Monday, June 25, 2012

why have you never had a boyfriend?

- i'm a horrible person, can't you tell by reading my blog? i'm just a horrible, horrible bitch.

- i'm ugly. dude, i'm an egg on twitter, i've been on twitter for almost two years and i'm still an egg. obviously, i'm ugly. nobody wants me man.

- everyone knows relationships are for losers. come on, what sane person is actually in a relationship? they're for really creepy, clingy people.

- everyone knows relationships are like the world cup. you can only indulge in it once every four years. i've missed my window every 4 years. i have to wait till 2015 to be eligible to contest again.

- i'm too thin for nigerian men. i don't have boobs, ass, hips. come on, are you just asking me this to make me feel bad about my body?! i already said i was ugly, now you want me to admit that my body is like a stick too?!

- there are too many applications for this position. i'm lazy, i just can't be bothered to go through all of it. in fact, i need a personal assistant to clear this shit out. the applications for this position is overwhelming!! overwhelming i tell you!!!

- i'm too picky. what am i going to do with a hot guy with no money?! or an ugly guy with all the money?! i want it all man, i want it all!!!

- i'm too hot. men literally die from the thought of being with me. this beauty is a blessing and a curse man. y'all don't know how hard it is to be this pretty and attractive. you don't know. you don't know my life!! you don't know how hard this life of beauty is!! you just don't know!!!

- everyone poops - why would i want to be stuck with someone who poops? like this right here literally writes itself.

- i'm igbo, i just haven't met someone with enough money.

- my eggs are in such high demand, i figure i should preserve it and sell it to the highest bidder.

- i'm shallow, why do you comb your hair from back to front?! why?! how can i introduce you to my family if you comb your hair from back to front? how?!

- no one deserves me. the amazingness that is me is too amazing to be discussed.



DiDi said...

Interesting.. i`ll just say.. you are beautiful..

Myne Whitman said...

LOL...I like the 4 years argument :)

Summer said...

i had been waiting on your next post.i chuckled throughout this one, i so know about being picky.

Ginger said...

LMAO! That is soo tongue in cheek.
Guess you want it all. Seek and ye shall find!

Chi-Chi said...

this post made me laugh! thanks, i think i shall using some of these answers the next time someone asks me why i have never had a bf x

sisi said...

I KNOW!!! so glad it's not just me. I only want a tall hot sexy handsome poopless filthy rich loving and caring adonis who'd come meet me and make me his girlfriend. is that too much to ask? :(

Tisha Smith said...

you're not done ranting
you were probably having one of those slow days
i call them the snail.