

- i know a lot of people are talking about this whole 21st thing. i know a lot of people are making fun of it and i think its phony but i am still low key scared. i think deep down everyone kinda is.

- a friend of mine suddenly stopped talking to me recently. like he just up and stopped talking to me. i don't know why. he texted me out of the blues yesterday and when i asked him why he said and i quote 'you are quite distracting'. he wouldn't explain. i simply decided to take it as a compliment.

- there is an article that states why black women are less attractive than any other race. this is why my kids will NEVER grow up in america, not because of anything else but just cos of self esteem. that article didnt bother me cos i grew up in a place where black is generally considered beautiful so a few words won't wipe off 17 years of living in nigeria. even if they are born here, i am shipping them off to a school in nigeria. in my high school so many yankee and jand kids were shipped back home to go to my school so i will definitely do that to my kids. i don't know why you would think telling an entire race of women that they are inferior is needed for the advancement of science.

- i want to get rid of my black berry, i do not like that phone. i can not wait for the iphone 5 to come out this summer, time to upgrade my iphone!!!

- i have a friend who i've known forever and i've had a crush on him forever. i know we will never date but flirting has never done anyone bad. we like each other, we are just not compatible at all!! he is cute though, like the sexiest guy ever. in HS, we used to call him sexy, yes, that was his nickname 'sexy'.lol.

- have you ever asked a guy out? like to the movies or anything? if yes, i'd like to know how that went. just curious.

i'm so sorry i haven't posted in a while, but it's summer so i'll definitely step up my game.

it's so good to be back.

~ a good poem is like finding a hole in a palace wall, never knowing what you might see - tukaram.

dear crush.

2011-03-09T19:51:00.001-08:00

i got this from juicegal, who got it from burramint.
i'm going to write my letters but not in that particular order. im going to write all the 30 letters, i'm just going to write each one as the words come.

to the boy i have a crush on.

dear boy-i-have-a-crush-on,

i want to kiss you like vows unbroken --> bassey ikpi

i like you. like really like you. i like you like i like the strawberries dipped in chocolate that you brought me for lunch in school and then made a big deal about it not being a valentine gift. i never told anyone that because i haven't liked anyone in a long time i dont want to jinx it.
i like you how i like omelet even though i might be lactose intolerant.i guess this is my way of saying that even though i really like you i still think that you are really bad for me. i like you like i like taking walks which you insist i do because i dont want to burden anyone by asking for rides and then you show up at my door every sunday to prevent me from walking the 30minutes to school. i like you for that.
i like you the way i like badly written books but i cant stop reading them because i can't believe that the editor was so stupid as to publish them. i dont even know what that means.
i like that you text me when you are drunk. i like drunk you, you say things sober you would never say. i love especially that when you read our conversations in the morning you always send me the same exact text: "i'm sorry i texted you drunk again, i guess there are some things better said when one is intoxicated that one can't get one's self to say sober".
i like your excessive use of the word 'one'. i like that you tell me secrets and just know that i wouldn't tell anyone.i like that you trust me like that and i love that i can trust you too.
i love your friends. i like how you are around them and how they always think that it is their right to embarrass you every time i come over by regaling me with embarrassing stories about you.
i like that you like me for me. that you like my weird humor and you compliment me every chance you get. girls like compliments, you would think that every boy would know that but they really don't. seriously.
i hate that you are shy.i hate that you have never given me a real hug but always complain that i skip you whenever i hug people. i like that you apologise whenever you do something that you think even remotely made me mad. i like that you have absolutely no idea how to be romantic, so that when you actually do something romantic i know that it is very genuine. i like that we have that unspoken secrecy.what we talk, text or facebook about remains totally between us. i like that you know that i only jump into the bathroom when you call me to tell me that you are on your way to my house, i like that you dont whine about having to wait for me. i like that you like me. for me.just me.

with love,
leggy.

so i got everyone's suggestions. i got adele's 21 even before i read someone's suggestion to get it. it is a very good album. see?i blogged without anyone asking me to.yay me!!!
i can't drop my tumblr on here, i already have too many nigerians in my school reading my blog and discussing the details on it that i dont want to have to censor my tumblr too. i love my tumblr and wouldn't want anyone assuming that the pictures and texts i reblog is about them.
but you can send me an email or something and i can send you the link.
so how have you guys been?
you guys can leave suggestions about what you want me to blog about and i'll pick a topic each week and try to sincerely blog about them.

soundtrack to this blog: peaches by new heights. this is my best song ever.

hopefully,i'll see you soon.ciao.

housekeeping.

2011-02-26T10:18:00.001-08:00

you know what motivated me to blog?

some one texted me to let me know that some nigerian was asking him about my blog and how i post stuff about him here. pause.

i said:"i really dont care what the african community talks about".

so i was like...'mehn, i should blog!!'.lol

i think tumblr is the website taking me away from blogville, i even contemplated shutting down my blog.

anyway, school is awesome. made a ton of new friends and i actually have a life this year.

randoms:

- i might be going to disney world this year for spring break!!! my friends invited me but i'm thinking about it because i really want to go visit my friend in south carolina. decisions, decisions.

meanwhile, i have tons of test this week and then it will be mardi gras week!!!

- my fiction class is so hard. its much harder to write fiction than i thought, poetry is much better cos you can be so flexible with punctuation and grammar. sigh. it's fun though, my teacher is really awesome.

- i'm currently looking for an apartment and i think i found one. i don't want to move out but i'm thinking of trying to live alone. my roommates are awesome and everything and they want me to renew with them but i really want to live alone. so i might or might not be moving next year. ahhh, decisions, decisions!!

- a guyfriend of mine took me to walmart and he was pushing the cart and i was putting things in it and people were giving us these little smiles like 'yeah, we've really come a long way, a white boy and a black girl couple'.lol. and we are just friends. and it reminded me of myself, everytime i see interracial couples i just stare at them! i've never ever paused to think: they could be just friends you know. all i see is hope for a no-color world in the future.

- i do not like my blackberry. *dodges bullet*.lol. i swear i would return it to the person who got it for me if my sister didnt just get a blackberry. i dont like the tiny keys, i guess i've really gotten used to typing on my iphone.

- life has been really good!! uhhhh, i started watching this korea drama called 'dream high' that is so freaking awesome, it's like glee but better!!

also, i discovered wong fu productions on youtube. you guys should check them out, they are pretty legit plus they are the cutest asian guys you'd ever see. i kid, i kid. but they will give you the yellow fever. definitely. they are so dorky and geeky and cute. i am so in love with them.

- i think that if i enter my room in some 'dirtiest room competition' it would win hands down. i had some one over recently and my roommates and i showed him around but skipped my room. he kept asking why they skipped my room and my roommates were cracking up!!

- i liked naeto C's album-'super C season' but i still do not think it was better than MI's album.

- some of my friends just got engaged, ofcourse they are not my age!! i was so excited when they told me!!they are graduating this may and are getting married right after that.

- my friend participated in a marathon and lost a ton of weight. pretty legit huh?

- i hate it when guys called girl virgins 'innocent'. just cos i haven't had sex doesn't make me innocent. i stole a candy stick from walmart last week. thats pretty criminal stuff don't you think?

- i love the webseries going on on mynewhitman.blogspot.com. i've been 'ahh-ing' all over the place.

- i cried recently during a movie and my friends started screaming--'oh my God, she has emotions!!! she has a heart!! breaking news: she has emotions'.lmao. i think people just have the wrong impressions about me. i just think that people who are too emotional are crazy.

- i'm starting to realise that being the only black person in my group of friends has a lot of perks!!!

i said on twitter that i am going to be buying an album a week from itunes and i need your input. what album should i buy this week? i want something really good, an album that i can actually play from beginning to end without skipping any songs.

try to be unique, less mainstream, think more mellow.

put your suggestions in the comment box,

been talking to a lot of bloggers on bb, pretty amazing people. send me your pins if you want to talk

i'm really typing this fast cos a friend got me a gift card to the nails salon shop next to my house that is expiring today so i need to go get a manicure and pedicure today, no time to proofread!! have an awesome weekend guys.i'm going to be here studying all weekend.

'it's complicated'

2011-01-22T18:03:00.000-08:00

you know that boy you have liked since forever?

then you hear that he is breaking up with his girlfriend and you go..'yeah!!! finally!! someone else gets a chance' and then instead of changing their relationship status to 'single'..he goes the 'its complicated' route?

and you know nothing is official unless it gets on facebook.lol

..and then you're like...'dude, break up with the bitch already!!!!'.

no?

yeah, me neither.

leggy.

happy new year

2011-01-18T02:27:00.001-08:00

this year started right....spent my whole christmas in nigeria..just got back yesterday.

i extended my graduation date to dec. 2012 or 2013 may. not sure yet. i might extend it to 2013 just because i need to enter grad school in september not january..according to the so-called 'really good schools' that sent me their newsletters to apply for grad school.

i'm starting to enjoy my chE classes.. especially the fluids class i took last semester..i'm actually looking forward to my heat transfer classes this semester.

what else?

of course, nigeria was a whole load of fun. families, friends, boys-who-spend-money-on-girls, posing, gists. it was just plain awesome. i did the whole tour...abuja, lagos, aba, awka, owerri. it was so therapeutic for me. i'm back and recharged enough to start school.

i'll soon get back to regular blogging as soon as i put my life back together and get some order around here. i have so many bills to pay and what not.

someone sent me a blackberry curve as a 'forgive-me/merry christmas' gift. everything is in his name, even the line..therefore, he is in charge of the bills and all. me, i still love my iphone and will be upgrading to the iphone4 in march. the bb sha gets here in 3 to 4 days, according to the shipping schedule he sent me, i dont know what to do with it. like seriously.

my friends are already sending me their bb pins (thats what its called right?) like crazy. na so craze dey start oh.

when i get it and you want to talk, since its not a phone number or facebook and is still totally anon(right?), you can send me your pins or something through out this week.

new year revolution? i had none this year, i just want to be happy and to get back to my chancellor's list status. i need all that i can to secure a place in grad school cos i really want to go to upenn.

life has been good really. great friends, families and acquaintances.

i took a creative writing class last semester. i was going to post my poems here but i changed my mind cos my teacher wants me to send it in to newspapers and poetry journals to get them published and i can't do that if its somewhere on the web..sorry.

been listening to M.I's new album so much, i know a lot of people feel like its not up to par with his first album but i love it all the same. my favourite songs are number one ft. flavour (igbo kwenu!!), one naira ft waje, imperfect me and God bless you. i still love the whole album though.

this post is really just housekeeping. now off to do my blog rounds.

i hope you had a good holiday and you are having a great new year.

p.s: sorry if there is any grammatical errors, didn't feel like proofreading. i'll try to update every week this semester.

love and peace.

leggy

imperfectly me

2010-11-26T19:59:00.000-08:00

i was going to do a thankful post but i'm not really feeling thankful right now.

i've had a very bad semester, all i can think of right now is going home to my parents and just curling up on my dad's bed and crying. since i got to this country, i haven't been able to cry, like seriously, i can only cry while watching a poetry piece and i recently bought the brave new voices DVD and i just ball my eyes out every time i watch that piece.

i don't like my life at all, i've become very resigned.i used to be so full of life, i used to be so much fun, i used to be able to say what was on my mind when i wanted to. i used to be able to call up a friend and just cry, i know i can still do that but my friends are all thrown across america and the world and we are all so busy with college that its so hard. i used to be so smart-well, i still am but its no longer fun.i no longer get that awesome self-fulfilled feeling of pride when i get an A. i'm all burnt out. i had so much plans and dreams for my life that everyday i feel like i'm settling, i know i'm settling. i no longer get the urge to study and i spend my day feeling average.

i don't have friends i trust, infact i can count the friends i can actually talk to without being worried that the whole world will hear what i just told them in confidence and apart from my high school friends i can only mention 1 or 2 nigerians and very few girls. only this guy and my friend Carl(i should write about him, his white ass is like the cutest guy i've ever seen) have kept me going, made me laugh, made me thanksgiving dinner.

i've kinda been avoiding this blog cos nowadays when i get angry, i no longer come on here, i just write poems...yeah, i love my creative writing class, its a ray of sunshine in a very cloudy engineering major's life.

i know people say no man can live like an island, but i think i'm the exception. i'm not the friendliest of persons.i don't do it intentionally.people meet me for the first time and automatically decide that i'm snobby...i'm just reserved when i meet people the first few times.

i normally just stay in my room and turn off the outside world, i dont like drama in my life, i really don't. i'm not confrontational, at all, i usually just ignore people or simply cut you out of my life. that part i'm incredibly good at, it surprises me at the ease i can stop talking to someone who was supposedly an old good friend of mine.

one of my friends who i no longer talk to, i have him on twitter and on facebook, he is muted and hidden respectively in both of those networks. we used to be the best of friends in high school, we would talk to each other for hours, our mothers met because of us and realised that they apparently knew each other from high school.i always listen to his troubles and i've always been there for him.i remember when his dad died, he told me he couldn't close his eyes to go to sleep cos he was scared that he was going to die too, i stayed up with him night after night on school nights and talked to him, joked with him, just to keep his mind off his dad's death.i listened to him talk about the countless girls that he liked and i swear there was a new one every week and i sucked it up and listened. i dont think there was anything that he did not tell me, i knew every damn thing about him, i could blackmail him but thats the trouble, he never listened to anything i had to say.he always told me i was being childish everytime i tried to talk to him about MY problems and then i got tired of having a one sided friendship. when we both came to the US for college, i just kinda cut him off cos i just got tired of being told that i was being childish and there was a time we had a misunderstanding and he called me a liar, you can call me a lot of things, just dont call me a liar. there and then, i just let go of that friendship, it stopped being healthy to me.

i'm imperfect.i will never be perfect. if you cant love me when i'm totally flawed and at my absolute worse then i really dont need you hanging around me. i need friends i can trust.i need to surround myself with people i care about and care about me. i'd rather be totally lonely and without friends than settle and lower my standards. that being said, i do have awesome friends..just not many.

i still am incredibly thankful for God, for family, for awesome if few friends, for life, for love, for all good things that i've been blessed with this year. wow, look at that, and i thought i didnt have anything to be thankful for. i'm thankful God, i'm really thankful.

leggy

i think he knows

2010-11-14T20:12:00.000-08:00

she has been talking to him for a few months and life has never been better.

he understands her, no guy has ever understood her the way he does.

they all think they know her till she leaves and they realise that they never did.

it was quite rare that he knew almost everything about her which was surprising considering the fact that all the previous guys in her life told her how complicated she was but he had her all figured out.

she didnt know much about him, he knew plenty about her. what made her mad, what made her giggle. he told her that her fits of giggles sounded like rain drops in the middle of the night, that made her giggle some more at the cheesiness of it all.

he took her on drives in the middle of the night and had a million and one nicknames for her. sometimes, she asked him if he was just interested in permuting her name cos he had 100s of nicknames for her just from derivations of her name.

he thinks she's awesome and he tells her every chance he gets.

he gets her, he doesnt crowd her, gives her space and makes her want him..miss him.

he told her that he loves her, late at night.

it came as a huge surprise.

he was never serious,always giggling and laughing, she has never actually seen him serious.

they flirted with each other, told each other stuff and enjoyed each other's company but love?

he kept saying, dont you love me back?

he thinks she patronises him.

she has never answered the if she was available question.

it would never happen.

both of them.

oil and water never mix.

she thinks he deserves more than this threat of her as his girl.

his girl?

she just wanted to be called that.

once.

by him.

to last her a life time of not being his.

he told her he loves her.

wants her.

he wants to know if she feels the same way.

she doesnt answer

but she does

and

she thinks he knows.

been wanting to post in a while but i've been busy.

this post is just that.a post.

take and make of it what you want.

school is raping me.i'm Chemical engineering why do i have to take this stupid civil engineering class?!

i cant wait for thanksgiving to get here.i need a break.

been doing my blogrounds, sometimes i dont comment but trust me, ive read them all.

leggy.

dear heart,

2010-10-25T20:52:00.001-07:00

dear heart,

we had an agreement.

why someone so awesome?

why someone so hard to resist?

why him?

i really do wonder what you see. you make me smile.you brought me strawberry lemonade and a croissant cos my facebook status said that i was too lazy to get up and get lunch this afternoon.

you worry about my obsession with spongebob, i worry about your obsession with arrested development.

i told you that zoe can make me gay and you said :'wow, my competition is a woman?'

you tell me i'm awesome every single time we talk.

YOU make me feel awesome.

and when you turn to smile at me right after i hit you for saying something really silly, you just turn, stare at me and laugh and make me like you even more.

you put up with my mood swings, my headaches, my depression and make me smile all the time.

it worries me that we would never date.

the only thing standing between you and i is reality.

and my skin.

and your eyes.

wake me when society fades.

i raided tumblr and i loved those quotes.

i hate mutual crushes.

they never end well.

leggy.

is it your money?

2010-10-20T02:47:00.000-07:00

i cannot stand people who rant when rich people spend their money the way they see fit.

they made the money didnt they?did you make it with them?

i understand the need to contribute to charities and ish but seriously, if the person doesnt want to, its seriously none of your business. it's their money.they made it alone.

why dont you make your own money, enter forbes list then share the money to all the poor!!

freaking stop complaining about something that is none of your damn business.

i hate that some nigerians have this sense of entitlement towards rich people's money.

are you kidding me?

let someone contribute to charity or help you out because they want to, not because they are entitled to or because you feel that because you know the person that the person is entitled to help you.

freaking get over it.

the priviledged seriously owe you nothing.

stop freaking complaining when they spend THEIR money, that is why it is THEIR money, THEY worked for it not YOU so dont frigging tell them how the heck to spend the money that THEY worked hard for!!!

you can obviously tell that im so mad right now.

i cant stand it when people complain that rich people dont give to the poor, and quoting Bible for me. Jesus said 'give with a cheerful heart' not because some people want you to.

its all good and well to give to the poor but please do not detect to someone who worked hard all their lives on how to spend their money.

leggy

i like being normal

2010-10-18T21:05:00.000-07:00

i like being in like.

even if its with his slanted eyes and that secret tattoo on his back that noone knows about.

i like having a normal family

even if it means that i dont have any stories to tell

i liked having a happy childhood

even if it means i dont have any parents to blame for my failures

i love having parents who think im awesome

i dont believe any other person who tells me that im not

i love being past that stage where i care about what people say about me

i think i like having people talk about me

i like the fact that i've never had a boyfriend

noone ever asks me about my opinion on a relationship

i'm sorry that you think that i lead boys on

i dont have a reason, its just fun.

i like that i've accepted the fact that college is for experimenting

we wouldnt be here without it.

i like being normal.

even if it means i'm boring.

by the way, my statics test raped me big time just incase you were wondering.

nigeria and other countries

2010-10-18T00:40:00.001-07:00

took a study break by 2:40am to read the BBA5 link my friend sent me...comments made after the uti win.

so, apparently, a lot of africans who commented said that he only won because he was nigerian...(ummm...duh!you think?!)

that because a lot of nigerians work at m-net so they just gave uti the money even though the other guy won.....(chee yah, try and get more of your people into mnet now).

that no matter what happens that nigerians are still known as crooks..(sure, we're crooks, but we're rich crooks)

that its unfair because we are the most populous black country in the world so they shouldnt choose by voting...(sigh...dont forget highest number of telecommunication networks in africa so we kinda have the cellphones to vote too)

someone even said something about the size of our penis..(yeah, just like d'banj said: we are kinda endowed like that)

big brother africa is nigerian..(this one cracked me up, i mean he doesnt have to be nigerian, we are crooks, we probably just bribed him.)

because we are rich we think we can dominate africa...(yeah...sigh..sorry but if it makes you feel better, obama didnt come to our country, he went to ghana.i think thats why hes approval ratings are dropping so much btw.lol)

someone said our anthem is such an irony..(yeah, we kinda used that literary device cos we are literary geniuses like that...side eye at wole soyinka, chinua achebe, chimamada)

if our girls are so pretty why did uti go for sheila(shes apparently another contestant), someone replied this comment and said 'because nigerian girls are ugly' ..(yeah, thats why we are the only country that has produced a black miss world who also ranked 7th in the universe..yawn, very boring fact ofcourse)

nigerians are manipulative..(ummm...baby?we know.)

some of the comments:

- All 9JA people are arrogant and shallow and they think they own GOD

- ITS CONFIRMED!!!!!! MNET IS TRYING TO BUY NIGERIAS VIEWERSHIP CAUSE OF ITS POPULAS...ITS A HUGE MARKET!!!! ....AT OUR EXPENSE!!!

- he battle was between Munya & Mwisho. They have been robbed. My take would have been Mwisho.It is 419 as usual.

- True guys south africa need to wake up nigeria make money out of us. It's not a an african show but nigerian. if you guys remember if those guys none of their countries voted where are thre other vote.

Concerned

As far as I am concerned, this show is totally NIgerian, from producers, to Presenters to winners. It is in OSuth africa yet tehre is hardly any SOuth African srtists ever featured on teh show. Uti did not deserve to win, it was Munya;s win, except he is not NIgerian...

p.s:ofcourse you have to take their english into consideration.

dont you just love it when other african countries hate on us?

i didnt watch the show but just reading that thread gave me an idea of what the show was like.

so apparently ghana supported us-im still in shock by this fact sha.

i wish i knew how to do a screen shot. the comments were super funny.

back to doing thermo homework, studying for statics exam and writing a paper for my english class.

sigh.

i hate school.

i like you, because

2010-10-06T23:06:00.000-07:00

- i've seen you cry.

- most importantly you've seen me cry and i kinda need you near me so that you cant tell anyone else what i look like when i cry.

- you think im cute even when im in an oversized t-shirt and hair net.

- you thought i was gay the first time we met cos my friend mike told you so.thanks mike.

- you're private.i like that.

- you let me get away with not texting you back whenever i just dont feel like it

-you look so funny when you scold me that i always burst out laughing.i just cant seem to keep a straight face when you're angry.

- my accent cracks you up

- you're an awesome kisser

- you know enough to leave me alone when i dont want to talk

- you respect the fact that i dont want a boyfriend or to define our relationship but we do have an understanding.

- you're smart.i can have an intelligent conversation with you.

- you are sweet enough to send me lady antebellum's 'i need you' at exactly 1:15am.

- you help me crack my knuckles

- you believe in me

i like you, because, you are everything i need in my life and more.

i like you mostly because you like me too.

i'm also glad that you do not know about my blog.so i can write about you whenever i want!!

ive been really depressed lately.i dont know why.i cant cry.i dont know where my tears have gone. i dont even know why im depressed.

ughhh!!

i love my creative writing class,it takes the stress off of all the engineering classes that im taking this semester.

i hope you guys are having a great week cos im having a horrible one.i just want to cry.ill be back with a proper post soon.

p.s:if you're following me and you want me to check out your blog.just leave me a comment on this post and ill check you out,thanks.

love,

leggy

being black.

2010-09-21T00:01:00.000-07:00

everyone who knows me or has ever read my blog knows i never talk about race cos frankly, i dont care.

Coming from Nigeria and living there all my life, frankly, the last thing on my mind in any given day is race or the colour of my skin. i dont have that many african american friends because according to them i'm not black, i'm nigerian..ummm...well, excuse me while i check the colour of my skin. i dont get it.i'm just not one to care about race discussions:i rarely comment on blogposts that talk about race, i never discuss it with friends, i really dont care that barack obama is president, i just really have better things to talk about.

my friend said i need to declare more often that im a proud, strong black girl.

ummm...no.i'm a strong girl, period.

this post isn't to pretend that racism doesnt exist, ofcourse it exists. i just refuse to acknowledge it.i go to a predominantly white school with an alarming low percentage of black people so if i count everytime someone who isnt the same colour of skin as me has been not so nice to me as racism..wow,ill be one bitter girl by now.

most of the times when something happens, my friends always lash on to something racial and i always think:what if he is just an asshole?

i just dont get race, i dont even know how to discuss or talk about it, i spent 16 years of my life in a country where i didnt have to think about the colour of my skin, as a junior in america ive just chosen to ignore it.

so, what brought on this rant?

my white guy friend told me this evening that and i quote:'you are the whitest black girl i have ever met' and he said it in such a tone as if he actually thought he was complimenting me.

i was like huh?

my race doesnt define me.

i speak proper english cos i went to a very good private school back home and cos my mum is an english teacher i wasn't even allowed to speak broken english.

i'm smart cos i study and i'm good at math cos my dad is a mechanical engineer and from a very young age he influenced my education a lot which is one of the reasons i'm studying chE in the first place.

i can't dance cos my dad can't dance either.i dont have rhythm.

so when my african-american friends rag on my for trying to be white and my white friends compliment me on 'being white' it just really rubs me the wrong way. this was just the way i was raised. most nigerians i know are also like me!!!!

i can't stand stereotypical statements. i dont make them and i hate it when people make them around me. you cannot make statements like that cos you have not met everybody in the world.

stereotypes are only part of the story, it is not all of the story.

i have two really close african-american friends and one of their friends once told me that im not being true to my blackness cos i said that i'm not a big fan of rap and that i think lots of rappers dont say anything meaningful in their songs. mind you, i also mentioned the only 6 real rappers i can ever listen to, but no, they ignored that and latched on to the fact that i said that i'm not a big fan.

i dont have to like certain things, talk a certain way, or have only black friends to prove the fact that im black and proud.

i would think that my black skin speaks enough for me.

being black in america just freaking bugs me!!! i'm tired of people telling me who is being racist to me and who isnt, im tired of people telling me how wearing my hair naturally is going to help me appreciate my blackness more, im tired of people telling me how 'white' i am being when i speak.

i was born black.

my behaviour has nothing to do with the colour of my skin, my likes and dislikes have nothing to do with my skin.

sometimes i just feel like a shadow, like everyone sees my skin and not the person behind the colour.

'i am not my skin, i am not my hair, i am that soul that lives within'

- India Arie

i think she puts it excellently.

indecisive

2010-09-13T03:50:00.000-07:00

i went from:

i can only date nigerians.

i cant stand nigerians, i doubt ill marry one.

i cant date other africans either. i rarely even talk to other africans.

i can't date someone of a different race.it's a waste of time and my parents would kill me if i did.

what they dont know won't hurt them.

being invited to watch a movie with him after midnight on saturday. he rented 'something new'. subtle much?

oh.what the hell?!he's cute and i like him.ill just go with the flow.

we might be different shades of colours...

but i cant help falling in love with you (cue elvis presley's voice).

hey blogville.

i've been terribly busy this semester. i'm taking 6 classes, 19 hours and four engineering classes. but its been okay so far.just woke up to do my CE( i dont know why chEs are required to take a CE class) homework and decided to update my blog.

this is basically what has been going on in my life.

i never drink alcohol but last week during lunch at one of my oyinbo friend's house we ate with white wine and i fell in love. back home, i'd only had red wine(which i hate) so im glad i found a brand of alcohol that i actually like.

i got a macbook pro.so far i love it, i cant code in excel though cos apparently stupid mac excel doesnt support VBA.which is kind of stupid but the next excel office by mac is apparently going to.

sorry for the long hiatus people.

eat well(i've been eating like a cow lately), sleep(i cant remember the last time i got a good night's sleep), love(rolling eyes) and pray(i need to start doing this more often).

love,

leggy.

google is definitely my friend

2010-08-19T06:13:00.000-07:00

so, im a hugeeeeeeeeeee failure at comforting my friends' broken heart and seriously, im single.what the heck do you expect?!i've never been heartbroken so i definitely have no clue what they are going through and to tell you the truth some of them just get on my nerves.

they cry and say things like:'i'll never find happiness again'.please, you're 19-20..freaking snap out of it.

'he said he'd always be there'- sigh, seriously?do i even need to comment?

'i cant believe he slept with her, he said he would wait for me to be ready'--thats how he kept himself busy while he waited dear.

'she's not even that pretty'---yeah, sweetheart, im sorry to break it to you, she is.

'he didnt deserve me'-sigh, the classic line.

and then the famous facebook breakup because if its not on facebook, its not official yet.
so and so went from 'in a relationship' to 'single'.
and then ofcourse the girl's friends will comment and go
'he didnt deserve you anyway'--ummm, why didnt you tell her before she got into the relationship
'oneday, you will find someone who will cherish and love you'--oooo--kkaaayyy.
'i cant believe he went into another relationship 5mins after you guys broke up'--amebo, wayy to rub it in.even i am not that insensitive.

i love my friends so ofcourse these are all what i think not what i say.
so i say things like 'dont worry dear, you'll be fine'. recently, we were like a team of 4 and someone stole my line!so you know how everyone says something and then you're left there cracking your brain, so i googled..'things to tell your friend when she is heartbroken'.
so i personally had the best line that night...i quoted the genius that yahoo answers be:
is he really worth all these tears?one day you're going to look back and wonder why you even wasted those tears.

and she burst into more tearsmeaning i did succeed in reaching out to her.

results:blowing up my phone in the middle of the night whenever she cried.sigh.i should have stuck with my classic line 'you'll be fine' cos they always turn out to be anyway

how you guys doing?
this is a little rushed and i couldn't proofread.

leggy.

p.s

2010-08-14T20:35:00.000-07:00

i waited 17 years for the perfect first kiss

most of the time, i regret not waiting one more year

to atleast kiss someone i actually really like

now that i've met him....

.....i cant wait to be 19.

leggy

i'll tell her..

2010-08-08T00:00:00.000-07:00

that this life is hers and noone should tell her how to own it.

i'll remind her that God gave us the rainbow to view the world because it is never really black and white.

that she should never not doubt because doubting doesnt make her weak, it makes her woman enough to take the truth.

and when those eyes stare her down and feed her disappointment she should learn to accept.

she should be as elastic as the vagina, learn to accept and to give and when the world decides to try to rape her of her innocence, she should learn to heal.

i'll tell her not to be afraid to cry, the tears wash away the hurt, the heartbreak, the failures, it prepares a venue for time to take its course.

and then i'll call her honey to remind her that sweet things never come easy, that just like the bees the world won't hesitate to sting her where it hurts most.

like a lighthouse, i'll lead her to safety.

and just because love like snow melts away easily, it doesnt mean she shouldn't reach out and grab it.

i'll make sure she knows that her caramel tinted skin is God's way of making sure the earth has a little flavour, remind her to treat every man with the same respect because this reality show called life is too short for her to be the judge, she should learn to be a participant.

show her that these feet should be able to carry her to the reality of her dreams but she shouldn't think running is the only way to walk.she should learn to enjoy the sand that keeps her from walking too fast and the water that runs onto shore to wash her scars away.

i'll make sure to let her know,that the millions of words in the dictionary doesnt describe her, how could they possibly begin to describe her uniqueness?

let her know that the birds and the bees cannot begin to describe the chemistry that brought her into this space.

remind her that her tears at birth is the beginning of the duality of good and bad, she should learn to accept each.with open arms she should embrace circumstances but also remember that they do not define who she is or who she would become.

i'll let her realise that the beings that will attract her and make her create her own sexual chemicals do not define her.let her know that love is filled with numerous flavours and she shouldn't be afraid to taste them.

i'll make sure to let her know that her mother isn't perfect, and neither is she.

decided to give you guys a little snippet of what i'm working on.i hope you figured it out, if you didn't...this is a writeup to my unborn girl. tell me what you think.

how you guys doing?

leggy.

happy :-)-->totally random

2010-07-20T16:11:00.000-07:00

i'm feeling so much better thanks to you guys.
i spoke to my dad today and he made me laugh so much that when i dropped the phone i realised that i have so much to be thankful for.
so what if im a little tired of some people? there are still many people out there that genuinely care about me and want me to stay happy.
its been so long since i did a random here, so im going to do a random today!!

- its funny how everytime i want something unnecessary from my dad, i say:'well..unless you cant afford it..' and the man will reply saying 'expect it the day after tomorrow'.my dad has soo much pride eh, i actually learnt that trick from my mum who uses it like all the time! its funny how the man has 5 girls plus my mum who use this trick on him and he still hasnt caught up.*shakes head*

- i love music.sometimes, i'd listen to a song and think:'thats exactly how im feeling'. songs make me realise that someone somewhere has already gone through what im going through and that my problem isnt unique.it helps me a lot.
i also just realised that johannes brahms' lullaby was the piece that my mum used to 'sing' and my dad used to whistle to me during bedtime when i was little.
im currently hooked on secrets by one republic.
i dont really like rap cos apart from 5 rap artists that i actually listen to(jay,eminem,TI,kanye and drake), others dont really make sense.i just cant listen to something that i cant really say 'this is what this song is talking about'.im starting to get into B.O.B though.

-i'm a big book fan.I'd read anything.
someone actually advised me to lose myself in a book because of my last post and i took your advise and read sidney sheldon's memories of midnight.it was okay.
i'm a huge harry potter fan-->i cant count how many times ive reread those books.
random fact:the only book more translated than the harry potter series is the Bible.

-i'm not a very religious person.i go to church, i strongly believe in God but im just not that religious.i try to pray often though and i try to be a good person.i really strive to be good.
i try very hard to at least obey the golden rule:'do to others what you would like them to do to you'.
i dont understand people who would do something continuously to someone and then when people turn around and do the same to them they act surprised.
i once heard someone say:'because of the way i insult people, these people are now ganging up to insult me'-->what did you expect?!that they'd lie dormant while you insult them?smh

- have you ever had a crush on someone for like forever and suddenly you just snap out of it?!
i used to like this boy and when he asked me out i just realised:'gosh, i dont want to date him!!what did i see in him in the first place?!'..i let him down easy though.i didnt actually say that i dont like him.sometimes, i think he thinks that i still like him.*rolls eyes*

-19 is the age that my dad would let me have a boyfriend.it used to be 20 until we reached a compromise.a lot of people wonder why i kept to this age thing when my dad is like 3000miles away and wouldn't know if i had a boyfriend.i'm really close to my dad, trust me, he'd find out.i can't keep things from my dad,he always finds out.plus i just feel like my dad has sacrificed so much for his girls(thats what he calls my sisters, my mum and i), if this is the only thing he wants in return then its fine with me.its not like i even want a boyfriend now sef,
purpose of this particular info:im turning 19 in a little over 2 months.
i dont know if i should be excited.shrug. 19 is such an unimportant age.

-A lot of times when i say that ive never worn weaves(and dont see myself wearing one) people think im dissing weaves.nope, i dont care what anyone does with their hair cos frankly, no matter what anybody says its your hair.i just prefer braids or wearing my hair out thats all.

- in a lot of ways, i feel like if i had stayed in nigeria for college, my life would have been a whole lot easier and better.more friends for one. i dont really have close friends here, whenever i have issues i still call my old classmates who are all scattered around the America. i cant wait to move out of my apartment complex though.im tired of everything here.

currently listening to: daughtry - september
i really like my poetry class.i had to write a 7 paged essay and it's worth 20% of my grade.if i make an A in it then im guaranteed an A in the class so my fingers are crossed.
my physics class on the other hand isnt going too well....one of the things that is seriously depressing me.
so apparently, im underweight. i'm trying to gain 10pounds so ive been eating a lot of meat which i really dont think is going to help because thats all ive always eaten and i never gain weight.
everytime i pass a mirror or a reflective door, i look at my reflection, does that make me vain?
i have this really good friend of mine who is becoming to matured eh, its now such a pleasure having a conversation with her.

have a great week,
leggy.

i'm drowning

2010-07-19T10:58:00.001-07:00

this summer
everyone around me seems so bent on changing me
i'm surrounded by the whole world and still i feel so alone
i grope in the dark trying to find some directions
everyone seems to know how exactly i should live my life
everyone has that memo but me
i'm drowning in a very dark sea and everyone is watching me drown.
i had lunch with him last night
i talked, he listened
'you'll be fine', he said
why dont i believe that?
ive hit an all time, record-breaking low.
every night i waste in tears
but i'm strong
so every morning, i dust off my smile and put it back on
because i need to survive.

currently listening to: enya:only time.

dear crush.

2010-07-18T14:28:00.000-07:00

dear boy-i-have-a-crush-on,

i want to kiss you like vows unbroken --> bassey ikpi

i like you. like really like you. i like you like i like strawberries dipped in chocolate that you brought me for lunch in school and then made a big deal about it not being a valentine gift. i never told anyone that because i haven't liked anyone in a long time i dont want to jinx you.

i like you how i like omelet even though i might be lactose intolerant.i guess this is my way of saying that even though i really like you i still think that you are really bad for me. i like you like i like taking walks which you insist i do because i dont want to burden anyone by asking for rides and then you show up at my door every sunday to prevent me from walking the 30minutes to school. i like you for that.

i like you the way i like badly written books but i cant stop reading them because i can't believe that the editor was so stupid as to publish them. i dont even know what that means.

i like that you like me for me. that you like my weird humor and you compliment me every chance you get. girls like compliments, you would think that every boy would know that but they really don't. seriously.

i hate that you are shy.i hate that you have never given me a real hug but always complain that i skip you whenever i hug people. i like that you apologise whenever you do something that you think even remotely made me mad. i like that you have absolutely no idea how to be romantic, so that when you actually do something romantic i know that it is very genuine. i like that we have that unspoken secrecy.what we talk, text or facebook about remains totally between us. i like that you know that i only jump into the bathroom when you call me to tell me that you are on your way to my house, i like that you dont whine about having to wait for me. i like that you like me. for me.just me.

with love,

leggy.

an unusual love story

2010-07-14T13:04:00.000-07:00

contrary to popular belief, no songs went off when i saw him, i didnt walk in to that room in slow motion and he didnt look up at me with the sudden realisation that we were meant to be. the scenario above would have been nice but contrary to the romantic comedies, none of that happened. instead, we argued.
i said his name was ridiculous, he said he thought i was very igbo(which i am and proudly too.). so no, we didn't start off on the right foot, but at least we started off on a foot huh?that's something right?
insults became our thing, i thought he was too tall, he thought i was too tall for a girl..i said he was dumb, he said i looked like a worn out broom every time i put on heels...to which i begged to differ.

the insults turned into discussions held long into the wee hours of the night and we used to try to keep track of how many minutes we had spoken since we met, i was so sure it was 480,000minutes..he thinks its 479999minutes.
he thinks im attractive. 'i know', i always reply
he thinks im vain. 'if i dont love me who will?', i always retort.
i find that the fact that since his time in america he has never had one black girlfriend, all white, is very interesting; he thinks that the fact that i think my Japanese friends are ridiculously cute is a classic case of the pot calling the kettle black. to which i replied: but you do know that you are black right?
gazing at the stars and trying to spot stars in the starless city that we live in is our thing.

no.this isn't a post about how we fell in love, this is a post about our friendship.
the fact that he sends me hilarious voice messages whenever he travels telling me how many stars he counted in the skies.
that part of our friendship where he makes me laugh till i cant catch my breath.
he sends me pictures of very ridiculous things, like a girl with her butt crack showing with messages like:doesnt this bear a remarkable resemblance to your face?
the fact that he makes me feel good about myself whenever i talk to him.
that kind of guy who put the man in manhood
who knows how to make a girl's heart beat to his footsteps.

and even though we have 4 years between us, we still understand each other very well.
i do not finish his sentences.
i do not know what he is thinking before he says it.
but i listen to what he has to say when he does say it.

he's probably the worst cook you'd ever meet, he thinks wherever he has to put salt then sugar has to follow suit, he thinks that putting the most ridiculous things in food and adding red wine makes him a chef.

his igbo is nothing to write home about regardless of the fact that he speaks english, french and spanish fluently. so i insult him in igbo while he teaches me all the dirty words no respectable professor will teach me in french class.

this post was definitely in rambles and pieces but thats how our friendship is.full of randoms.
i spoke to him last night for two hours.
so since we've met, we've spoken for 480,120 minutes, he thinks we have spoken for 480,119minutes.
see how he infuriates me?

im late for work so im going to skip the process of looking for a favourite facebook status.
hope you guys are doing well? im so eager to move into my new apartment which comes furnished!!im shopping for beddings though.heard j.c.penny is having a sale so im definitely going to check them out!!i want to decorate in pink!!
have a good week ahead.
im updating a lot arent i?

~You'll always be my best friend, you know too much!"~

do intentions matter?

2010-07-09T00:36:00.000-07:00

im one of those people who dont question why people do good things, as long as someone less privileged benefited from their acts of kindness i dont care why they did what they did.

take companies who give checks to charities or donate in some other way to charities to get tax cuts, and people have the guts to criticise them. i dont care that they are only giving because they would get tax cuts, the point is:someone, somewhere benefited from them giving.what have you that is criticising them done?have you ever given to charity or helped someone along the way?
sometimes the answer is yes but still these companies donate millions of dollars to those charities;money that they obviously need.

recently, some random person helped me get through a lot of stuff that i was going through.we weren't close before this incident, he was just some white dude i used to talk to when i felt like it but he helped me with so much stuff and now we are pretty close. when i talked to my friend about this boy recently, he had the guts to say and i quote:'he was only helping you to get close to you'.
ummm...you are my friend right?you are already close to me so why didnt you help me?
i dont care why he did it, the fact is:he did it when you didnt.
as long as he didnt have any bad intentions or meant to hurt me by helping me then i dont care why he did it.

in nigeria, many people especially in the northern part believe that the prayers of a beggar is very strong, so they give a lot to beggars and stuff.
people criticise them a lot for giving just because they want the blessings that they will supposedly get by giving to these beggars.
do you think the beggar cares about the intentions of those who give him money?!
as long as they dont have any evil intentions, why should we care that they are only doing it for the 'blessings'?!

tonight, Lebron made an announcement on espn and he had a 1-hour special and he is donating all the money he made through ads and endorsements to children charities.
now, everyone is calling him narcissistic because he didnt go to team they wanted him to go to(thats a story for another day) but they are forgetting the millions of children that are going to benefit from this special.you can call him narcissistic all you want but bottom line is:he is making a difference.regardless of if he is doing it to make himself look good or if he is doing it to get more endorsements, fact of the matter is:do you think that the children that he is helping with this money cares why he is giving it to them?(he has written numerous checks to charities in the past btw).
a friend of mine had the guts to say that he didnt need to go through all that, that he could have just written them a check from his own personal account.
ummm...let me educate you:according to forbes list, Lebron made about $43m between june of last year and june of this year, according to estimates this special is going to rake in not less than $20m.is it realistic to ask someone to write a $20m check(half of his income) to a charity?that he is what?

lets face it.we are human beings and in as much as we hate to admit it, sometimes we need incentives to do good.in as much as we like to preach and pretend, the fact stil remains that if governments dont offer tax cuts when you donate to charity, 0.75 of these companies wouldnt give a dime!thats human nature.
am i saying its right?no.
but as far as im concerned as long as someone doesnt have evil intentions, the reason why he/she is doing something shouldnt matter as long as someone benefits from it.
and thats what I think!!

favourite fb comment: i wanted to drown all my problems but all those bastards could swim!

i can't sleep so pardon the way this was written, i just had an argument with my friend and just wanted to get this off by chest.
hope you have a good night and a good weekend.ciao.

a child's imaginative lies

2010-07-05T09:19:00.000-07:00

i was talking to a friend of mine yesterday and he reminded me of when i told everyone in my set that my family and i lived in a tree and that we could only afford the school fees for a private school because we cleaned our white proprietress' house. i said it so many times that people actually believed me and treated me with such pity and i always got my way until someone saw the house that i lived in.
that made me laugh at how gullible a bunch of 9, 10,12 year olds could be and how gullible people are in general even though we'd all like to think that we can spot a very stupid, unnecessay lie.

i remember in my primary 5, a guy who was in ss1 asked me out.i was 10.i told him i was 15.

in my jss1, i told my introtech teacher that i didnt submit my homework because my mum was terminally ill and was admitted to the hospital.

in ss1, i told my physics teacher that my dog ate my homework.we didnt even have a dog.

in my jss3, i gave my literature teacher a carton of soap and vegetable oil that some random company gave my dad as a gift without my parents' permission so that she'd like me and the stupid woman came to thank my mum when she came to pick me up and my mum who obviously had no idea what the woman was thanking her for played along.i got my ass kicked that night.

i told my dad that the gay romance book i was reading was for a research about the gay community.i was in jss2, who the heck is going to ask a jss2 girl to write a paper on the gay community?!

i used to tell my mum that i had to stay late in school and that i'd follow my best friend home and my best friend would tell her folks the same thing just so that we could bike home.we loved biking home.i mean seriously, the wind on your face is awesome.

everytime a guy asks me out, i always go the 'its not you, its me' route. im always like 'i cant date someone now, i just cant but i really like you' but what im actually saying is 'get a clue, i stopped liking you a month ago and you knew from the first day that i met you that i dont want a boyfriend what made you think you'd change my mind?!'.

my friend paul in my primary one was always insulting me so i told him that my mum is a doctor and that shes a very mean and wicked person and she said that she'd come to his house at night and cut off his lips.needless to say, i got into a lotttttttt of trouble when his parents found out that the reason why their son wasnt sleeping was because i threatened him.

for some reason when i was little, i used to think i was a witch so i used to threaten my sisters and i used to say that i'd suck their blood- i really dont know where that came from but if you had three older sisters like i do, you'd make up something to save your ass from getting kicked.needless to say, they beat the witchcraft out of me.

i once licked a plate clean after eating with it and told my mum that i washed it and she used it to put food for a guest who came to our house that sunday.i felt so bad, my sisters sha thought it was HIGH-larious when i told them.i guess by now you can tell that we didnt like this particular guest.he came every sunday during lunch time to see 'my dad'.yeah right.

my househelp one time couldnt read and this guy wrote her a love letter and she made me read it to her and write a reply to the guy. i didnt like her plus she always made sure i ate my vegetables or she'd tell my mum so i wrote that she was pregnant and in need of a man who can handle the responsiblities of being a father.ofcourse, the guy avoided her like a plague after that.i think she always suspected me cos she treated me so bad after that.

i told my friends in primary school that my dad is a police man.i dont know why i did that, i just felt like saying that he is an engineer was going to be boring.so i said police man.

i once told my friends that we didnt have electricity and that the phone they used to call me was my neighbours' and we watched movies and tv through their window.i dont know why i said that.i just thought it'd be funny.

i loved making up stories when i was little and the most ridiculous thing is that when i actually needed to lie, i'd always tell the truth, like whenever something happened at home, my mum would always ask me cos she always knew i'd tell her the truth.i always had a very ridiculous imaginative mind growing up, i could come up with such colourful stories and convince YOU that it's reality. now, i lead a very boring life.now, i never lie.lies always have a way of catching up with you,so i just never do it.i'd rather not tell you something than lie to you.

okay, this is the part where you tell me a really funny white lie you've told to someone or made someone tell.i'd really love to hear them.

favourite facebook quote:" I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content -Philippians 4:12"

hope you had a fun 4th of july-i got sick but it still turned out great. i was watching episodes of bones and i'm living alone this summer so i got a little paranoid and scared so i spent half the night with my friends.
so today, im grateful that i have friends who don't think its ridiculous that i got a little scared.
have a great week.

before the cell phone....

2010-06-22T18:14:00.000-07:00

.....'toasting' was much, much fun.
cheesy lines made the days of 12, 13 and 14 year olds from the 'ill love you till sugar stops being sweet' to 'i stood by the ocean and cried and a tear fell into the ocean and until that drop of tear is found i shall never stop loving you'- wetin you dey do for near ocean in the first place abeg?
the letters telling you how they love you and want you to be their girlfriends..and they expect you to reply immediately telling them yes, no or maybe. of course before they hand you the letter, they show the subtle signs that they like you, pulling out chairs for you, always sticking up for you or copying your notes(i used a lot of boys in my jss days for this) then the letters come.
of course, you first read the letter then proceed to consult all 46 of your friends on whether you should say yes or no, now your answer depends on the class you are in, jss1 girls are still in that self-righteous stage where having a boyfriend is a 'sin' but if your friends have passed that stage, they'll proceed to tell you if they like or dislike him , or if he smells, or if he is a dummy.

you are officially a big girl if an upperclassman asks you out, omG, you become a celebrity over night, you are suddenly deemed worthy of womanhood, but if asked out by an underclassman..uhhh, your status falls like mad! of course, in high schools when we are still pretentious SOBs, we never ask out guys of course, oh sure, you can make out with them but never ask them out. of course, if no boy at all has ever asked you out...that means you are that person who no one likes or everyone thinks is so holy and wears that long skirt and long socks to school.

if you get asked out by an FBI, you are at an all time high, FBI in my school stands for 'fine boys international', these were the very, very, dreamy hot guys whose parents were of course rich and they gave the best girlfriend gifts and girls were always fighting over them and they were all in ss3.
i remember when this girl who was in jss3 when i was in ss2 asked out an FBI guy and the whole school started hating on her cos she did the most random things to try and get the guy, she bought him gifts(which he proceeded to return), hid letters in his bag, the whole school used to mock her and call her 'cheap' and all sorts of names until she couldn't take it anymore and transferred to queen's college. needless to say, we missed her.lol

if you happen to meet them on the street and they proceed to 'pfft' at you to stop and you so happen to stop they have to spit their best lines in order to get you to meet them again. most times the guys you meet through this process are razz and they'd proceed to spit up lines like: 'i want to know your name and your yard' or ' i just spy you from across the way and fell in love'--na so dem dey fall in love?

i miss those days when just a trip to mr. biggs would suffice as a date, when everyone was shy and valentine day was a day to show that you are a big girl and you are well-liked.

i miss those days when no one dumps you over the phone and they come up with really awesome lines to dump you, i dont think i ever heard the whole 'it's not me, it's you line' before, my friend's boyfriend in jss3 actually told her 'i have used you, now i'm dumping you'--->DEAD!!

then the cell phone came out and boys stopped using their brains to come up with lines, why should they when they sold a collection of sms recycled text messages for less that 100naira and parents started becoming suspicious and reading their kids' text messages(i had a parent come to my school to warn a boy off her daughter!!), and girls spent more time fronting and frustrating boys when yes, no or maybe used to be the only three options, then boys had to buy you recharge cards to prove that they actually like you and then letter writing took the back sit and nowadays when you meet guys on the street they proceed to collect your number instead of trying to convince you there and then that they like you.

i remember when an army man stopped me, get this, i was just 15, and he proceeded to spit all his rubbish and then gives me his card, as i turned and started walking home i dropped the card into the nearest dumpster, only to hear the man yell 'hey you!!' to which in response i pulled up my pants and took off!!

i'm a big sucker for technology but i miss my jss1 - jss3 days(i got a phone in my ss1) when i used to get letters and proceed to read them out loud to my sisters who in turn made fun of the boys.

a friend of mine who i went to secondary school with asked me out for the 9th time in 8years last week, like seriously, i keep wandering when this boy will give up, i didnt agree in jss1 what makes him think i'll agree as a junior? this boy has asked me out every year without fail.

i hope you guys are having an awesome week cos i'm not, i had to take a statics and physics test this week and then i have a paper due and an economics test on thursday.sigh.

p.s:i know this post is all over teh place but hopefully, you get the gist and all the things here are based off my school so dont get all personal if thats not how it happened in yours.

fave facebook status:
person on fb: i love him so much because he loves me too
commenter: must have a lot of love in him cos he's spreading it all out nicely to other girls.
me:o_O

yeah, do you guys like my template?im experimenting! :-)

running through my head

2010-06-17T18:32:00.000-07:00

i have a crush on a friend of mine who is in an LDR. he's very smart and he makes me laugh. we have an awesome friendship so im not planning on ruining it.

sometimes i have doubts. about the Bible, about many things some people believe i should just believe and never question. i try to be a good person, im very honest, i try very hard not to be rude to people and mind my own business. but still i have doubts. oh, i do believe that there is a God but sometimes, Christians make it so hard for me to believe that He is a merciful God.

i can so relate to that quote up there.

i believe that one of the worst ways to kill a girl with words is to tell her she's ugly so i try hard not to do it.that doesnt mean i dont do it....i just try not to.

i miss home so much. i miss my mum and my dad and my siblings. i miss my house above all. i miss mtn and glo...i miss credit sharing between phones, i miss...a lot of things and people.and food..dont get me started.

sometimes people who claim that they are outspoken are just plain rude, in my opinion.

the dark scares me. cant sleep with the lights off. im in college and i cant sleep with the lights off. i never dream, ever.is that weird?

i've liked and i've crushed. i want someone to love without the pain.

what would i do without my friends? they always fight for me first, then ask questions later in private. friends who fight and expose their dirty laundry in public are very immature.

Japanese boys are unnecessarily hot. me thinks. especially in my school. my friends think im attracted to asians, not really, i just appreciate.

i love tastefully done nude pictures. after reading debaucheries's post on sleeping naked...i feel like a hag.i sleep naked but ive never thought that.awesome piece.
p.s: hers was the first post i ever read on blogville.

this blog<---- inspired this post. she just writes for herself and i miss that. i like blogging but i miss the days when i LOVED it. im going to start blogging for the fun of it again.

fave fb status:It's 11:11pm Babe, make a wish. It’s sort of a custom of ours and I always ask to know what he wishes for and he always never tells me. I had yet another bad day today but I still went,“It’s 11:11 Babe, make a wish.” He took my hand, closed his eyes and then kissed me. I didn’t have to ask.

^^^a friend wrote that about her boyfriend, i thought it was sweet, my friends thought it was cheesy but i still decided to share.

have a great weekend. summer school is killing me.i love my poetry class though, its awesome.cant wait to take creative writing next semester.i always take 19hours in order to take these classes that have nothing to do with my major and doesnt count towards helping me graduate but i still always love these classes.
im taking statics, econs, poetry and physics(my last ohysics, thank God), this summer..its killing me.

have a great night.peace.

8 years ago....

2010-06-12T18:54:00.000-07:00

so a friend and i were having a very interesting conversation last night and she asked me:'out of all the boys you've met in your life, if you were asked to choose someone to marry from them, who would you choose?'.
i thought about this for a very long time and i came up with so many suggestions and many 'i definitely know i cant marry that one's and then after reaching an inconclusive answer we laughed and dropped the phone.

10 minutes later...
he calls.
he rarely calls me,
most times i do the texting.
met him 8years ago come september..
first day of class i thought he was cute but never gave him another glance
jss2..
he called me 'stockfish'..
that was to be the first of all the 'stockfishes' that were to come..
he called me that all through high school.
last night we talked about secondary school
and we laughed and we remembered
we talked for 2 and half hours..
he was soo smart...i was smarter
he was sooo shy in high school..
just to make him feel very uncomfortable and get him all flustered up and shy...
i called him sexy..seriously.i did.
i was in ss2...jss3 girls hated me cos they thought there was something between us.
but there wasn't..i just honestly thought he was sexy
ss3..he really became sexy..
and he got a girlfriend too..
i remember telling my bestfriend that i was going to break them up
ha ha ha ha...conceited much?
but we just stayed friends..
he told me about his relationship
and i told him about my lack of one
'i just can't seem to be able to get into one', i said.
'you will when the right person comes around',he said.
he once asked me if i liked his girlfriend
i said:'i dont really know her so i cant say anything'.
what i really wanted to say was: 'i really don't'
end of ss3.
america.
both of us.
his girlfriend:in another country
they are still in an LDR...which i hate
he came to see me here recently with his family
thought:he's still sexy.
we talked for two and half hours yesterday and in the last 15minutes, we talked about his girlfriend..and in those 15minutes, i couldn't wait to get off the phone.
when i did get off the phone.
i texted my friend: if i were to choose a husband from all the boys that ive met in my life...i'd pick *inserts his name here*.
but thats not happening anytime soon, i think.

so yeah, if you were to pick someone you've met in your life already to marry, who would you pick?and if you cant tell me the person's name, can you please tell me five reasons you picked the person?

p.s:i won!!thanks to everyone who voted for me and all those who messaged me telling me congratulations.and congratulations to all the other nominated blogs, you guys are good writers and finally, good job to the organizers. very well done.
thanks once again.thank you.

couldn't find a fave fb status because everyone was talking about the football.lol

sleep well. don't diet.if you want to loose weight...just starve.lol.peace.

the other woman

2010-06-03T12:23:00.000-07:00

forgive me father for i have sinned...

i really do love him
despite all the missed holidays, the times stuck at home and the unreturned phone calls
despite the broken promises and the wish that he would just leave her
despite five years of loving him
five years of watching him love her
five years of stolen kisses, sighed conversation, lost memories, uncried tears
uncried tears...i never cry.
the happy memories fill in the cracks of our relationship.
the few happy moments fuel my tide and carry me through
i am the other woman and i watch him love her
twisted with fury but bound inside by love
love?
that ever so pure quality,that ever so gentle quality...
soiled by the acts between the sheets
when he is wrapped all around me and i can feel his breath heave and his heart beat speed up.
his nails tear into my back with passion while his tongue sears mine in rage
in that 10 minutes of raw human passion;
i can pretend
i can pretend that i'm the only one
that when he looks at me, it's actually me he sees
hope...?
it fuels my heart
i spend my time hoping that maybe tonight he will fall in love with me
but i keep hoping that every time we spend together..
he falls a little each time
hopefully.
i stare at him naked in bed as he scrambles for his clothes
he looks at me for a minute as he drops some money on the bed and tells me he loves me
i know what you are thinking...
whore...?
maybe one day i'll get the strength to leave
maybe one day i'd have enough
of watching him love her
maybe one day he'd get tired of watching me, watching him love her
as the society tears me apart
with ridicules and finger pointing..
i walk with my head upright as i march through this life assigned to me
you may not understand,
you may shake your head and judge me
but i still stand and hope he'd love me
it might happened today,
it might happen tomorrow..
might never happen
but i wait...
heart filled with love and rage,
waiting patiently,
i'm the other woman...
don't judge me...
i've done enough judging myself.

hey blogville, long time. i can't say i've been busy cos i haven't.i've just been too lazy to write.
anyway, i used to like a friend of mine who had a girlfriend back in high school, i never acted on it but sometimes, i used to feel like the other woman.thats what inspired this post.
so have you ever liked someone who liked someone else?do share.

p.s:thanks for nominating me for the nigerian bloggers' award..i appreciate it.this might sound cliche but it really is just an honor to be nominated, that's why i haven't campaigned for votes or anything.just thanks for nominating me.love.

fave fb quote: When you kiss, take your time; savor the moment and enjoy the connection..

memories forgotten

2010-05-18T18:25:00.000-07:00

i miss my best friend.
i miss her a lot, a whole lot.
when i met her on my first day in secondary school, i mispronounced her name and since that day we became really, really good friends.
we looked alike, we were the same height, both thin.my parents loved her and vice versa. it was an awesome relationship and what i miss most is the gist and the misfits and the way we made high school fun for each other.

i remember in jss3 when we decided to play a prank on a mutual 'acquaintance' of ours.so we opened a new email using a boy's name and then we started sending her love mails and asking her out.On the first day that we sent the email, we told her how we had met this guy who liked her and so, since we didn't want to give out her number just like that we gave him her email id. three days later, we ask her about the guy and she tells us that she told him off and that she only replied him once....but.....she was sending him emails all the time and my best friend and i were replying and stuff.
after a while, we felt really bad so we decided to quit emailing her and just let the stuff die off but we told a friend, who told a friend, who told a friend..and one Friday during evening lesson, everything blew up in our faces and the girl found out and was really, REALLY, really mad at us. it was really funny though, we felt bad though.lol

In my ss1, a boy asked both of us out...yup.it was really funny to both of us but every other person in my set was making such a big deal out of it.i won't lie the guy was really cute but i just wasn't into him, i think its incredibly immature to ask out two best friends plus i didn't think it was right for him to ask me out considering the fact that his best friend asked me out every term through out high school.we both said no sha, but that was a very loaded time for gossip in my set. people were talking about how we were pretending to still be friends...some said that she told the guy yes behind my back..some said that i did the same thing.it was a mess but i personally think it was one of those events that you just come out of feeling closer and better.

in my ss3, we got nominated for the bestfriendsforever award for our year book that was never printed.

in my ss3, we both got into trouble with out parents.now, whenever i had to go out with my friends and i stayed out late i always told my mum that i had come home earlier but had gone to sparxx's house after wards (she lived quite next to me) and she'd say the same thing. one day, we both went to a party and we apparently forgot our parents' timetable that day cos we stayed quite late and when we got to our respective houses, we both told the usual lie. our parents were so mad cos they had called the others house and they had each confirmed that neither of us ever came to the houses. it was a bad day. that was our only confirmed story, we hadn't rehearsed anything in case the story fell through cos that story had never fallen through so we both clamped up. neither of us said a word.our parents shouted and raked and kept asking but neither of us said a word...we got grounded...FOR THE WHOLE TERM!!! we could only go to each other's houses if a supervising parent would be around. trust me, worst semester ever to be grounded. it was our final term in ss3!!!plenty of parties awaited us.

early in my ss1, sparxx started seeing this guy who i didnt like..i never told her but i guess she sensed it from my attitude. i mean, this dude was dating my sister's friend at the time he asked out my best friend and so we started drifting apart and the boy's sister who was in our set slowly started filling the gaps in our relationship. it was my first term in ss1, i was dealing with my grand ma dying and other issues that at that time, i seriously didnt care. the guy's sister kept making up all these ridiculous rumors about what i'd supposedly said, or done. it wasn't a pretty semester for me, but i got over it. when she broke up with the guy, her friendship with his sister didnt last either.so..we were back once more!!it was a very learning experience for me though.very.

boys are cheats and liars
they are such a big disgrace
they would tell you anything to get a second chance
baseball, baseball, he thinks he's gonna score
if you let him go all the way, then you are a whore!!

we had heard that song above in a movie and we formed some hand claps to the song and we used to sing it all the time in our jss3 and the boys hated us for that.
they used to insult us and tell us that they didn't want us either.lol
it was just for fun though but a whole lot of people took it seriously.
they said sparxx and i and some of our friends were trying to start a 'clique'...thats what my teacher called it.

my first crush ever was a guy my best friend also had a crush on.he liked her back, he just considered me a friend. we had good times together and even though, sparxx and i spoke of everything and told each other everything that guy was one person that neither of us ever spoke about. it was like a silent agreement not to let it ruin our friendship and it didn't.

we used to sing all the time in class...we both didnt have very nice voices, the songs i remember us profoundly singing was 'my boo' by usher, 'keyan boy, keyan girl' by a group i can't even remember, 'candy shop' by 50 cents and then 'irreplaceable' by beyonce. we always had the 'bestest' times singing these songs and we'd dance on our sits. she always used to try her hardest to make me laugh and she always succeeded. looking back now most of those things weren't that funny but i used to laugh till tears dropped from my eyes. she used to recite a particular poem that started with 'where has my love blown its horn?' all the time with this ridiculous look on her face and she'd be kneeling down and i used to laugh my head off till tears were streaming down my face. we had fun singing together, i remember when nicole and avant's 'lie about us' came out, i was obsessed with that song so she downloaded it on her phone for me.we used to read each other's text messages, we knew each other's pins, we used to talk about whose boyfriend we would steal if we had the chance.lol.we were pitiful.

sparxx and i had a beautiful relationship and i miss her so much. i miss having that relationship were i could talk for hours to a girl about nothing, we would talk till we had only 100naira remaining then we would wait and do midnight calls, we used to used that share credit stuff so much. especially when a boy would text me and i didnt have credit then she'd send me 50naira from her money and vice versa.
i loved her...i love her.it was a wonderful friendship and everyday i feel so lonely here and feel like i've not made any really close friends, i remember her and miss her even more.

meeting her made high school worth while, so i dedicate this post to her and i dedicate my 100th follower to her, whomever that may be, and i hope that no matter what happens, the memories of our friendship will never be forgotten.

so, do you guys miss anyone from high school?someone you really loved, it could be a girlfriend or boyfriend, doesn't matter as long as you had a great time with them in high school, you can share that with me in the comments and tell me one very fun mischief you will always remember that you guys did together.

hey guys, how has your summer been?
mine has been really, really boring.

fave fb status: Me: I put it in the wrong hole. person: That's what she said!..That's what he said!..Somebody said that...

have a great summer!!

walk a mile

2010-04-30T10:36:00.001-07:00

take a minute and walk a mile
walk a mile in these shoes of mine
you think my life is perfect?
wear my shoes and find out how hard it pinches
feel the blisters and the sores
feel the hot grounds through the shoes
then wonder how i've walked for this long
you take out the time to judge me
mapping out the way you think i should live my life
thinking i should have said this, done that
walk a mile in my shoes and feel the heartaches
then next time you decide to judge me
let the hands of memories lay on your chest and remind you
you may think that you can live my life way better than i am living it
but have you walked a mile in my shoes?

i'm not going to be self-righteous and tell you that i dont judge people..cos i do..a lot.
i think 'why the heck is she wearing that?'..'why is her weave like that?'..'why the heck is she even wearing a weave?'...'why doesnt she ever smile?, why is she such a slut? why does she always curse? why cant she ever be nice? and then i think 'why does she always judge people?'..lol.

BUT...i try my possible best to remind myself that it's none of my business and move on with my life. i try my best to remind myself that i have no control over how someone lives their life or how they eat, talk, whom they sleep with..as long as it's not affecting me one way or the other then its really none of my business.
this is easier said than done..especially when you are with a group of your girlfriends and you guys are having fun it's really , really hard not to talk about other people..talk about what we heard about their love lives, talk about how we think that girl is a whore, or how that one is dumb or what we saw on facebook..it's really hard.
well, since i can't control what i think most of the times, i try very hard to control what i say..i try to keep my thoughts within me and try not to share them with friends either if i know that its prolly going to hurt someone when it gets out.
most of the times, people say stuff that hurt others and they say that they are 'calling you out on your BS'...uhhhh, most of the time the BS they are calling out is probably none of their business...
so yeah, i'm not here to tell you that im perfect and that i dont judge people...i've just decided to try and be a better person.try to be the kind of person that i would be proud of anytime and anyday.
so before i judge people, i walk a mile in their shoes...
sometimes i still go ahead and judge them
other times, i stop myself before i do.
either ways, i'm trying to be a much better person.

anyway, i wasn't going to blog till after my exams which are like in two weeks but i changed my mind for a couple of reasons.
school is seriously killing me...my chE classes are just too time demanding and i hate my chE programming class...i did my last programming homework for the term and then when i ran the program ,it wouldnt work..so this morning after my class, i met my teacher and we spent two hours trying to figure out what the heck was wrong with the program only to realise that i didnt type one letter and this particular homework is worth 10% of my final grade..so yeah.
school is crazy..im taking six classes now, and i have four more scheduled in the summer, sometimes i get so tired of trying to graduate early.sigh
on a lighter note,,i did get into the honor's fraternity that i rushed for this semester and made a whole lot of friends in the process so it was cool.
i hope everyone in blogville is doing good. didnt have time to proofread so please ignore my mistakes..and i have 94 followers already..thank you guys for helping me build my blog back after i lost it.

fave fb quote: atheists piss me off...to say that you don't believe in God means that you have to acknowledge the fact that there is a God, not to believe in.

i actually heard that phrase in a poem on def jam and then saw it on someone's status the next day, go figure.

have a great weekend. you can tell i just put together this post in a few minutes...forgive me. i'll be back soon properly.

finally!!!a boyfriend!!! - golddigger alert!!

2010-04-05T21:19:00.000-07:00

seriously?
did you actually rush to my blog thinking leggy finally got a boyfriend?
did you think..'wow, so she really isnt gay?'
wow, im so disappointed.
anyway, my friend and i have been talking about boyfriends a lot.
berry is my sweet, dearest friend and im chilling at her place in maryland for spring break.we are both single so we are determined to find each other a boyfriend.
i decided to show you guys the list i made her,i mean seriously, i said i wanted everything on here from a-z.
now before i actually write it down, no azazel, you are not allowed to tell me that ill never find such a man, leave your pessimism once you enter this blog.lol.thanks.
okay, here goes:
- i want some one who has a car.i mean seriously, i need a car in my life.i need someone who will be driving me from point A-Z.let the gold digger taunts come on. im just tired of getting into my leggedes benz every morning.

- if your surname is a street in some faraway country, the merrier.if you stand to inherit a lot of stuff, the better. if you are from a country, far, far, far away from nigeria. wow...you just keep getting better.if you've got your face on some currency...i have no words!!!

- if you like throwing away money and spending a lot to prove to me that your father is some rich baron where you are from, uhmm..be my guest.just make sure the money gets thrown my way. if you boasts a lot and talk a lot..not a problem, ill get a lot of ear plugs and just stare at the currencies while you talk your mind off. don't worry, it will be very much worth it.

- if your aunty or your mum works for a shoe place that comes with a label and if they get samples and free stuff which they have no space for in their closet and then proceeds to send you free stuffs for your girlfriend.uhm, yeah, i want those shoes too!!!

- if you somehow in all your awesomeness are impotent. wow, i love you already. impotent and rich?where do i find such a guy?

when my friend finished reading this, she hissed and asked me to be serious for once..seriously?be serious? why is it when i say this people think im kidding?what if im actually really, really serious?
i mean what if i want some rich old irish guy who is about to die and who will leave me all his wealth?why must i be joking?
i started making that list and decided to write the grossest stuff on there and by the time i was finished i wondered where all that came from and seriously, i think there is some kind of golddigger gene embedded deep down within all of us.
so im begging you guys to unleash your imagination and tell me the most golddigger-ish thing that you have ever thought of or dreamt of?i would really really like to know.and i want to hear the most outrageous stuff..if its really really outrageous and makes me laugh, ill write a post on absolutely anything you want me to.

best fb status: she is bringing sexy back? honey you're the reason sexy left in the first place!

p.s:that k'nan is real drool material.i love him.how old is he?
im so glad maryland is sunny now, cos i really hate the cold, if God intended us to be cold then He would have given us furs.

the gods' of fate.

2010-03-26T09:21:00.000-07:00

'why did the gods see it fit to make me pregnant and give me false hope if the babies they see it fit to give me all come and die without seeing the end of the four market days', ekemma said. she sat upon a huge bed made out of bamboo sticks with her feet planted firmly on the ground, her back bent in the agony of near birth.

watching his first wife, odogwu hissed and shook his head sadly. he hated to see his wife in such a condition, everytime they laid together as husband and wife, he prayed so hard for the gods to spare her the agony of pregnancy.he had sworn to marry only one wife, but ekemma's children kept dying, one after the other,and even though noone had said it openly,he could hear the whispers and the voices spoken behind the ears...ogbanje.....ogbanje, the child that comes and goes..it was very uncommon for an ogbanje to be a boy, but this time he was sure..it was the same boy.the last pregnancy had been bad, the midwife has struggled to make sure that ekemma did not lose her life and she had warned against another pregnancy being fatal. he had summoned the dibia during the last pregnancy and as soon as the baby was born he had cut him, the dibia had claimed that the mark would keep him from going like his previous journies, that this time he was going to stay because the mark was a reminder that his secret was known.
he had lived beyond the first market week- none of the others had done that before him- and they had thrown a huge ceremony in his honor, only for the wails of the mother to be heard the next day from all points of the village.
the dibia had claimed that they had celebrated too soon.
some people looked at her with pity in their eyes, some with sympathy but others looked at her and wondered what she had done to anger her chi, some claimed she was paying for her previous sins or the sins of an ancestor.

odogwu snapped out of his thoughts as he tapped impatiently on the mud covered floor, he had sent his second wife, mgbeke, a long time ago to go look for the midwife.
mgbeke,he had married her out of fright that he wasn't going to have any sons to carry on his lineage and any daughters to marry off. he had been pushed into it by his parents and ekemma had begged him to get a second wife so that she too could hear the lasting cry of a baby in the compound. he was lucky to have found mgbeke, within the first few months of her arrival she had gotten pregnant and laughter had filled his soul once again. he could now go out among his peers and not be laughed at behind the palms, mgbeke was also a well behaved girl who respected ekemma and wouldnot trust anyone else with her babies if not ekemma but he felt sorry for her because she would have to live her married life knowing that he didnt love her, but he tried to be good to her.

mbeke rushed into the room with an unusually large woman following from behind with her wrapper undone,nneka.nneka had served as the village midwife for a very long time and before her, her mother and her mother's mother. nneka had complained the previous week about how unusually big ekemma's stomach was but had had the discussion brushed off by odogwu because of the consequences of such talks.
ejima, the dreaded children who were killed as soon as the sun hit their little faces, she had given birth to a lot of ejimas and had had them killed but a woman from the near village of umubele had recently given birth to three at a time...and she had been praying to her chi to spare ekemma such ordeal as the villagers had had her killed and had her kids thrown away for the tides to carry them as sacrifices to the gods for an alu such as that.

nneka quickly ushered odogwu out of the room as she prepared to usher in ekemma's child into the world.
odogwu walked up and down outside the room as the cries of agony from his wife tore at his heart. he kept thinking of how other women forgot the pains of childbirth as soon as the baby arrived but since he had doubts about this particular baby staying he wished ekemma had never gotten pregnant.after standing there for what seemed like the longest time to odogwu, he heard the cry of a child and another cry and another cry and another.
mgbeke rushed out of the room screaming and tears gushing down her face as she rushed to odogwu and held his wrapper and whispered...'they are four, one of them has that mark, the dibia's mark, the ogbanje returned,he returned to cause his mother more pain'.
odogwu rushed into the room to see his wife sobbing quietly as the midwife, nneka, stood their in shock as she repeated muttered..'alu, alu, alu'..with such madness in her eyes.

'i have to go alert the dibia and the villagers', said nneka after a couple of minutes of trying to get herself together.

' you can't do that',mgbeke screamed still crying, 'they are all going to want to kill her,im sure we can resolve this peacefully, i can take one child, noone would ever know, ill take one, they would wonder at the sudden appearance of a child but noone would ever dare ask'.

'shes already dying, she lost a lot of blood so it wont make a difference. i dont want to get my family involved with the wrath of the gods whenever it comes to visit you and your entire family, so i cant be a party to this by keeping quiet.besides, all of ekemma's past children died within four market days of their birth,why should i keep quiet when the children may die soon anyway', nneka screamed back at ekemma looking adamant.

'but you dont know if they are going to die.we have to give them a chance to survive.you can take one to my sister in umuogbu and one to my sister in umubele, noone would ever know if you dont tell. isn't my death good enough for the gods?i will give the marked one to the gods as a sacrifice, i will give it to gods for him to serve them all of his days. odogwu you would take him to the oracle at agulu and offer him to the ezemuo. im already dying odogwu m, they wont die,i will be their chi, they would not die and make me leave this earth with nothing that reminds you that i once lived', said ekemma softly

'to umuogbu and umubele? but we at war with both of them, i cant possibly let my sons grow up in a village where they would not know me as their father and they would grow up to hate me. plus you are giving one to the oracle?do you know what that means?he would become an osu, an outcast, he would never be able to get married to his peers or give have a lineage of his own.what kind of life is that?', odogwu asked as he bent gently and held his wife's hands.

'my sisters would accept them, they wouldnot know you as their father,yes.but isnt that better than the fate that awaits them?mgbeke takes one, they take the other two while the marked one goes to the oracle at agulu. i donot care what becomes of the marked one, he has caused me so much pain and sorrow and you still want me to show him any kindness?no, he shall be the sacrifice that will save this family from the wrath of the gods.dont you understand? four children at a time is an alu.
im dying odogwu, please promise that you would do as i say and please do not seek them out, watch them from afar but do not claim them.'ekemma said very softly as she touched her husband's cheeks and life slowly left her.

'if you promise upon your chi that you will sacrifice the marked one to the oracle as your wife has asked then i will live and die with this secret.but you have to promise, odogwu, you have to promise', nneka said adamantly.

'i promise'....

25 years later,
four boys,
an osu,
one from umuike,
one from, umubele,
one from umuogbu,
three villages at war.

a diabia- a native doctor, an osu- an outcast, ejima- twins, alu-abomination.
chi- a personal god.
the igbo believe that every person has a personal god that is assigned to monitor them from the day that they are born till the day they die and these chi is supposedly supposed to beg on your behalf to the Chukwu.
this is a very, very,very rough draft.i dont know anything about pregnancy so i neglected to put anything about all the 'push'-ish associated with pregnancy. y'all should tell me what you think. if y'all like it. if not.ill redraft it.
please, please, please tell me what you think.
i dont usually reply comments so you can be as brutal as you like without thinking that im going to get angry or anything and please endeavour to read it to the end.

never have i ever

2010-03-20T16:16:00.001-07:00

never have i ever called someone a bastard
never have i ever had sex
never have i ever failed an exam
never have i ever loved a boy
never have i ever had a boyfriend
never have i ever gotten drunk
never have i ever masturbated
never have i ever travelled to canada
never have i ever insulted a teacher
never have i ever liked a guy younger than me
never have i ever asked a guy out
never have i ever been suspended
never have i ever taken nude pictures of myself
never have i ever sexted either
never have i ever fainted
never have i ever tried smoking
never have i ever owed someone money
never have i ever cried over anyone
never have i ever cried infront of people who arent family
never have i ever thought of killing myself
never have i ever slept over at a guy's house before
never have i ever been depressed
never have i ever given a blowjob
never have i ever said kmt before
never have i ever shaved my legs(i have absolutely no hair on my body)
never have i ever repeated a class
never have i ever lied against someone

this is a very fun party game.
okay, these were the things i could think of that i had never done.
you guys have to tell me two things that you have never done.

school is ridiculously hard this semester, ive got a physics test on wednesday that ive been trying to study for.i have a party to attend this night so i hope i have fun and it takes some of the stress away.hopefully.
you guys enjoy your weekend. ill be back real soon. spring break will be here soon.
dont forget to tell me two things that you have never ever done.

fave fb status: people claim that they are friends with their ex...im never friends with someone who put anything inside me..their penis or their tongue.

perfect stranger

2010-03-16T19:13:00.000-07:00

keys tingle as glances and eyes meet
roses go into full bloom and the sun smiles from the skies
open hearts fill up with hope and dreams for the promise of tomorrow
subtle signs of teenage love make the heart grow younger
stars with full purpose go into overdrive

my perfect stranger....
i just havent met him yet.

im going to be back to put up a decent post pretty soon.im just sooo backed up with school work plus im supposed to be studying for an organic chemistry exam for tomorrow. just needed a break. bought a new set of journals, so im going to be writing a whole lot nowadays so check in regularly.
last weekend was really fun and i wanted to share it with you guys but had to study for my math test on monday and so lost track of time.im sorry for not posting regularly but as soon as my school work load lightens, ill be back fully.
the little writeup above was the first think i wrote in my journal when i bought it.
i dont know why.dont even know where that came from.

ill see you guys very soon.
bye.

fave fb. status: FUCK SCHOOL!!!
i chose that cos i thought that that was really articulate and thats just what i feel like telling school.

have a great week ahead.

who i am now....

2010-03-06T15:08:00.000-08:00

.............is exactly who i want to be.

when i look in the mirror, unlike some people i do not see perfection.
i think im too thin
i'd really really like an ass
..maybe bigger boobs.
i'd like to be a wonderful dancer,
and i'd like to have a great voice but im tone deaf:-(
i think my eyes are ridiculous,
i'd like not to be too competitive,
i'd love to learn to loosen up a little and have fun
i think i talk too much when im nervous
i cringe when people curse around me, save the f-bombs for emergencies will you?
i hate the fact that most days my happiness depends on my grades.
wish i didnt have a huge commitment phobia
i wish i could be more tolerant
less reserved
i wish i could be more friendly
..but i dont have the time to be
i wish i could like someone for more than 4months
i hate my belly, for a thin person it is big.
saving is a huge problem for me
i dont usually try to make a good first impression unless im interviewing for a spot...
so people who like me are those who decided to turn back and take a second look
im an acquired taste,
im scared of the dark,
my greatest fear is dying and marriage
sometimes i feel like a very heartless person when i hurt people that i could have avoided hurting,
i dont care what you think but i dont think fat is healthy.
i dont think im better than anybody but i know noone is better than me.
am i proud, arrogant or confident?sometimes i dont understand the difference.
i love my laps cos they are the fattest part of my body.
i'd rather eat, sleep and watch movies all day than study but the happiness i get when i see that A can never compare to anything.
i dont always love my dad cos i think he is psycho.
im very hard to understand and guys say im complicated.
people say im hard to figure out but what are you doing trying to figure me out?im right here if you have a question,ask it.
i dont like my lips so much cos sometimes i think they are big.

when i look in the mirror i do not see perfection people.
no, i do not.

i see a very beautiful girl staring back at me with problems and flaws.
if God wanted something perfect i doubt he would have made human beings, we are more entertaining this way.

i may not be the prettiest girl in that party, i may not have the biggest butt around, i may be a horrible dancer and tonedeaf.
but thats exactly what makes me leggy, the fact that i have flaws mixed with beauty, brains and greatness.

i would never change anything about my physical attributes, i may not like them but they are part of my identity.i dont think high self-esteem is claiming that you love everything about you but knowing and accepting the fact that you can never be perfect and loving yourself regardless.

when i look in the mirror i do not see perfection,
i see a pretty girl who loves herself,
flaws and all.

the girl i am now? is exactly who i want to be.

hey people.its been so so so long...im sorry but my classes have been crazy, ive had so many interviews to do and i still have a lot to do before the month runs out, i have tests all the time, quizzes...ill try and keep up with my blog though. i still do blog runs and all. i love reading your blogs and comments.

i saw alice in wonderland in 3-D and it was awesome.i'd def recommend it.

best facebook status: He was a great patriot, a humanitarian, a loyal friend; provided, of course, he really is dead.

best twitter update: #Dear Hi5. kindly stop sending me friend request notifications and reminders. I've moved on. So should you.
2.) when do you stop chasing a woman? when she finally gets tired of running.

i hope you guys have a great weekend.and a great week ahead. i cant wait for spring break to get here.eat well and sleep well.ciao.

no friends allowed here.

2010-02-26T10:29:00.000-08:00

i was talking to a couple of persons and the discussion veered to what kind of people we choose as friends.
and i thought i should share what my list of requirements are.
these are traits i cant stand in friends:

- i cant be friends with a bossy person- i cant stand bossy individuals, they are so stupidly opinionated and think they have a right to order your every move. when i see my friends put up with bossy friends i physically cringe.

- stupidly sensitive people: now, when my friends are broke i always call them poor people and vice versa..so i cant stand some very low esteemed person carrying stupid face for me cos i called the person poor.

- gossips: i dont want to be friends with someone who ill tell something and the next day i'd hear everyone talking about it and she'd say..'it just slipped out'. what kinda story is that one? thats why i must know you for a period of time before i can even call you my friend..some mistakes people make is calling me their friend when i only think of them as an acquaintance.

- malice keepers: now, i went to school in nigeria, i was very popular in high school so trust me when i say im very good at ignoring people and not talking to them for a very long period of time..i dont have a problem with it. but i think some people are very incredibly stupid and insistent on keeping malice just cos of a stupid argument or a very little problem. you are not my friend if i cannot argue with you and know that it wont affect our friendship. i feel like standing up and telling people 'LET IT GO WILL YOU?'. im very good at letting stuff go so i want people who i call friends to be like that too.

- one-boy-crazy: now, i dont have any problems with you being boy crazy, almost all my friends are boy crazy, i dont have any problems with you pining for a boy..it happens to the best of it, i dont have any problems with you getting heartborken esp. if the likeness was mutual but it just didnt work out but what i cant stand is when you know for sure that a guy doesnt like you again and you try so hard to impress hima nd side him in every damn thing..its like dude wake up and smell the coffee.
lol..my co-worker who i was discussing this list with was the one who mentioned this one and i was like..that is so true.

- liars: i'd rather you not tell me something than lie to me. say i dont want to tell you instead of lying to me. i cant stand people who lie. i just cant.

- low-self esteem: i cant stand being friends with someone i have to prop up all the time..i cant. i dont have the time to waste on you and your self- image issues. there was this girl i knew in highschool who was always crying about how guys dont like her cos shes not pretty...now, this girl is a very pretty girl oh but because guys never chyked her when she looked in the mirror she saw an ugly person looking back at her..i had to convince her through out high school and even convinced some boys in my ss3 to ask her out. this is a type of friendship i never in my life want to have again.

okay, im tired. i want you guys to tell me two things that you cannot tolerate and you cant be friend with people who have that trait.
please leave a comment i really want to know.

AFTER READING A COUPLE OF COMMENTS..I JUST WANT TO BE CLEAR THAT..THIS LIST HERE ARE THE QUALITIES THAT I CANNOT COMPROMISE ON...I DONT WANT SOMEONE WHO LIES TO ME, OR GOSSIPS WITH MY NAME OR CANT LET THINGS GO.ITS NOT LIKE I WANT MY FRIENDS TO BE PERFECT..I JUST DONT WANT THEM TO BE LIKE THE LIST ABOVE.AND WHEN I SAY I PICK MY FRIENDS I JUST MEAN THAT WHEN I COME ACROSS A CERTAIN GROUP OF PEOPLE AND I START RELATING WITH THEM AFTER A CERTAIN PERIOD OF TIME,I GET CLOSE TO SOME AND WE BECOME FRIENDS.JUST WANTED TO CLARIFY WHAT THIS POST IS ABOUT.

p.s: by the grace of God, im moving into a new apartment in the fall and im going to miss my roommate so much. we might not be the best of friends but we just get each other, very much.

fave fb status: the first man that started milking cows i think was a pervert...what the heck was he doing in the first place?

fave twitter update: The world continues to get smaller and smaller making me claustrophobic and the lines connecting us are starting to Strangle me.

i hope you have a very wonderful weekend. have fun, eat fruit, and sleep extremely well.

cupid missed

2010-02-19T17:45:00.000-08:00

roses are red
violets maybe blue
let me tell you a story
of them, him and i

i miss him...
when my phone vibrates and a text message not from him comes in...
i miss him.

i walked away...i had to.did i mention that i am an expert at moving on?

today,
i deleted the inboxes on facebook, msn and yahoo!
a step towards closure.
couldnt get myself to delete the phone messages;
a piece of us;me and him.
went through them earlier on
when he was him and i was me
when the story was about him and i
not them.

let me tell you a story about them.
they crept in slowly.
a question there, a smile there
feelings nipped here, feelings tucked there
resentment harbored sprang to light
privacy unlocked and public let out
boundaries crossed and hearts broken
they fed on my sadness;
on my confusion;
on my careless words
this is the story of them,him, and i

trust ruined and suspicion crept in
confusion on my face as i wonder at the stories
novels and volumes already written
about him and i
body now flinches as he comes close
memories edited and replaced
lips overflowing with words now close in silence
eyes brimming with happiness now shine with regret
heart adorned by roses now feel the thorns
tongues entwined are now being released
gravity once forgotten now pull us back to earth
nights filled with the promise of tomorrow now darken with the decisions of today

are you really going to let them win?
you are just going to walk away now?after this long?
famous last words;
spoken as hope crept slowly out of his voice
as the feelings drip slowly from his heart
as the happiness once found die slowly from our lives
so as i walk away from him at this crossroad,
grasping at the fading stories of our memories,
i smile as i think of that infectious laughter;
that rings out from that numbered guy..that i shared with blogville.

i was born sometime in september;
223 days from today,
but i wasnt born for him.

this is not a poem,
these are merely excerpts of thoughts,
this is my story of them, him and i.

roses finally showed their thorns,
violet's colours finally faded,
there lies love's grave,
of the numbered man i craved.

hey blogville, how have you guys been doing? ive just been soo busy lately and so bored and tired of studying.mschewww.
you can ask me anything you want annonymously here: formspring.
about the post...i hope you do get the gist of it.i laughed after writing this, shook it off, gave a kanye shrug, then #ontothenextone.
the power of words still puzzle me, when i hear rumors and i let it get to me and it ruins my friendship with someone i care about...it reminds me that im still very immature.:-(

fave fb status: "Every morning, I get up and look through the 'Forbes' list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work."

leggy's family valentine

2010-02-13T20:04:00.000-08:00

valentine in my home has always been a big thing.
summarised, valentine in my household is a day when us siblings are always nice to each other, my mum takes us out to a restaurant and quits using us as slaves and my dad pays us to keep loving him.
see? everything works out and everyone is happy.
so for this valentine..im going to make my family my valentine.

-my dad- maybe i would have prefered money to all the attention daddy paid me over the years. all of my classmates envied my relationship with my dad..i thought he was a stalker, they thought he was caring...i thought he was obsessed with me, they thought it was charming.my dad has always been there for me..to shout at me, to torment me, to tell me to eat, to threaten to put me into a fattening room, to make me a very confident girl. my dad made the girl i am today.
daddy always talks about humility...everytime i tell him my result at the end of each term, each semester, he always says 'please dont let it get to your head, be humble'. if ive ever met a humble man in my life its my dad, my dad would go to a cousin's wedding and help them serve regardless of having sponsored the wedding..my dad always says that money will get you there but you have to let your character take you the rest of the way. daddy is an awesome human being and yes, he has faults.ill be the first to admit it..daddy never shows up early for anything to the extent my mum always set his schedule 2 hours earlier just so that he can make his appointments, daddy sometimes could sulk like such a little boy, yes, he had his faults.
but daddy brought me into this world, he made sure he just wasnt the guy who donated the sperm, he earned the right for me to call him daddy and him to call me child.

-mummy: i never got along with my mum when i was younger, i was a correct daddy's girl. as i grew older, i got closer to my mum, we could talk about anything.mummy never beat us regardless of what we did. she would shout though..ewo!!the woman can shout to high heavens that sometimes you'd even want her to beat you sef.
she is strong, she endures a lot and she tries so hard to bring us up in the right way and in the fear of The Lord. mummy was my daddy's girl..he always called her that..i remember us going out back home and hearing daddy tell the waiter..'im here with my little boy and my girls'....sigh...daddy was born to be ours.
mummy is the nicest woman you'd ever meet, she'd put up with so many relatives and she is so quiet and reserved and if she isnt out buying something or at work she is always at home.she'd tell us..'ulo dim anaghi achu m oso(my husband's house isnt pursuing me)'.
mummy is the best mum in the world and i love her very much.

isnt that what valentine is for?to show and acknowledge the people you love?
8.5 used to tell me..'you love someone?say it out..let them know'...my parents know that i love them but i just feel like i dont say it often enough.
so for valentine's day this year..i say a quiet prayer for my parents..that God will make His light of countenance shine upon them..that the Lord will bless them and keep them..amen.
i love you mum and dad.happy valentine's day.

fave fb status: Everybody has been talking too much about Val. for me, i just want to take him on a date to that romance-filled restaurant...look him straight in the eyes...and say those three sweet wordz. PAY THE BILL...

p.s: nigerian wedding websites are so awesome. you guys should totally check them out..just google nigerian wedding websites.you'd love them.
can you believe that i didnt eat anything today but sweets?mscheww. and im not even hungry?amazing.
have a lovely weekend guys.

*regarding the picture..i got it from the website of this wonderful nigerian photographer fred egan, you should totally check him out, he is awesome.no infringement intended on my part*

this unique family of ours

2010-02-08T22:47:00.000-08:00

azazel: lol I question a lot of things. I am an avid question, therein lies my uniqueness

smilefreak: um...something that makes me unique...??? I've got socks with teapots on them :) Yes,I think that'll do quite well

neefemi: i'm 5"2 and still wear a size 10 1/2 is that unique enuff?

fabulola: what makes me unique???
Hmmmm
I stare in the mirror and laugh at my reflection?
Yes it makes me feel better and no im nt crazy.
Lol

rene: What make me unique? I'm extremely curious in a queer way

suru: something that makes me unique? I can't sleep well without socks on.

s[he] says: I can love and hate with equal ferocity, the same person

tisha: i can't hate. i don't have a problem still loving you even if its all gone sour. if you have lived this long (21) you will have found out that ur friends may sometimes betray and not everyone will be perfect, if you want to hate everyone who has done you wrong, it will be just crazy. i choose to love all the time, and move on and find love (not rebound) but true love again

cerebrally busy: i prefer the crust to any other thing on the pizza. i think that makes me unique, no??

mr. funnyhoneymoney: im quite a unique person im lefthanded and i write with my right hand, i wake in the midnight to drink water and listen to the radio amongst some other things.

~sirius~: hmmmm....i am unique because God told me I was carefully and wonderfully made.....hehehehehehe

geebee: Speaking of unique stuff, I’ve got one . . . I hate what most people love and I love what most people hate. I should feel weird but I feel natural.

beautiful: ok....i know alota people don't like writing exams but i loveeee writing exams, u know... the sleepless nights, just staring at ur bed wishing u could lie down, having to read wen u can be blogging or watchin a movie or even snoppin on fb...i don't know, i just love preparing for exams..and excelling at dem..lol. guess dat makes me weird abi? or maybe cos even in this my old age (i'm 20 and i'm working, graduated from uni last yr) pospy still rewards u HANSOMELY wen u pass exams.....

also, once i see a guy, the first thing i notice is not his shirt, belt or shoes or even his cute face, it's his LIPS....lol...maybe it's cos i love kissing sha o, i don't know. no matter how fine he is, if his lips are horrible or not juicy or pink enough or attractive enough, i just don't give him a chance to even say hello and if he does, i don't reply.....guess dat just makes me more weird

by beautiful.

BBB: my ability to love unconditionally, of giving everyone a chance to prove themselves before I judge

fragilelooks: Wot makes me unique.... MY EYES. UNLIKE MY EVERY ODA BODY PART,WHICH LUKS FRAIL, IT DEPICTS AN UNDERLYIN STRENGTH WITH ALL THE INNOCENCE OF A CHILD.. WITH IT'S BIG SIZE, IT GVES MY FACE A LIFT WIT AL SEXINESS AND HIGH POWER VISION. LOL. I LOVE MY EYES

annon: you know how girls always talk about how they dont like sucking dick?i love it. i think it tastes just like chocolate!!

and finally,

leggy: i give everyone a chance before i judge them, i try not to alienate people just because my friends dont like them..if they havent done anything to me personally i still try to be nice to them.

this was hard work..i got tired at a certain point as you will obviously notice.
click on any picture to see them clearly.
i hope you have a great week ahead.
yah saints won!!!!
WHO DAT!!!

my birthplace

2010-02-04T16:36:00.000-08:00

i was born in Nigeria, did i tell you that?
that part of Africa where the sun sets
the land of the dark-skinned, of the Negroids
rhythmic scenes of childhood flash by
the sounds of the laughter and cries fill my head
familiar voices waiting to come into consciousness
scary dreams deep in the hot, dark night
the evil night that filled many childhood stories
memories of the many tortoise fables under the full moon
being passed from one hand to another,
pretty names, they called i, the little light-skinned baby;
lying through their teeth
i was born into a family where a baby was never called ugly, you see.

grew up in Nigeria, yes, i did.
father's scent fill my nose as i remember.
his legs tapping on the ground
as he tries and fails in vain to master the intricate movement of dance
mother's laughter ring out in my head
mocking father with a twinkle in her eyes.
the aroma of the soup boiling over,
feet stomping on the stairs;running for food
mother shouting in the beautiful language of the igbo tribe
yes, i grew up in Nigeria.
sounds beautiful doesn't it?
a life painted with the reflective colours of words
when i go back to the numerous scenes of adolescence
i laugh, i cry, i edit my memories like a pack of gum, i didn't like all the flavors
angry words spoken, the numerous tears shed.
they never understood me - mother, father and the whole world.

i left Nigeria, did i mention that?
numerous nights ago
and just as if i was the pillar holding it all together;
everything fell apart
the world turned their backs on us
our leaders use us as the pawns in their games of turmoil
the beloved setting of my childhood,
curses rain down on the land by her children.
we leave in trodes and large numbers
my beloved birthplace,
her trees like an old woman;s breast wither and die
her kids killing each other because they don't worship together
blood means nothing anymore in my birthplace,
corruption dances in the village squares,
while money has become a known orator.
hope tries to hold tight in the people's heart,
love left a long time ago without a backward glance.
i am Nigerian, did you know that?

as night approaches with silence,
i lay on the bed and waste in tears
praying for the better tomorrow
praying for the safety of my memories
in my beloved birthplace.
im nigerian, did you know that?

fave fb. status: Just be there for the rebound and dry her tears with your cock"

ill do the unique bloggers post for my next post.
tell me what you think about the poem.
have a very good weekend.
geaux saints!!who dat!!!

corny post alert!!

2010-01-31T08:13:00.001-08:00

The saddest thing in the world, is loving someone who used to love you
-Anonymous

....and i seriously cannot do that to you.
time has come for me to let you go
love has come and passed us by.

in my dreams, you were so much better.
eyes as dark as the night,
laughter as strong as the wind
in my dreams,
our love was strong,
Shakespeare couldn't write a story to rival it
in my dreams,
you heart was so pure,
character so infallible
in my dreams,
we had so much sexual tension,
we discovered electricity
in my dreams,
we were cupid's best shot,
he had to retire after us
in my dreams,
you were created just for me and i for you
in my dreams,
my whole body for once was in sync,head, heart, body and soul
in my dreams,
you were my eternal love, my forever and ever
in my dreams,
i was the lightning and you were the thunder.
and we meet in the skies where dreams come through
in my dreams,
you were you and i was me
and it was that you i fell in love with in the first place
it was better in my dreams,
when life was sunny and the future, bright and certain
and then i met you,
and you said: 'pull my finger'
sigh
in my dreams, you were perfect
i should have left you there.

I'm giving up on love cause love is giving up on me.
- anonymous

anyway, i was going to write a post called 'unique little me' and then i realised that i dont really have that much that makes me unique(i thought i was the only one who slept in the nude but twitter suddenly shattered that dream for me...mscheww).
so i decided that maybe we could do a post called 'unique little blogville'..or something like that anyway.
so how it works is that you send me things that you think makes you unique and ill compile all of them and put them on my next blogpost.it doesnt matter if someone else does that thing or has that thing or says that thing as long as it makes you feel special then it is unique to you. and it doesnt have to be only things unique to you, you can tell me what you think about stuff, anything can be sent to me and ill compile them and use it for my next blogpost.
if you want to be anon with your unique stuff, then just let me know when you send the stuff that makes you unique...you can email me on leggylegs12@yahoo.com.
i hope all of you participate anyway.

best fb status:My attitude toward men who mess around is simple: If you find 'em, kill 'em.

dont forget to mail something in please.
have a great week.

just so you know

2010-01-26T19:28:00.000-08:00

to the babies that i am going to give birth to some time in the future by God's grace.
lets start with the holidays.
- christmas - no, there is no white man running around nigeria giving gifts on christmas day...no, i will not lie and tell you that there is one either.if you are lucky and im in such good mood and for a reason that im still trying to figure out i decide to buy you guys gifts for christmas..you will know quite alright that mummy spent her hard earned money to buy you those gifts.
if for any reason which i still havent figured out, i end up raising a family in this country..then it is your duty to go around bursting your classmates' bubbles and telling them the truth about santa claus.
no, he doesnt exist.no, you do not have a chimney so how exactly did santa claus come on christmas day...no your parents ate the cookies and glass of milk...and yes, go and thank your parents for the gifts and stop yelling about how santa claus got you just what you wanted.

- curfew: my curfew was 6pm in the evening and this post is being written cos hopefully, i get to raise my kids in nigeria. your butt should be home before six and you only get to go out on weekends and when i say weekends you should know that i only mean on saturday. no, i am not being strict..i just want you to learn how to sit your butt at home and not be jumping from one house to another like your own father's house is pursuing you.

-easter: easter is the time in which we celebrate the fact that Jesus died for our sins.no, we will not be doing any egg hunts.egg hunts?EGG HUNTS? you better not touch my eggs..you will jejely eat my fried rice and chicken, go to church and go to sleep. and no there is not easter bunny...you see rabbits all the time..do they look like they are designed to serve as an easter father christmas?didnt think so too.

- tooth fairy: you will not be finding money under your pillows, so yeah, do not litter my house with those milk teeth. no fairy is coming to our house cos first of all, all the windows as you know are going to be closed and im sitting here in front of my laptop trying to figure out how exactly that woman is going to come into my house. if for any reason she manages to get into the house..the house alarm is def going off and the police is so coming to get her ass!
im thinking that whoever started the story of a tooth fairy is possibly a huge pediphile...what the hell are you doing in a little kid's room in the night and then proceed to give them money for what exactly?

you are grounded!- what the heck are you getting grounded for? my dear you are getting some good old fashioned beating. i didnt kill my mother and you are so not going to kill me. i dont want you to end up being one of those disturbed individuals that show up on dr. phil to air their dirty linens in public. no sire.
i first give you the eye first= you ignore me
i shout at you= you mouth off at me
then you are so going to get your ass beaten. and ofcourse your dad is so going to hear about it!!

grades: this is one that we are so going to discuss when i see you in a couple of years...start preparing and reading now cos you are seriously going to be smart....you will need it.

- just finished my chE homework and decided to write a post cos im going to be really busy and i might not have the time to write a post any time soon.
- so these are some of the things im so not going to let my kids believe in or do...tell me one thing-you have to tell me just one thing, so choose well-that you cant let your kids ever do under your watch.

best fb status: a breakup is like a broken mirror, its better to leave it broken than to get hurt trying to fix it.
2.) After Monday(M) and Tuesday(T), even the week asks WTF?

have a great week ahead...i do wish you a fruitful week.
study hard and work hard oh...we need those grades to start making that money soon(he he he, sweetness).:-)dont diet.

i love chemistry

2010-01-25T05:55:00.000-08:00

i love the subject chemistry and i love chemistry too. when i was young my mum would tell my dad that a couple's chemistry was really strong...and my sisters would come home and complain about their chemistry teacher...and well at a young age i put two and two together and got six and figured that if you pass the class then a boy would love you very much...or you could make him love you...but i wondered why hot girls like my sisters didnt have boyfriends because they were passing the class...so i figured it was because they didnt like the class.

then i got into primary five and got my first mills and boons from my bestfriend at that time...and the emphasis on chemistry was also there...i didnt fully understand the novel cos i was just in primary five but i loved the way it made me feel...made me believe that i was going to find the man that i loved and we'd fall in love and get married and live happily ever after.oh boy! did romance novels ruin me or what?i read all types historical,modern..name it...got into secondary school and it became worse..became aware of guys..and thought i was going to find a guy that i'd date through out secondary school...till date i don't know what happened to my plan..i dont know what happened to the date as much as you can..lol.

what brought this up you might ask? i just spoke to a friend of mine,'mee'..and i asked her about her boyfriend 'zeze'..and

me: zeze kwanu?

mee:he is fine oh,hes in school..but we talk everyday.

me:oh,you guys are still together? how long now?

mee:2years,7 months and five days

me:lol.na wa oh,you know it down to the day?..good for you..im happy for people like you oh..if its me i'd feel trapped.

mee:me i feel trapped

me:then why are you still in the relationship?

mee:because i still love him and i cant leave him...noway.

me:its good your in love oh,lol,but this one your saying noway...did you people do life convenant?

mee:lol, no oh..even though i feel trapped,i still love him and i know he loves me too and zeze is a wonderful boy.

me:i concur.

you know what shut me up?the fact that she said he is a wonderful boy..not he is cute..which he is...i dont know how you will love someone and still feel trapped but ive never even been in a relationship so i never comment on anybody's relationship or give advice..i always keep my opinions to myself!

i always admired people back in secondary school who had the guts to go into relationships and i admired some relationships....

number one on my list was bear and OC.....OC was everybody's favourite boy..he was so funny,proverbial class clown,all the girls loved him and he was my very good friend..he used to tease me all the time and me like all other people never pictured him with a girl...well until he asked out bear..and she was the only girl he asked out in secondary school.noone believed it because well he was our clown...he was always laughing at people's relationships and joking about them and so we never even pictured him as someone who would ever like a girl.

well,they used to seat opposite each other in class..and they used to stare at each other all day long...my friend zin would tap me and say look at bear and OC and we would nudge bear and say 'earth to bear' or walk to OC's seat and snap our fingers in his face.lol...and since i was bear's friend..she'd call me in the night and i'd hear priviledged information..the songs he'd call her and play for her...i loved that relationship and thats number one on my list!!!

number two was sparxx and dee....dee was a proverbial playboy...he was cute so i don't blame him..girls loved him and he loved girls..his parents were very rich,he spent their money on girls and he went through them like he went through his sneakers (which he had a lot of)..sparxx was pretty...we were best friends and we looked alike....and then dee swoops in and sweeps her off her feet while he was dating her friend(we didnt know that at that time though)...i loved their relationship..he was exciting,he was very intelligent and he was fun..i loved the gist that came with him...so this ranks as my number two best.

number three was my friend leslie and her older boyfriend,uc...uc was a university undergraduate and they ve been dating and this year is the 3rd year..i love this relationship....they are totally honest with each other..the way they talka nd insult each other eeh,makes me laugh...they are first friends and thats what i love about this.and they are still going very strong!!!lol

sometimes i wonder why life is so unfair...i was the best in chemistry in my set,i won awards for that in school and in naija but still chemistry never liked me back!lmao!

p.s:this post is from my last blog..its one of my favourites.
-my friend signed me up for twitter on saturday without letting me know, when i found out i decided to use it anyway but i still dont know how to use it and my phone keeps buzzing with the twitter stuff making me wake up in the middle of the night cos i think its my alarm ringing. is there a way i can delete the account or stop the buzzes coming to my phone?
- i hate school, i seriously hate school...i go cos im good at it.

have a great week ahead.

walking contradiction

2010-01-22T09:52:00.000-08:00

sometimes i feel like im a huge walking contradiction.
my heart says yes but my head says no.
i think 'i want to do this', people think..'you really shouldnt do this'.
most of the time;
i want to cry outloud in public
i want to laugh and fall on the person next to me
i want to remind him that what we had was a long time ago and i dont like him like that again.
sometimes, i'd like to hit her head on the wall cos i simply think it will be satisfying
i want to say what i really think.
i'd like to hide under my sheets and never leave the house
i want to scream that 'im not jealous, im really happy for you'
you dont have to remind me that he has a bad reputation i liked him just the way he is.
i want to tell them to stop talking about 'us'
i want to tell them that what i do with my life is noone's business but mine.
i want to shout that ive done nothing but kiss him
but why bother?they wont believe me anyway.
i dont want to have to choose between him and the crowd
but i hate getting talked about so i'd probably not choose him
i'd like to be such a bitch to certain people but i smile and act nice.
i'd like to tell him to focus on his girlfriend and let me live my life
...but i cant do that cos everyone would interprete it as me being jealous.
i want to tell him that everything i used to have with him turned out to be such a mistake.
i want to speak igbo again and be proud of it
i want to be able to cry to my mum about the bad things in my life
i'd like to be able to curse and like it.
i'd like to pretend that im not a prude...cos im not.
i'd like to walk out of my house in the morning and be happy that i woke up
i'd like to be able to dance the way i feel like at a party.
i'd like to walk around and not feel eyes following my every step.
i think i have to bitch slap this fool..but i sit there and take it
i think i should set them straight...but why bother?
i think you are really making me angry..but i suck it up and smile.
i think i really need someone to talk to about this..but my friends are miles away..so i cry deep into my pillow.
i dont want to feel so heartless but sometimes i know i am
i think id really want to ask him about this but i dont..cos i cant stand confrontation.
i think i'd really like to say something about this..but i keep quiet cos i cant stand defending myself cos i feel it makes me look guilty.
and at night i cry myself to sleep cos i cant stand the absurdity of my life.
my lips lift into a smile when my heart is breaking
my soul tears apart while i burst into a laugh
my legs lift off from the ground one step at a time when all i want to do is lie in bed and hide.
my body is a walking contradiction.
my name is leggy.
my soul dwells in a body that wont listen to it.

hey folks, im sorry if this didnt make sense, im just in a very bad place right now...so all over blogville you must have heard that nice anon is leaving and i was supposed to write a happy post today but reading her post made me sad and i ended up writing this.
sometimes i feel like im being controlled by something i cant see or someone...its just weird.
so i was watching grey's anatomy yesterday and this argument came up with some of my friends...so basically would you choose someone you love(not a husband just a boyfriend you supposedly really love) over something you love or the other way round?
i said i would choose something i love over someone i love.
and i wanted to know what you guys think,
something you love(something like a career or talent, stuff like that) or someone you love(someone who is a boyfriend that you really really love)?

best fb status: "If we can send one man to the moon, why can't we send them all there?"

love moderately and love with your head.have a great weekend ahead.i have loads of work to do but still TGIF. carrots are supposedly good for the soul, try some.

unanswered prayers

2010-01-18T20:44:00.000-08:00

our Father who art in heaven
hallowed be Thy name
Thy kingdom come.....

she lay down on her bed crying ceaselessly, sobbing like her whole world just came crashing down.
she stared at the piles of bills unpaid....he had finally left her..after so many years of his cheating and her prayers..he had finally left her.
she had been a housewife at his insistent..
she could still hear him...'no wife of mine will ever work'...she had been flattered at first at the thought of him not wanting her stressed.but after so many weeks in to this sham of a marriage she now understood that he only wanted to control her...
wear that
wear this
dont talk
the leg kicking under the table
the cold looks promising beatings.

thy will be done
on earth as it is in heaven
give us this day our daily bread
and forgive us our trespasses

their courtship had been a whirlwind
10dates...2 months...marriage....what was she thinking?
she had prayed for a caring mind, God-fearing, hardworking, patient...she had asked....didnt she deserve to be given?
she had married him against her parent's wishes...eloped. she had been so glad that someone had fallen in love with her regardless of her parent's wealth....despite the fact that she stood to inherit a lot of money upon their deaths...an heiress.
marriage.
rachel smiled bitterly as she got out of bed and started dressing up.
marriage.
he had changed as soon as the marriage was formal...the chill in his eyes left her scared...the snappy attitude,the mood swings, the hot and cold attitude.
rachel hurriedly dressed up and started putting on make up...she was a Coker and for the very last time she was going to look like one.

as we forgive those who trespass against us
and lead us not into temptation
but deliver us from evil
for Thine is the kingdom...

she stared at her makeup for a while as tears dropped down onto the dressing table.
she had begged God and prayed for the perfect one.
she had trusted Him to guide her, to be there for her and to let her know the signs.
rachel had been happy with mike...their courtship albeit short had been wonderful...she had believed that he was the one God had sent to her...so despite her parent's protests and her relative's dismay she had married him cos she loved him and because she thought God was on her side.
as she felt her mascara getting ruined on account of her tears...i should have bought a water proof one..she thought..as she started to redo her face all over again. she was going to do this right..she wanted to look her best when she finally met Him, she thought while looking up...or him...while looking down....if any of them even existed.

the power and the glory

the months after her parents died was the best months of her life...he had been the perfect husband..comforting her in the times she'd wake up in the early hours of the morning to cry, cooking for her, he took over paying the bills...and the sex...ooohhh, the sex...
he had convinced her to open a joint account together to show the level of her trust...she should have known, she should have known that something was terribly wrong but she had sincerely thought that he had changed...she had finally decided that God had finally heard her and changed him for the better.
she should have known.
she looked at the mirror at her image. perfect.
rachel turned back at the bills sitting on her desk...wow...the bills had come piling in today, she had thought that mike had taken care of it...but no, he was simply hiding them and bidding his time...the electricity company was threatening to cut off the electricity, no heat, no gas...and she was pennyless.he had completely clean her out...joint bank account my ass she thought as she lifted the knife from the table.

forever and ever...

she had thought about this ever since the bank called...what exactly was she living for?no parents, no children...relatives who hated her husband and have now been justified...she was alone in the whole wide world...as she slowly slit her wrist she smiled painfully...she had heard it was the easiest way to die...

amen.

as the life slowly seeped out of her...a knock at the door...mike walks in holding flowers..he had changed his mind and decided to ask her to forgive him and make their marriage work.the last few months had been the best in his life and he couldnt believe he was going to just throw it away.
as he burst into the room calling her name...he looked at his wife lying on the floor, she looked up, gave him a very small smile....he scooped her up and ran towards the car as life slowly left her.....

i was talking to my friends about how i could never commit suicide..what if i did and something great happens?what if i decide to do it at the point when God finally answered my prayers?apart from all this..i dont even have the guts to commit suicide.
anyway, im starting school tomorrow so i just wanted to write a post just incase i dont get to write another one anytime soon..ill still be stalking you guys on my blogs so no worries.
tell me if you like the story..if you dont im so sorry..lol.
i was wondering is there anything that'd happen to you that will make you commit suicide? i asked my friends and they gave me really scary situations...so tell me if you liked the story or if you didnt and also tell me something that could happen that will make you consider suicide.

i did braids for school yesterday and im looking soo good...and get this: my friends did it for free.i keep telling my friends who pay for their hair that they should get with the program and start bringing nice people around them.lmao.i love rubbing things in.

best facebook status: If Facebook was a subject my parents would be soo proud.. :)

if school starts for you tomorrow, just like me..i wish you a very good semester.
dont stay up late...eat vitamins and sleep atleast 7hours a night.lo.:-))

you

2010-01-16T10:52:00.000-08:00

i dont hate you the way people hate evil
they pretend they hate it but indulge in it.
but i hate you the way people love evil
private, hidden, secluded in the folds of my heart.

i dont hate you the way real people love
with conditions, ultimatums, lies
i hate you the way romeo loved juliet
wholeheartedly, forever, eternally

i dont hate you the way prostitutes love sex
cos most of them are there cos they have to
i hate you the way serial killers like to kill
perverted, twisted, distorted.

i dont hate you the way siblings love each other
that love just isnt strong enough to qualify
i hate you the way a mother loves her child
strong, virile, vehement

i dont hate you the way people love to hate celine dion
playfully, prankishly, mischievously
i hate you the way white people hate oj
determined.

i dont hate you the way nigerians love educational titles
unnecessary, needless
i hate you the way racists love to hate colour
cold,heartless, unfeeling

my smile hides the feelings of great hatred.
my words cloud the emotions buried deep down.
i hate you cos you can never be half the man that he is
i hate you cos i simply love hating you.

- so i loved the comments i got on my last post...they were so hilarious.thanks guys, you are the best.

- the poem is really nothing that personal...ive just never felt the level of disgust that i feel for this boy before in my life.i couldnt even write much about it cos this is the first time ive ever tried to write a hate poem before.
so i'd like to know if you have ever hated someone so much that your heart just wants to burst...cos thats def the way i feel now.

fave fb status:It's been so long since I made love,
I can't even remember who gets tied up.

i hope you guys have a great weekend. eat vegetables.

im a terrible terrible person

2010-01-13T02:19:00.001-08:00

i wrote about my experiences in connecticut last summer when i spent a couple of days there after summer school(where i met yinkuslolo :-)), well, a catch phrase my nephew used to use a lot was..'im a terrible terrible person' esp. when he wanted to keep his daddy's reprimands really short..he'd admit the offence and tell his dad..'im so sorry, i know that im a terrible terrible person'.lol.
sometimes that phrase cracks me up but have you ever been a situation when you went like..'im a terrible. terrible person'.

i once took a $1 lip balm from walmart without paying for it and i really dont know why i did that...the worse part was that i had bought a lot of things from walmart that day and i paid for all of them and then took a lip balm without paying for it intentionally.
some part of me took that lip balm cos i was mad at walmart for making me pay that much and come to think of it...its not like they are going to suddenly go bankrupt cos someone took a $1 lip balm without paying.
this was a 'im a terrible, terrible person moment for me'.

there was a time in my jss3 when a friend told me that she liked a guy and she asked me to go and ask the guy if he liked her and i never even asked the guy i just texted her and told her that the boy doesnt like her and the girl never spoke to him again.
i spoke to the boy this morning and he was telling me that till today he doesnt know why the girl stopped talking to him and i thought..'im a terrible, terrible person'.
they could have been soulmates you know?

today someone called me 'skinny' and i called her 'fat'.
for some reason i felt very bad and embarrassed and i ended up apologising cos i just felt like a 'terrible, terrible person'.
why are fat people allowed to call us skinny anyway?we should be getting offended too.

in my primary 5, i poured ground charcoal inside water, mixed it and poured it on a guy's head, then beat him up.
no kidding, in primary 5, i was gangsta oh...i saw the boy in dallas and this boy is handsome and tall and hot and he kept telling people how i beat him up abd they kept looking at me like 'im a terrible, terrible person'. everytime i came next to them they looked scared..lol...skinny mini me?
it was worth enduring...we did exchange numbers after all.and i promise you, hes a hottie!!!!!!!!

i once told a guy in my secondary school that someone died in my family the day he asked me out and so i couldnt agree for him cos it was badluck...the boy went to offer condolences to my mum when she came to pick us from school and my mum set him straight..he never spoke to me again.

in my primary three, i promised to buy someone a walkman if she made me her bestfriend..lol.foolish much?
she waited for the walkman for a very long time oh...shes still waiting.

i told my lil sister that if she looks into the mirror at night she'd see a witch...in my defence, thats what a former househelp in my house told me...she doesnt do that till date.

i once promised a boy in my primary 2 that i'd marry him on the football field if he brought me a ring...he told his mum, who told my mum and i got beat up...so i went to school and 'mistakenly' hit his head on his desk.ode.

i once told my bestfriend in primary 4 that we had 10 cars and 16 houses with body guards cos she just wouldnt for once shut up about her mum's watch being gold....hey dont look at me like that....she was very off putting about it.

i have a friend whose boyfriend has been insinuating that they have sex, the guy is a douche bag by the way and for her birthday he got her stuff from victoria secret and asked her to wear it, take a picture of herself and send it to him.....serious much?
i dislike this guy, i wish my friend would stop dating him cos i think that he is 'a terrible, terrible person'.

i'd like to know something you feel guilty about that you did in secondary or primary school that you still feel guilty about. i'd really love to know, so pls leave a comment.

p.s:thanks you guys for following me...i had to rebuild my blog and i already have 54 followers.thanks.

fave facebook status of the day: People try to hide their pain. But they're wrong. Pain is something to carry, like a cellphone. You feel your strength in the experience of pain. It's all in how you carry it. That's what matters. Pain is a feeling. Your feelings are a part of you. Your own reality. If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you're letting society destroy your reality. You should stand up for your right to feel your pain.

i hope you have a lovely week and if you have already started school....chee yah, sorry. sleep at least 7 hours a day.

just memories.

2010-01-10T09:58:00.000-08:00

you know how you think about all those who asked you out in the past and laugh at how immature they were or how immature you were?
well, i was talking to the second boy who ever asked me out in my jss3 this morning and we were talking about how he asked me out and the events that took place and we were laughing.
and i was telling him about the other boys who have asked me out since i left nigeria,and trust me some of those stories are hilarious and he was telling me about his girlfriend and stuff.
after a while, the guy asked me if i remember a poem that he wrote me a couple of years ago..he sent it to my email...i vaguely remembered but the thing is when he told me about the email in my ss3..i marked it as read and never read it.so i read it this morning and here goes:

just memories
I breathe moments of desperation; they're breaking me down inside,
and all the scenarios where you promised forever, pull me in with the tide.
I had my hopes up on a cloud, and now they're crashing to the ground;
little by little, the melody in my life dies down; There's no sound.

[Shhh....]
Darling, I know.
There's no reason to lie anymore.

Tarnished memories; I can still picture both of your forbidden lips -
Crashing into a lie; meeting in a sin so great, as my heart suddenly rips.
You once whispered to me that you could never live without me,
Well, I'm standing in front of you, and your heart can still beat, I see.

I hope you're proud of yourself,
because I can't stand to look at you.
Now every moment we spent together,
becomes a dream that won't come true.

Slow, acoustic love songs and old love letters are a thing of the past,
They're simply a remembrance that what we held onto didn't last.
Lines and lines of poetry are being written, only to burn them into ash,
and more and more songs are being played, only for my memories to clash.

Stop. Just stop.
Because all of your lies are running together -
and they're holding me back in the memories of yesterday.

he sent me this: Saturday, February 23, 2008. 7:14am. in my ss3 to be exact.

i asked him whats up with calling me a liar?he said: i dont necessary lie...that my body language does...that i lead people on, give them the confidence to ask me out then i say..'no'. according to him, i enjoy letting boys down.

why am i talking about this?cos i was going to write a post about 8.5 before i had that talk with him and i thought of how many times in my old blog where i raved about someone and suddenly told you guys i didnt like him again?
well, my feelings for 8.5 is.....seriously fading...i still spend time with him and hang out with him...he cooked for me yesterday and we saw orphan together...but its just not the same anymore...i get irritated most of the time, i hang out with him cos i dont want to hurt his feelings.
in this 2010, im swearing off boys, many of my friends have been claiming i lead boys on and then go all prudish on them by refusing to be their girlfriend..when a lot of people complain about something...im beginning to 'know' that im the problem here...i'd rarely write about boys here in my blog...except those i absolutely have no interest in...my friends who have boyfriends...or my friends who are boyfriends.

p.s: if you are looking for an indian movie to watch...watch 'kuch kuch hota hai'..awesome.its on youtube. watched it in my jss3 and i found it yesterday.
have a great sunday...christians go to church, muslims enjoy the day, if you are undecided sleep.

fave fb status: "LOL" no longer means "laugh out loud" it means, I have nothing else to say.

this is how i love

2010-01-06T10:13:00.000-08:00

i'd rather you not call me everyday
please give me some space to miss you.
i'd rather you not text me every single night
i seriously need to sleep early this once.
i'd rather you not expose me or claim me infront of your friends
we are not even dating and i havent said yes to your request.
i'd rather you not try to make me jealous
cos i never get jealous.
i'd rather you not tell me you love me
i dont love you back.
i'd rather not have you talk about the future
im just eighteen.
i'd rather you not buy me gifts
i dont want to feel guilty about not getting you anything
i'd rather you not send me songs
songs make letting you go so hard.
i'd rather you not explain your actions to me
you are not my husband.
i'd rather you just say yes or no to my questions.
i tune out when i get long winded responses.
i'd rather you not ask me my g.p.a like you pay my fees.
i dont have any problems telling anyone that, just dont ask like i must tell you.
i'd rather you not make me feel guilty.
it makes me pull away from you even more.
i'd rather you not insult me to make your hurt less.
i love seeing you hurt, so your insults fall like rain
i'd rather you not call me a bitch.
i already know that i'm one.
i'd rather you not try to fill the silence with words.
i love the silence.
i'd rather you have a good reputation with people
but i seriously dont care about that
i'd rather you not put me on the spot
cos i dont want to be there
i'd rather you not ask me everyday if i like you
insecure guys dont rock my boat
i'd rather you just be yourself
cos thats prolly the 'you' i like
i'd rather you not question my motives
my private matters should remain mine
i'd rather you not think of having sex with me
cos im not having sex anytime soon
i'd rather you try not to be too heartbroken
cos 'us' is never going to happen.
i'd rather you get heartbroken
cos i dont want to be the one getting hurt.
i'd rather remain alone and watch the drama
cos i dont want to become an actress in this game called relationship
i'd rather not remember you in this year
cos i want this year to be all about me.
i'd rather you not cry after reading this
you're prolly thinking how full of myself i am to think that you are going to cry for me.
i'd rather you not hate me
but i understand if you do.
i'd rather you not blame love
cos this is simply the way i love.
my like never grows into love
my love always fades.
my love always dies.
i always kill it.

i love facebook statuses like so much..its real funny what people come up with, it kinda gives you an insight into people's lives.
favourite facebook status of the day:Seems like I always had crushes on chicks I couldn't have and then I ended up fucking with someone I shouldn't have.

i hope you guys are all having a wonderful day. dont diet.

a perfect year

2010-01-03T20:37:00.000-08:00

i dont make new year resolutions cos i love surprising myself...i expect this year to be just like other years. me, going to school, coming home, being in my room for the rest of the day and then sleeping..and the cycle continues.
but if i were to have a perfect year...
- i wouldnt have to cook cos somehow i'd always get food delivered to my house and i wouldnt have to wash up either cos whoever it is that delivers the food will clean up after me after i eat.
*i love cooking but i hate washing up especially in that my little kitchen.

- i'd learn the concept of saving..i really need to learn how to save cos i cant keep depending on my dad for every little thing.

- i would weed my facebook friend list...can you imagine that i posted a picture of amber rose as my profile picture and i said i loved her body and some guys said i was gay?seriously?

- i would not reply text messages that comes to my phone more than 30minutes after i send people one. i never even send people text messages, they'd bother me and then when i take time out of my not-so-busy schedule and reply, you'd reply like one hour later.mschewwww.

- i would learn how to make a list before i go get groceries from walmart, i always buy what i dont even need and i end up spending a lot of money on useless things.

- i would stop holding things inside..when someone pisses me off i'd let that person know that they pissed me off and i dont like it.

- i would stop smiling in my sleep, my friends here in dallas say that i smile in my sleep...i feel like a witch..lol...a good one though. sometimes i'd go to sleep so angry and i'd wake up smiling like something great happened during my sleep.

- i get scared easily...i need to stop it.when there is a reason to be scared i totally just ignore it and go about my business...but sometimes i'd just wake up from sleep feeling so scared or having a panic attack(ok, thats just jara).

- i want to start taking things at face value and stop over thinking things. i always see meaning in every simple thing someone does, it never occurs to me that it might not have any deep meaning that it just means what that person says it means.i always see a lot of gray areas.

- i need to get back to reading novels again, my library card is just going to waste..ill start using it as soon as i get back to school if i can find a regularly ride to the library.

- i would stop buying so much panties.. every time i buy something form victoria's secret(what exactly is her secret?) i always buy panties there and it drains my money. i just love shopping for under wears cos to tell you the truth..under wears determine when id do my laundry.

- i would stop making mental notes about people..whenever i see someone i'd make up a whole story about the person and the person's family and then everytime i see that person i'd burst out laughing..i'd get into trouble oneday.

but since we both know it will never be a perfect year, leggy can only wish.
happy new year everybody..wishing you a near to a perfect year as you can possibly get.

im tired...its almost 12 here and my hands are sore from texting all morning.
i had so many drafts to publish but i thought i should write something on the new year before jumping in to some serious blogging.
happy 2010 everybody..enjoy these early days where you are feeling like everything is going to go well this year because this is as good as it gets.lol.just kidding. i too, im hoping the year will turn out to be the best so far.

roundups

2009-12-30T17:54:00.002-08:00

so 2009 is almost over...i thought about doing the meme going around on blogville but 2009 wasnt my best year and i really dont want to make it feel any special by doing a whole post on it.lol.
so im just going to write totally random thoughts or stuff about this year.
- i got my very first kiss and my second kiss this year and my second kiss wasnt with the same guy.

- this year i almost got into a relationship and im so freaking glad that i didnt....and i almost got into another one yesterday and im not sure im going to.relationships are probably something i'd like to leave till after college but we'll see.

- i learnt to accept the fact that not everyone is going to like you...focus on the ones that do and stop wasting your time on the ones that dont.

- ive learnt that my opinions are just that...my opinions and i should accept the fact that most people are not going to like them but no matter what people think they are still my opinions.

- im really glad i opened a blog this year cos it has made me a much better writer and i hope the next year brings a lot more to the table. i was going through my old posts from the blog that got deleted and i realised that my most comments on a post that wasnt controversial was always whenever i wrote about 8.5.that made me smile.

- ive realised that not everyone is going to like what i write on my blog, im just going to have to focus on those that do.

- im a music freak.i listen to rock when i'm sad, i listen to christian music when im in a spiritual mood, i listen to love songs when im extremely happy otherwise i cant stand them.

- i realised this year that i dont know how to save money..i spend on useless things...i got a megavideo subscription cos i hated waiting that 54 minutes.:-(

- i absolutely love money and by God's grace im going to make lots of it.

- although this year was called the year of gaga..i seriously didnt get into her. i loved pink this year.i think this year was my year of pink, the earlier months though i loved beyonce.

- i dont understand a group of friends that gang up on one person simply because someone in that group and the person had a fall out. im the kind of person who..if you dont do anything to me then i sure as hell isnt going to hate on you simply because one of my friends has a problem with you. i cant stand people who cant think for themselves.

-my school work is always my first priority and thats just the way i want it.

- i moved into a new country in 2009 and i survived one year in it. im also absolutely glad i took summer school this year, im so getting out of college early.

- i absolutely love dallas and everyone in it. no, despite the numerous text messages ive been getting cos of my christmas fling post, i am not having a fling.

- this past semester i made a lot of friends who arent nigerian and at some point this semester, i was super glad i did.

- this past semester, i differentiated my friends from the people 'i just talk to'. and i wasnt surprised to learn that a lot of people i rolled with were just 'people i talk to'.

- this year i left facebook a whole bunch of times and came back everytime.
a friend of mine put on this status on facebook recently, i guess he was talking to his girlfriend or something, he said..'just because i flirt doesnt mean that i'm interested' and i absolutely loved it and im going to start using that.
my fave status that i put up this year was..'when a guy sweeps you off your feet, he is in the perfect position to drop you on your ass'...that status still makes me crack up.

- i learnt that a lot of people that i know read my blog and for the most parts i dont really care. people are always going to see similarities with people i talk about here and themselves and again, i seriously dont care. some people i know are going to read my blog and say..'what a nice read!' and some are going to read it and go 'what a bitch!'. either way, i seriously dont care.

thank you for everyone who has ever read my blog, commented on it..i love your comments..i think thats the absolutely best part of having a blog, having people you dont know from adam give you feedback on what you write, i thank everyone who followed my old blog and is following the new one now. thanks guys and i absolutely hope you have a nice new year.
sleep well, dont diet, eat fruit, drink water and hopefully we wont die in 2012.lol.

p.s:someone asked me about 8.5 in my last post. 8.5 is still around. next year, ill write a post about all that has happened while i was trying to put my blog back together.its so funny how im saying next year, when its just like two days away.

christmas fling

2009-12-27T12:23:00.000-08:00

- we cannot be on first name basis. you can call me any other thing you feel like but just not my name, that breeds some kinda insane familiarity that i really dont want to have with you.

- we go out when and if i want to. you make the calls ofcourse but i get to say 'yes' or 'no'.

- you only talk to me if i acknowledge you, if i go out and see you and decide to pretend like ive never seen you in my life before then you better go along with it.

- i dont care if you have a girlfriend...dont just tell me you have one even if you do.

- dont get emotional with me..cos seriously, this is just plain fun for me and i dont want any attachments after this.

- dont ever call me..you can only text me to tell me where and when to meet you and thats it. this is no relationship..its a fling.

- this is called a fling..so when i feel like ive been flung hard enough...then you can scooch.

- no stolen kisses...thats just for lovers.

- no christmas gifts, boxing day gifts...im not spending a dime on you and i'd really appreciate it if you didnt make me feel guilty by spending some on me.

- restaurants are not really a place to have a fling..i mean...that encourages conversation and that breeds familiartiy...a club..now thats a good place i can get 'flung' at.

- i don't want to meet your friends and you are definitely never going to meet mine.

- dont ask me to go to church with you..i already feel guilty already, im not going to the house of God and flaunting it there.

- if you think taking me to church and talking sweetly about your mum will make me think of what a sweet boy you are, forget it..ive met sweeter people.

- this rendezvous will be that part of my life i'd look back on and think..'ooh,that ended well'.

- when i leave...it ends on that day. i dont want to see your number on my phone..no calls..no messages...no nothing.

- if i meet you somewhere else..we behave like new acquaintances.

now, if you can just take the pen and sign the damn contract then we can be on our way to a very memorable christmas fling.

p.s: if there is any breach whatsoever in our contract...i get to humiliate you..you really dont want to be subjected to my kind of humiliation.

no, im not getting flung..just wondering what it will be like to give myself a little gift for being so good this year, since father christmas doesnt seem to be doing his job properly.lol.kidding oh!!!

merry christmas folks.

on a whole other matter, nigerians need to get off cnn and change the channel and stop acting all guilty..im tired of talking to friends and they start telling me about the nigerian bomber...bitch, i have something better to discuss with you. the guy's father warned the US embassy and they ignored him...they ignored a whole former ist bank chairman.seriously?
now that this shit has happened..they now have a whole bunch of crap to say and nigerians are buying into it..seriously.nigerians need to learn to stop caring about things like this...the boy didnt even go to school in nigeria..he wasnt even living there, the bastard sneaked into nigeria just to use his passport... and nigerians are acting all guilty. abeg, noone else should call my phone asking if ive heard about the bomber...im seriously going to curse the next fool that'd do that.

excerpts

2009-12-22T19:05:00.000-08:00

12/25/1990:
daddy just gave me a diary for christmas.watched a movie where the girl kept writing in her diary for soooo long and i decided to try writing in mine.i love my diary, he gave me a pink and white one just like in the movie i watched.i love my daddy so very much.happy christmas dear diary.

1/17/1991:
i just turned 11.im sorry i havent been writing in you.i never knew writing in a diary would be so hard. nothing ever happens anyway and i didnt have anything interesting to write.happy birthday to me.

05/27/1991:
i passed my federal common entrance exam. my parents are so happy, i made 530.im so proud of myself. im really glad i passed because i never even read. im hoping i pass all my private school entrance exams coming up, i really dont want to go to a boarding school.im going to miss my parents.

05/30/1991:
being an only child is so hard..they give me too much attention.and it doesnt help that im a girl.when they look at me, i think they wish i came out a boy.

08/19/1991:
the holidays are almost over, im about to start secondary school.im so excited. my mum is a doctor but my dad is an engineer. i dont know what i want to be in the future.they frown when i say a teacher.

09/30/1992:
im in jss2 now, i think i want to be an engineer, i know they wish i were a boy and my friend said that boys follow in their daddy's footsteps.im going to be an engineer.

11/11/1994:
i think kalu likes me a lot, he keeps staring at me in class and people are noticing.
i like him too even though i can never admit it to my friends, he is very cute and smart. until he gets serious i dont need anything distracting my studies. im smart and i love being smart.

01/15/1996:
daddy wants me to go abroad and study engineering. he thinks it will be better.me, i just want to leave this smothering place.my mum cries a lot when we talk about me going abroad. i see the pride in my dad's eyes when we talk about it though....i dont think he misses having a boy anymore.

09/17/1999:
im a junior in college and i have a cummulative g.p.a of 3.85 but i hate my course.i cant stand it, im only doing this because of the pride i hear in my dad's voice when i talk to him , because of how he brags to friends and colleagues about me. i hate engineering.

03/07/2005:
nigeria is plain frustrating, the roads, the horns, i just feel like shouting for the people to just stop and give me silence for a little while.but i still love it here.i love the people, i love how the conductor insults you even while you are seated in your own car without even thinking for one second how rich you are, i love how the people have this hope that never dies, this 'e go better' attitude that just make them plain beautiful. i love home.

04/25/2005:
its so frustrating when people imply that i only got this job because i am my father's daughter...which is part of the reason i got this job in the first place but i am also very qualified to do this job. ive been working here for so long, i didnt think they still had a problem with a woman running this game.nigerian men!!
i seriously need to bath, im smelling of hot sweat.

09/19/2006:
when i started writing these diaries, i thought i'd be talking about my husband and my kids by this time in my life...im 26. but no, no man, no kid.no nothing.im so lonely.the silence in this huge house scares me.

09/29/2006:
they never tell you that oneday the rose coloured rims that God gives you after making you is going to get knocked out after sometime. i had so much dreams for myself...boyfriend by 22, married by 24, pop out all the kids before 30.
when i look at kids on the street, i secretly smile and i feel like going up to them and yelling..'stop dreaming!!its a waste of time'.

12/25/2008:
flings.no boyfriends.
merry christmas dear diary.

12/27/2008:
dont these village people get tired of asking me when ill tie the knot..i feel like tying that stupid proverbial knot around their stupid necks. i feel very angry right now.

12/31/2008:
im not looking forward to the new year.i never thought i;d ever say that.
new year=another birthday.
daddy doesnt care that im single.
but its killing mum.

1/17/2009:
29?
29?
29?
29+1 = 30?
i feel sad.

04/05/2009:
lifes good.im happy.
this world feels like a dance ritual to me and i cant keep dancing to that bit.
they pop you out, educate you, you find work, find husband, make kids and the dance starts again.

09/30/2009:
i feel happy.

10/11/2009:
i feel content.

12/12/2009:
im going to make the best of next year.im not look forward to the big 30. but im alive arent i?

excerpts from her diary.

p.s:this is a fictional work. it has nothing to do with anyone i know or me.

this has been in my archives for sooo long, i thought i might as well publish it.

p.s:people need to stop tagging me in pictures on facebook, if im not on there dont tag me, i hate getting multiple notifications for useless things.

voices in my head

2009-12-21T09:48:00.001-08:00

ive been doing a lot of thinking lately.things to do, things not to do in the upcoming year and you know what i just decided this morning...i dont care anymore, im just going to let 2010 take its course and just go with the flow.

if you havent seen avatar yet, im not talking to you again.lol.
that movie is the ish, be sure to see it in 3-D.
james cameron is the ish men.
cant believe he made this movie in more than 3years!!3 years?!
thats dedication right thurr mehn.
i loved it and i hope he gets another oscar for this movie.
and i want him to say.'im the king of the world' in his oscar acceptance speech again.
cos mehn, he really is!!at least in the world of sci-fi.

ive been waiting for my dad to send me my christmas shopping present.
i need to shop my ass off.
i love dallas mehn.
i feel like just staying here and not going back to my school.
ha ha ha.if wishes were horses...

so i deleted a lot of numbers from my phone recently
just a bunch of people i dont want to enter 2010 with.
baggage i definitely im done carrying.

i thought about home a lot this weekend.
i miss it a lot.
i just want to go home and eat rice and chicken on christmas day.
sigh!!
my elder sister just graduated from college
im so proud of her.

i hate it when people ask me if i dont want to get married.
marriage is something that will happen if it will happen
its not an institution that is an attractive venture for me.
well, unless someone pays me to marry them...that'd be super cool.
im 18, marriage is a thought that barely crosses my mind.
ill cross that bridge when im done living my life and feel like i need an extra hobby.

i hate it when people put 'lol' after insulting you.
and when you call them out on it they act like your the one who doesnt get the joke.
douche bags.
and why will you say something that you definitely know will offend me
and then you think saying 'no offence' will justify what you just said.
ha!!i pity the next fool that will say that to me.
lol..empty threats, i really need to stop that in 2010.
ill soon get into trouble for telling people ill beat them up
when they are like 100pounds heavier than i am.

im done with the obnoxious people in my life.
those people who insult you behind you and pretend to be cool infront of you.
cant stand them anymore.
there is a difference between being confident and arrogant.
people seriously need to start getting over themselves.

i retreat.
thats what i always do when i get fed up of the self-importance of people around me.
i retreat and stay alone.
i dont get fed up of being with me.
i love my own company a lot more than i love any other person's.

i miss a friend of mine that went to nigeria.
i miss her insults even though i tell her its plain disrespectful the way she talks to people.
shes smart too and isnt obnoxious about it.
im going to miss her sister too when she graduates.

a friend of mine is spending mad money on her bf.
a bf who has never given her a dime.
who treats her like thrash.
shes about to buy him these pair of jordans that arent even out yet.
i mind my own business.
she says shes in love.
okay, good for her.
im not even tripping.
im just kinda jealous...of the boyfriend.
i wish there was a guy out there i could treat like thrash and he'd still spend mad cash on me.sigh.

dont forget to read the interactive story coming up on the myne whitman blog.
the next contribution is by me.
hope you guys love it.
have a beautiful christmas and an ass kicking new year.
thanks for the comments, the followers and everything.

p.s:i met leslie's boyfriend's friend on saturday night, thats tori for a whole new day.

murder thoughts

2009-12-17T01:51:00.000-08:00

my friends think im picky...with guys.
i dont think im picky.i just think i cant wrap my head round the relationship stuff.
my friends should really limit their boyfriend stories to the honey moon stage, all the other stuff horror stories should never be told to a single friend.
so, yeah.back to picky.
most of my friends dont think i want to be single, they think im just picky. and everytime i start talking to a guy they start getting excited. and within a couple of months when the boy asks me out and i say no, i avoid their calls because THEY are the ones who get broken hearted, THEY are the one who i have to talk through the process of letting the guy go..sigh.
my friend leslie asked me yesterday:' leggy, arent you scared that one day all these boys who have been asking you out will stop coming and then you'd be alone with your cats?'
and i said...'but do i live in a mansion?'.
im not taking the fact that men dont hold my interest for that long lightly...leslie said i need a psychiatrist, berry says..well, berry doesnt say anything at all, yeah i think berry just has more things to worry about than my love life.

leslie has the low down on me.according to her..
'leggy, i think you just like the attention these guys give you, you dont actually like them. if you go out more often and get your nose out of your books once in a while you'd probably have more fun.'
now i could tone out leslie, but it doesnt help that im in dallas with her, sharing a bed with her, so whenever she gets this 'great idea' on how to 'cure' me, she turns around..WAKES ME UP and gives me the low down of the 'great idea' she just got.

now, i love my friend leslie but sometimes i feel like hitting her in the head with something huge. i used to hear that when your friends get hooked up they want everyone around them as happy as they are but leslie has an obsession.

her greatest fear is not getting married...my greatest fear is being poor.
give me money any day baby.leslie says im a money whore..i wont even lie i loveeeeeeeeeeeeeeee money, i cant imagine what it feels like to grow up poor and i seriously dont want to know.
thats why i study hard sweetie, so that when i grow up(ha ha ha), there will be no passengers on my plane hun.

this is a very scattered post, id prolly come back and do a new one..but its 4:19am and leslie just finished reading my textmessages and yabbing about how i never reply text messages that that is why i will remain single all my life.
she said ill make a horrible girlfriend(a fact im def not denying)...she said ill soon get ugly and no man would want me(ooh, baby i know), she said that when i get older my long legs will disappear, im going to get fat and my fresh face will be filled with pimples...sigh.
she is driving me crazy....she is tryng to convince me to meet her boyfriend's friend here in dallas...who i know ill not like.granted...i havent met him and i dont know what he is like or what he looks like but i have this gut feeling that im not going to like him....i dont like her bf, why will i like his friend?
**i just said i dont like her bf cos my friend is psycho.i dont even know the boy.

this post is so scattered cos i dont think you write coherently when you are having murder thoughts.

3 kinds of people

2009-12-11T02:26:00.000-08:00

as i walked along the road in the quiet beautiful night
the darkness seemed very soothing and the stars sure came out to play.
i heard a high note scream pierce the night
and as the wind didnt change course, the night remained beautiful
so i thought...Oooh, that must be a familiar sound to them.
so i continued walking far far down the streets of Congo.
a war was going on and you could taste the suffering in the air
the scream pierced the night again
this time followed by footsteps.
a lover's play?
i stopped and slowly turned around as he pushed her.
i freeze for a moment.
a father-daughter play?
as she struggled to get up from beneath him
he slapped her and proceeded to remove his belt
a father punishing his child?
i tried so hard to justify it
but he was taking off his clothes
ive never heard of a dad removing his shirt to punish a daughter
oh well, maybe its a culture here.
a sign of seriousness.??
but she screamed again.
he tore at her clothes and she screamed even louder
and i just stood there
transfixed on this ugly scene.
her screams made him even happier
he had this absurd look of esctacy on his face
and as he plunged his penis into the little girl who couldnt be more than 9
metaphors feel my head
the penis seared her like a sword
killing her integrity
her chance at self esteem
and i stood there and did nothing.
the girl's screams rose again filling the night.
and with every thrust,
with every thrust,
he ruined a little girl's life
with every thrust he became less human
with every thrust...
and as the girl slowly slipped into oblivion.
i looked around me wondering if noone had seen that and thought to stop it
and behold there was a crowd.
and as the man arose, dressed up and kicked the girl's lifeless body.
we all turn and walked away
as if we had just been in the theater
as if we were all saying
the show is over
and as i walked away with that girl's picture in my head
i thought...'one more person noone was willing to save'
and then i thought
noone?
you were right there
you could have done something
and as the drunken state cleared from my eye
i thought of the words of the great writer, speaker and nigerian chris abani:
'my name is leggy and i've been human and sober for a day'.

i read Azazel's blog..i want to link it but im just too lazy right now, he talked about the rapings in congo and i wondered why i had never even heard the news. but i thought to myself...'you never even watch the news'.so basically i read blogs for current events cos T.V is really not my fort. so thank you for educating me azazel.
when i read the stories, i told my friends...'mehn i would take corruption any day oh'.

i was watching a nigerian movie..'cindy's note' after reading that and there was a quote in the movie that i loved.
'there are 3 kinds of people, the first group sees something wrong and does and says nothing about it, the second group sees something wrong talks about it and does nothing about it, the third group sees something wrong talks about it and does something about it'.
so i talked about it and here is my doing something about it:

i found a charity that helps the congolese.

so thats a charity that works in the Congo area, you can donate 50dollars to them and save a little girl's life and even if you cant afford it, you can split it with friends or something.
p.s: you are not obligated to.
p.p.s: i finished my exams yesterday, cant wait to get to Dallas.
p.p.p.s: was talking to a friend and she told me that rapists usually get their satisfaction through their victim's screams so i also incorporated that into this story so i guess i have her to thank for that.
hope you guys are having a great finals week.
off to do blog runs.

guilty

2009-12-10T16:29:00.000-08:00

RIP to the people who died in the sosoliso aircrash.
i feel so guilty that i didnt remember.
i feel so guilty that the pain is nolonger there.
i remember when their dad called my dad to let him know that there was a plane crash.
that day i cried like i would never recover.
but now i barely even remember them.
and is it selfish of me to be grateful that no matter how close we were to the okafors my parents never let us go to loyola?
thats all i could think about when i remembered.
and i feel so guilty for that.
RIP chidinma, zikora, the mbas, chidera and many other people that i cant think of.
i sure hope that you are in a better place.
i sure do.

a letter to the future

2009-12-06T08:16:00.001-08:00

dear leggy-in-the-future,

im writing this with the hope that the world really didnt end in 2012 and that that day came and went without any hitches, so if this letter gets to you in good health in the year 2013 then i thank God for that.
so 21 huh? i hope you grew into a lovely young woman with a good head on your shoulders, hope you found a good job and maybe a boyfriend?no? did you suddenly discover that you are gay?gosh!i hope not, cos the time i spent ogling the boys in my maths class hopefully didnt go in vain.
or maybe boys are no longer needed, maybe robots are now the thing in vogue, ads on ebay and bids going on at the malls for them? 2 for $4.99? that cheap? or can only the rich afford it?be careful oh, there was a movie in my time that was acted about those things, they are planning to take over the world so be careful.

so i bet you are wondering why you have no assets, no breasts, no ass.sigh.
i wondered the same thing too and i always prayed that i was going to sleep and wake up oneday and discover that i suddenly grew one but since that obviously didnt happen in 2013 either, i guess you can just forget about it too.sigh.unless ofcourse they have one of those 'grow it yourself' chemicals there, i mean they dont have any now and there are so many side effects to today's drugs that you cant really trust anything.

how are all those stds? yeah, they were a real monster in my day, i bet aids is now like some sort of cough to you people and when you'd get it you'd just write a status on facebook saying that you've got AIDS and everyone will say sorry and you'd go to the pharmacy down the road and buy a drug without any prescription and the next day you are negative again...sigh.that'd be so cool, and do you guys still have facebook or has something cooler taken over...i knew it was bound to happen.sigh.

and please dont date any guy whose name starts with the first five letters, i think they are nothing but trouble but that doesnt mean that if a handsome rich man knocks on your door with those letters you shouldnt open up , i mean ive thought you better, you should be able to know all the exceptions to my rule.

are you married? i'd be suprised if you are cos marriage isnt something i am interested in indulging in, so if you are you changed your mind?huh?hmm...i hope this dude is really worth it cos all these cheating ass men in my days just make me wanna puke.
ohhh, so there is now a law against cheating huh?ahhhh, 45 years in jail eh?wow, that'd be so cool if that is really true in your day.

any kids? thats really the only advantage i see in that institution called marriage?
how is mummy and daddy in your day? daddy still loud and crazy? age didnt mellow that old man out?seriously?wow, i wonder how he keeps up with all his thoughts. he is still acting like the perfect husband and father huh? you guys havent caught him cheating yet eh? maybe ill like him a little, i mean if you do catch him cheating, i really recommend blackmail cos mummy and me and all my sisters in this day think he is one in a million, so if you do catch him cheating get some money from him.

gone to france yet?no?wow, you are still a loser?what a surprise!!NOT!!still hiding under mummy's pants?
i sure hope you are atleast rich cos if you are not i'd better start praying for the world to end oh, cos ive always prided on the fact that im going to live the good life!

hooked up with love yet?damn word still used as a generic there? have they added any more body parts to that word yet?
i mean in my day, it had eyes cos according to them it is blind, it had wings cos according to them it could fly away at any time, it even has legs sef cos sometimes it doesnt have the time to fly the thing just kuku run away.it even has a heart cos according to them love feels. so have they discovered that it has a head yet?maybe a penis?you know i wont be surprised if love is male, ive always had this feeling about it.

i really have so much to say but im afraid ive gotta go study for my finals..i mean if i dont read those books you wont get to make any money. ill catch up with you later, ofcourse thats if the earth doesnt end in 2012.

p.s: i was so bored at work today so i wrote this.crappy i know!!sigh,what more can i say?

p.p.s: goodluck on your finals, mine end on thursday and then its off to dallas!!!

i loved him

2009-11-30T22:12:00.000-08:00

for some reason ive been in a very good mood all day.
so i watched gossip girl today, i love that show, i especially love chuck and blair they are my favourite characters on that show and i even have their picture as my desktop background.
watching this episode of gossip girl reminded me of my friend 10.
10 is the best guy friend ive ever known. he is the one person im missing at home, he is that one person in your life that you know you could never forget.
10 used to be there for me at all times, at all points in my life, whether i was right or wrong, i used to cry to him, i used to laugh with him. i totally loved him. i wasnt in love with him, i just loved him.
he is one of those friends you never forget, and his smile just made you want to smile with him, his smile caused the sun to peek out of the sun cos trust me his smile will steal the sun's job hands down without even applying for it. he is tall, taller than i am and he used to place his hands on my head and tell me how short i am...and im pretty tall.

he lived quite close to my house and we used to chat all night, he was in my class and everytime he'd load credit, he'd send me half of it(you guys know you can share loaded credit in nigeria right?). we used to text all night, i could never go to sleep without a text from 10, we would talk sometimes till the next day. we'd also talk on phone, he'd come to my house. we were really really close.
i could tell 10 everything.i remember when i was sick in nigeria and i missed school for so many days, i was so mad that he didnt come to see me, i was in such a bad mood that when he finally came two days later, i asked him what he would have done if i had died before he came to see me...and he said...' i could hear your heart beat all the way from my house, if you died, dont you think i would feel it?'.
now, this is sounding like we had something between us,nope. we were just friends. were there sexual tension?yes!!but you had to know the kind of person 10 was in the first place.
he was the class joker, the guy everyone loved, the one who always asked that stupid question in class just to make the teacher angry, that smart one who looks totally clueless, he was our senior prefect in our set and he was the neatest guy ive ever seen till date. ive never seen or met any other boy since i left secondary school who could be as neat as that boy, no matter how long we stayed in school or how long he ran on the school field with his uniform on, he'd still come out with his canvas still so white and still smelling so good!!
10 was the greatest boy, ever!!

and lots of my friends used to speculate about us and i used to deny it a lot and say there was nothing between us and there really wasnt but whenever people said anything to him, he'd just look at me and laugh..he never responded.
i remember a time in our jss3 when this girl slapped him cos he made a joke about her and the whole class laughed, when the girl slapped him , he turned looked at the girl for a minute, laughed and said..'you are so lucky you're a girl'.
10 was full of life, he was nice, he was that person who never said a bad word about anybody, and that was what i absolutely loved about him, he was a genuinely nice person.to tell you the truth 10 was and still is the nicest boy ive ever met, he never made jokes at your expense, he'd stand up for me no matter what happened.
what i loved most about him?10 is the most naive guy ive ever met, naive in every sense of the word!!

he'd know what was on my mind just like that and even before i'd say something he'd say..'dont say that!!' and i'd be like..'i havent even said anything' and he'd be like..'you were thinking it'.lol

i remember telling him that i was going to travel abroad for my college degree and i remember talking to him on phone and i started missing him even then.and i never saw him, we'd just speak on the phone and talk about everything i was going to do and people i was going to meet.
on the day i travelled, i called him when they called the boarding ish, and he told me:
'leggy, ive thought about what im going to say to you but i cant really think of anything so im just going to miss you'
and i said:'ooh, we are probably going to get married'..i said this jokingly cos from the onset of our friendship he always joked about marrying me...
and he laughed and replied:
'probably'.

p.s:this post didnt do 10 justice at all. he was perfect in my eye and still is, hence the pen name '10'.

p.p.s:i know my friend berry will read this and have something to say but um letting y'all know that no, i am def not lusting after him.i just love him....as a friend...i think.

p.p.p.s:i have to study for my finals next week, so no more posts till that is over.

~~ "A Friend may well be reckoned the masterpiece of Nature."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803 - 1882) US poet & essayist.~~
~~ True friendship consists not in the multitude of friends, but in their worth and value.-ben jonson~~
~~When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives means the most us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving much advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a gentle and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares.-henri nowen~~

leading lady

2009-11-29T05:35:00.000-08:00

I learnt
As the world draws to an end
With my heart beating off the charts
And my hands turning into ice
Hearts filled with dreams unaccomplished
Exiting this stage with love not found
I’m scared
Scared of death, the inevitable
A contract I don’t remember signing; but an unbreakable one
As I look into its eyes
Trying to find a sense of reassurance
Not one feeling there, just a sense of urgency
Thinking fast, conversation
He just looks at me, unseeing as I launched into a babble of words
Persuasion, begging, tears
Bargaining, hoping.
Holding on to the little bit of light
Sounds swirl all around me
Life flashes before me, its eyes seem to be saying:
One less person to deal with
Stepping out of this stage
While the other actors wait for me to be dragged out
Uncaring, eyes on the time
A minute or two of silence and the acting goes on
The acting must go on
The audience must be entertained
As death reaches out to end this unwritten story
I stare at my book not written
My songs not sung
My stories left untold
My feelings left unshared
My pictures not taken
As it flips its coins and decides my fate
Death gives me one of its rarest smiles
Another day left to live
Just another day left to wonder
When it will come to claim its part of the bargain
And as I slowly wake from this nightmare
I realize that I have nothing to offer death
Just a lot to offer life
I learnt from my conversation with death.

am i the only one who this 2012 rumor is scaring off their pants? cos im really scared. im graduating may 2012 and then someone is telling me that the world would end december 21st, 2012? they should confirm it now oh let me just drop out of school and stop wasting my parents money oh.
anyway sha, im damn scared of dying cos to be frank, noone really knows what is out there, noone knows what its like, death is like one of the great mysteries of life.
you know how in movies they usually have the main character and then the best friend? ive tried to live my life as my own leading lady and ive tried really hard not to be living my life as the bestfriend in the movie.
i try to make myself happy, i try to make sure that my happiness doesnt revolve around any human being.thats my greatest fears in relationships that i'd wake up oneday and realise that my happiness revolves around someone.
i make sure i enjoy my own company cos if i dont, who will?
i try to be nice to people and although in most cases people are not nice to me back i try to be really nice to people.
sometimes i let anger choose my words for me but i regret it as soon as i speak.
i find it really hard to apologise to people so i try my hardest to not be in the position where i have to apologise.
i dont believe that friends are indispensible, i dont allow anybody treat me like thrash just because they are my friends or claim to be my friends.
everyone i talk to or hang out with isnt necessarily a friend, many are just acquaintances, people i know or people who are fun to hang out with, few i actually call my friends.
i find it really hard to trust people, you seriously have to earn it.
telling people personal things about me is a very hard thing for me to do, and it takes a very long time for me to make close friends..i always fear that people would repeat stuff i tell them in confidence so i dont even try telling anybody anything.
i dont understand why people dont mind their own business, i mean its the easiest thing to do.
i try to live my life in a way that i wont regret when i die.
but you know the scariest part about death, the way people forget, no one in this life would die and then the world would stop moving or rotating, or people wont go on.i remember when that sosoliso air crash happened, that was one of the worst christmas ever, i knew 3/4 of the people in that plane, my mum's bestfriend's kids died in that aircrash, many people i knew, and that day it was hell in our house, we cried like there was no tomorrow and even though sometimes we remember it, its not as painful and on a normal day i dont even remember it.
see?life continues.thats the scariest part of death, oneday you will be forgotten, oneday no one is even going to know you ever lived on earth.
it was shakespeare who said that 'the world is a stage and we are all here to play our roles and exit the stage', some people never even get to finish their lines, some people never even get to step on the stage, some people get pushed off the stage, and now even when im trying to come to terms with death, ive learnt that its the way we lived that counts, not how we died, not when we die, but how we live.
its the living part that counts.
and if this world is a stage, im going to live my life like im the leading lady in this play called life.

p.s: i was talking to a friend of mine the other day and i told her that if a boy claims to have a girlfriend, and i dont even know the girl's name and ive never seen the girl before and the girl isnt a friend, an acquaintance or someone ive never set my eyes on before. then the guy is fair game to me, that as far as im concerned, he is single and if i like him.....lol
so anyway, i was thinking about it after telling her this and in my own head i sounded like a bitch, so i wanted to know what you guys think. i mean am i thinking like a bitch or am i right?

~~one day your life would flash before your eyes, make sure that it is worth watching~~
~~we all die, the goal isnt to live forever, the goal is to create something that will - oscar wilde ~~
~~of all the wonders that i yet have heard
it seems to me most strange that men should fear
seeing that death, a necessary end
will come when it will come - Shakespeare ~~

to the woman i currently love

2009-11-24T19:19:00.000-08:00

dont worry, im still not gay, still havent changed my mind.
anyway,yinkuslolo finally sent me all my posts through my mail and i was reading them over and realised that i rarely ever talked about my mum in my post..yup, there was a post called mummy said so but when i was reading it i realised that i never actually talked about what she was like, how i felt growing up with her. and i think the reason for this is because my mum is really quiet, while my dad is really loud, like in your face loud, like never shuts up loud(i still love you dad) so i guess in my memories my dad kinda overshadowed my mum and it probably doesnt help matters much that my dad calls me everyday, you;d think that man would give up by now.

anyway, my mum is such a beautiful woman and im not just saying that. my mum is gorgeous, everyone says so and my dad says so all the time, and my friends always tell me the same thing, my teachers commented, my dad's friends thought she was hot, everyone mentioned my mum's looks. i guess you now know without saying who i get my ugliness from...lol, dont mind me my dad is fine too, he looks like an older femi brenard and im not just saying that!!

growing up with my mum was like growing up with an adolf hitler but 100 times worse (okay, y'all know im exagerrating right?), my mum always got us to do what she wanted us to do with her eyes, i always felt like yelling ..'talk woman talk!!'...she'd look at you through her left eyes when you;d refuse to do something and then she'd turn and leave, im telling you noone has ever found out what she left to do cos that look always sent us running up from our beds.
my mum never gave us any of those sex talks, never mentioned marriage, still doesnt mention it...my dad handles all that. i know, i know, i come from a dysfunctional family and im proud of it(took years of therapy to get here but im proud of it now,lol). my mum is an only child so she grew up being pampered and ish but it never occurred to her to give us the same treatment ofcourse, sigh, parents!

but i still love my mum more than i do my dad, and even though my dad likes to think that we love him more, we really dont. my mum is the kind of person you can talk about anything with, shes the kind of mother that you come back from a bad day and cry to, my mum is always there for us, when i talk to my dad on the phone it reminds me of why i was so intent on schooling abroad, my dad is so over protective of 'his babies' but my mum gives us our space and i love her for that. everytime i speak to my mum on the phone i always feel like crying cos i miss her so so so much!!

my mum never picked up our phones, even when it'd be in her hands and she never read my textmessages even to check anything, and it really made me not want to disappoint her cos those little acts gave me a feeling that she trusted me and i loved her for it. she'd always let boys come to visit me at home and she knew all my guy friends by name, when she'd come to pick me up from school the boys of my class always went to greet her and she'd call them by their names and they'd talk and ish and it always made me so proud of her and made her look really cool to my classmates.
everytime i'd say that my mum shouted at me m friends never believed me and they always commented on the fact that im just saying that cos my mum doesnt look like she could hurt a fly....they always looked at my mum like some kinda delicate flower but my mum always killed us when we did something bad.

my mum would always tell us the truth, no matter what, she always told us the truth and maybe thats why we felt so close to her.my mum never argued, i dont know where i get this urge to argue from , but it sure wasnt from my mum, my dad would always argue with someone and my mum wouldnt even put in a word, when that person would leave my mum will be like.'you know you werent even making sense right?' and my dad would laugh and say..'i know, but that man has no spine, it felt so good'.if we couldnt afford something my mum would tell us that we couldnt afford it and till now i never have the urge to buy something that i cant afford, i'd be the first person to let anyone know that the main reason i wasnt going to buy something is because i cant afford it, my mum taught me to be proud of who i am and love my self regardless of other people.my mum was such a loner, she'd rarely go to people's house except very very few of her friends' houses and then the numerous places my dad always dragged her to to show her off.i got that from her, im a big loner, i can sleep for hours, i can go a month without talking to anyone, i dont watch lots of television and ive learnt not to run away from my own company cos if i dont enjoy me noone else will.

this post is getting kinda long, but bottom line, my mum is one hell of a woman and when im rich, she's going to get to do all the things she couldnt do cos she was taking care of 6 kids and one caring, sweet but really loud husband....and if i grow up being just a quarter of the woman that she is...

p.s: so yesterday, a guy from my lab called me, we had checked out our stuff from the lab when he asked me for my number, we were lab partners and we talked a lot while waiting for our chemicals to do what ever the text books said they were supposed to do.so anyway we got to know each other and so at the end of lab we exchanged our numbers and he proceeded to call me yesterday.meanwhile before that i watched this girl's videos on youtube and she said 'OOooh baby i know!!' and the way she said it was so nice that it stuck to my head all day and i kept repeating it in my head. so when this guy called me yesterday night and we were talking he now told me that i made an impression on him during lab class and guess what i said?yup...'OOooh, baby i know'. im sure now the guy thinks i like him but no, i really dont do vanilla but i still thought me just blotting that out like that was really funny and everytime i remember it i crack up!!

p.p.s: just started my thanksgiving hols, a couple of days of sleeping, ooh, bliss!!
~~ "All that I am or ever hope to be, I owe to my angel Mother."
-- Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865)~~
~~ "To describe my mother would be to write about a hurricane in its perfect power."
-- Maya Angelou~~
~~the hand that rocks the cradle is the hand that rules the world~~

friends:hate 'em?love 'em?

2009-11-20T03:44:00.000-08:00

there are 2 kinds of friends:

-those ones you can tell the truth

- and those ones that you cant.

one of my friends like that, ive talked about her on my blog before so im just going to call her friend 1, this girl has more than 5 boyfriends, no kidding.

she nevers says no to a guy and she tells me about all these guys but i dont react or say anything bad cos well, she will burst out with insults.

everytime a guy asks me out and i tell her, she tells me to agree, that i should just agree, and when i say i lovee being single, she tells me that i still have secondary school diseases, and that ill make a bad girlfriend/wife anyway(im not denying that ill make a bad girlfriend but way to go friend 1, plunge in the knife deeper will you?).

she has boyfriends in every country in the world, okay im exaggerating but every country that matters....nigeria, UK, america, canada...name it!!

she has 3 in nigeria, just in nigeria oh, and these threee people live with in a 2hour radius from each other...sigh, she prides herself on being the major femme fatale and she says things like 'its not my fault that my body is killing these men'(does she really have to say this to me?when im already too skinny, no breasts, no ass, no nothing!!seriously?).

now, she has a new 'boo' in her school who is chasing her(or shes chasing the boy, i forget).

when i did my birthday, i sent her a birthday list and what i sent her was just a shoe to wasnt up to 25bucks, she told me she was broke and that she was going to buy it later, once someone tells me that the person is broke, i back off cos well, you dont pick money from the ground or trees...fastforward 2 days, exactly 2 days, she comes to me and tells me that shes buying that her 'boo' a present...a cake, a card and a very expensive set of perfume(you know the ones that have a cologne, and all those other ish)...uhhh...but you didnt have 25bucks for a friend?

you know, im not even tripping, now if this 'boo' was her boyfriend, men i'd just realise that we are different, but they are not oh.this boy has refused to ask her out!!

she walks him to class, spends money on him...and gives him bjs, lets him borrow her car....and this boy still hasnt asked her out.

on the other hand, there is my good friend berry, i tell her the truth and she tells me the truth. and i get along with her better cos well, we are more alike, we think about stuff in the same way, we just rock(actually we dont, but you guys dont know im such a loser in real life...sigh, the wonders of a blog!).lol

so my friend berry, tells friend 1 that she is spending wayyy to much time, money and strength on a guy who isnt even her boyfriend, and friend 1 sparks and goes into the name calling:

list of names:

-bitch

-you are jealous that you dont have a real man in your life: lmao...real men?

- ashawo and whore: i dont actually mind these insults, cos when people call me this, it actually implies that im getting some action when im getting nothing at all.

-unattractive:..uhhh?serious?i dont know where this insult came from cos that my friend berry is HOT!!ask anyone!atleast shes hotter than friend 1

- noone wants her: this is a really sad insult for me to hear, sigh, cos noone wants me too(see why berry and i get along?we are both pathetic.lol)

my friend 1 called berry a lot of things that i fi tell you, you'd cringe, i mean seriously? cos of a boy that isnt even your boyfriend?mind you she has asked the boy about the realtionship part and the boy said that..'he wants to take it slow' but this same boy is the same boy that she has given blow jobs too(he didnt think of given the slow speech here) and this same boy told her that its about time they had sex(no slow here either).

sigh!!

im such a wimp, i could never say this to her cos i really really hate confrontations, i dont mind the quarrel that follows soon after cos if i may say so im a pro in quarreling(any respectable nigerian who had primary and secondary education there should be too), i just dont like the insult and name calling part cos there are a lot of things you can insult me for...im a loser, im too skinny, i think sleeping is fun, i cant sing...and the list goes on.

so this blog is the only place i can feel brave to say whatever i want.

the people who made me lose my other blog are prolly reading this and i just want to say..'you guys made me lose 95 posts on my blog!'. if you are my friend and you find my blog, its pure courtesy to tell me that you found it and that you are reading it instead of reading it and then go about whining about how im talking about you, mschewww.get a life please, i dont talk about boring people on my blog.

anyway, im so over this blog thing.

technically this is my 98th post!!

im so celebrating my 100th post!!

and i put back the followers ish, i dont care, im just going to rebuild this blog again!!

so macy d'funk labunk wrote me a poem:

sigh.

To all of the songs I wish to write someday
With the details of sins I hope I get the chance to commit
There would always be the tale of the confused teenager with the beautiful legs
Who had good days and bad like everyone else
But was shy to the beauty she was
And shared with the rest of us eager bloggers
And how her words touched us, made us, and taught us
Or how ahead of the rest she was and how we dragged behind her
With the A's in her tests, and fixation on womens chests
She remains the tale that lasts for ages
Lives forever in our hearts and is passed on to our grandchildren.
The song for all ages, the no 1 hit I can't wait to write.

sigh,dont you just love this?i feel so loved(lol).

thanks macy.made me feel so much better.

gay??

2009-11-18T10:39:00.000-08:00

thanks for your comments on my last post made me feel so much better.
i removed the follower application on this blog cos looking at it makes me just want to cry, from 122 to 1follower.sigh.
i had a funny picture for you guys but this computer at the library wont let me post it, so just laugh like i really did put it off.think of how funny it would have been and laugh.

anyway, since ive been writing this blog, do i seem gay to you guys?a co-worker today told me that she always thought i was gay!!!

huh?

seriously?

do i come off as gay?
i do love a woman's body..and i google it a lot..maybe cos people dont get as prudish when they see you looking at amber, as they get when they see you google a guy.hiss
so incase you've always thought that im gay.
no, im not.

you know the kind of friend i dont like?
that one that always ask...'do you think im attractive?'
when i think of how many of those kinds of questions that ive gotten from girls, i think maybe they do think im gay.
but no, besides that, please dont ask me that.
i have more problems of my own.
or that person who tries to fish for compliments from you.
they go like...
'hey, you look so cute in that shoe, i dont look cute at all'
and then so that you dont sound rude you gotta say:
'aww, no, you look cute too'.
sigh

christmas.
is it only me or does christmas actually smell like christmas in nigeria?
i cant smell christmas here.
seriously.
im broke so the chance of buying a ticket is getting lower and lower.
yesterday, i was so bored that i talked to my friend for 4hours.
im such a loser.
i watched 'for the love of ray j'.
is it only me or are those girls psycho?
that thing is actually interesting.
its my shame show. that one that i dont ever admit that i like.
my roommate and i watch it and its our little secret.
sigh,im such a loser.

am i the only one who doesnt like it when people show up unannouced?
like seriously?
doesnt your phone work anymore?
when my house is all untidy
and i just finished cooking...sigh.
and there is a naked girl...or guy in my room..ha ha ha.
i should stop making such jokes.
and start paying attention to details
whisper:thats what she said last night.

a new episode of south park is showing today.
yah!!
cant wait.
im a south park addict and since i lost my laptop to the dust.
ive been having withdrawal symptoms
so i hope it gets fixed tonight.hopefully.

sometimes i really hate this country and most of all my school.
sometimes i really hate the people here.
they never mind their own business.
always pokenosing into other people's business.
and if you meet someone who tell you:
'i cant tell you another person's business'
before you even ask.
hmmm,that person has a big mouth.
just saying.
but its not like ive not met some great people here.
i have.totally.but the bad people still outnumber the good.
like these two sisters i really love.
they are the few nice people ive met here.

you know that your friend that you cant hate?
yeah that one that you cant say no to?
sigh.
i hate this friend,
i mean i love her, but i want to hate her.
two of my friends are quarrelling anf because i refused to take sides, one of them isnt talking to me.
girls and their drama.sigh!!

im signing out now, after today then im yours forever!!!
today is my last full class day.
im thinking of travelling to dallas for christmas.
and someone said she thinks i should go home if i miss naija so much.
i want to.
but my folks wont let me.
yeah, those people who try to make you miserable till you get married?yes, those people!!

have you guys heard about the genevieve and omotola film coming out called ije?
seems it will be really good.cant wait.
you should google..ije the movie.
p.s:im sure at the end of this post, i already sound gay-er than ever.sigh.
maybe i should really roll to the other side.
JUST KIDDING OH!!I LOVE MEN.
jokes like these are going to get me into trouble with my mum oneday...(or yours.)lol

sigh

2009-11-17T04:51:00.000-08:00

this week has just been crazy.

found out i wasnt so annon as i wanted or thought.so i decided to take a break from blogging, i proceeded to delete the blog because google promised me i could get it back in 90 days if i changed my mind.and i was going to come back after a while but when someone gave me a better idea on how to prevent unnecessary people from reading my blog,i decided to come and undelete to no avail.

yinkuslolo offered to send me all my post cos she has it on google reader.

i have four tests this week, i have finals immediately after thanks giving, the hours i work just increased.

my laptop broke down monday morning oh, i was in bed and the thing was on top of my bed and i rolled over and the thing fell down and now everytime i turn it on it says operating system not found.

my dad has been pushing me to tell him where i want to spend christmas and frankly i have no idea, my two very good friends are having problems with each other and because i refused to take sides or chip in anything in their quarell, one of them isnt talking to me.

i have two papers and a final project due by thanks giving, its getting so cold now i miss naija'!!

lol.with all these going on im going to be scare on blogville but i got you all on google reader(hanks yinkuslolo)....im going to probably be stalking your blogs and leaving comments.

its 6:45 and im here in the library typing this waiting for 7:30 so that i can go take my test.seriously, i don tire.

if you guys havent seen the 'christmas in lagos' video, then you are on a long thing.i personally think its hot.

see you guys on your blogs.

lost my blog

2009-11-16T13:05:00.000-08:00

if anyone knows how i can recover my blog.they should pleaseeeeeee let me know.