self proclaimed nice boys.

there are few things i hate in life more than i hate self proclaimed nice guys. you know, those guys who think you should be dating them because according to them, they are nice. the fact that you think that because you're nice some girl is required to date you is so fucking stupid, it's almost delusional.
i've been asked out a bunch of times by this guy that most of my friends know and recently, i told the guy that i'm just not attracted to him and silly boy sends me a long ass email telling me how i'm never going to meet anyone that is as 'nice' as him and how maybe when i actually have a boyfriend and end up with a dick then i'll know what i missed and how 'nice guys finish last' and all girls are always complaining about 'dating arseholes when they choose them themselves'. so, this 'nice' guy thinks he's so 'nice' but he sends me a long arse email telling me how i'm going to end up with an arsehole boyfriend because i turned him down. wow. how nice of him to remind me why i should be dating him.
i have no patience for boys who parrot the whole 'nice guys finish last' stupid crap. no, that girl does not want to date you because she doesn't like you.
i was totally going to ignore said boy but i got on tumblr to tumblr away my anger and lo and behold, i find this bullshit of a facebook comment on my TL. so this boy thinks this girl owes him something because he has been 'nice' to her. he thinks calling her out on facebook and insulting her infront of all her friends and family is to show her how 'nice' he's been to her. obviously, all this niceness is obviously in his head because he just ended up being a dick to her on facebook.

self proclaimed nice boys are the fucking worse and no one owes you shit because you think you're nice.

leggy.

Finding God.

I'm trying to be a better christian. I'm trying to believe again, i'm trying to rebuild my faith again. i'm trying to find God in the little things in life. i'm trying to build a personal relationship with him again. Maybe try church again. Maybe be happy. Maybe have peace of mind.
I really don't know when i lost Him. I just stopped believing. I just had too many doubts. I'm trying to find him again. I'm not just trying to be a christian. i want to be a better person. i want to be kinder, i want to be happier. Happy. I don't remember the last time i was happy. ss2 maybe? I don't know. I just want to be happy. Peace of mind. It is comforting believing in something bigger than you, believing that someone out there is watching over you, isn't it? I'm just torn with christianity because there is so much i'd like to not believe that this God who is ever so loving is capable of.
Like all good, amazing people who happen to be muslim or any other religion are going to hell? i can't even wrap my head around that. Can't reconcile this merciful God with that.
I downloaded the bible on my iphone, i am going to start reading it again from Mark (God manifested as a man), Hosea (God's disposition towards his people), Acts (the formation of the early church), Songs of Solomon (God as a romantic), Ephesians and galatians( christian principles) and then everything in between. I got this list from the tumblr of one of my favourite poets - Alysia Harris. She's a Christian who fasts during ramadan. lol. I love her.
So i'm going to be reading 10 verses compulsory every morning and night and more if I so please. Hopefully, i see this through.

I got an email this morning from my poetry teacher from last year, she wanted to know if i'd kept up with my writing. I love writing, i really do and when i'm in a writing class (i'm an English minor with a creative writing discipline), i write these beautiful pieces because i have to write them but once that term finishes and i'm stuck with just my engineering and chemistry classes i don't write anything. She wants me to do the 30 day poetry challenge where I write one poem a day at the end of the next 30 days and she wants me to send them to her so that she can hold me to my word. I'm really excited about doing this and i feel amazing that she thought i was good enough to look up and encourage me to keep writing. so, i'm going to be doing that too.

i'm also going to start journaling. I don't know. i think you get a perspective on things if you write them down and read them back to yourself.

i want to stop avoiding things in my life. when i have a problem with someone, i avoid them like my life depends on it, i just don't do confrontation. i never even talk it over with the person, i just cut them out of my life. it scares me how fast i can do that, just wake up and decide to cut someone out of my life. it's scary and i want to start facing my problems head on.
i get triggered by somethings. the news for example, i haven't watched or read the news purposefully since 2009, i deleted facebook to avoid political comments from people, i've moved to avoid hateful people in my life. At some point, we all have to stop running, i guess.

I've decided to start making To-Do Lists. i've realised that when i have a list telling me to do something, i achieve more that day. now, i'm just actually lazy to write the darn To-Do lists these days.

i'm determined to become a better person and hopefully, a little happier. In fact, i'll take content any day over what i am right now.

One day at a time.

'the only darkness we should allow into our lives is the night, and even then, we have the moon.' - warsan shire

love,
leggy

the universe is freaking bringing me a man y'all

So, i was talking to my friend recently and she was telling me how the universe gives us everything we want if we're just bold enough to ask and put it out there (which is funny because i've been asking for money since forever but okay). So, she told me that she met her boyfriend a week after she wrote a list of everything she wants in a guy and put it up on a board in her room, looked at it every morning so as not to forget, and just let the universe bring him into her life. Viola!! 7 days later, honey walks into her life. I know her boyfriend, he's amazing and he's everything she's ever wanted but still, the universe? sigh. i'm quite skeptical to say the least. Did we suddenly stop believing in coincidence around here? i laughed so hard and she said i should just try it and actually try to believe that the universe will send me my heart desires. i'm really liking this universe, people. this universe doesn't even ask for much, just write what you want people and leave it out for the universe to see and send you exactly what you want. she even asked me to do a vision board which actually sounds interesting. I believe in this as much as i believe in astrology which is not at all.
then she goes the whole 'what if it actually exists?' route. sigh. it doesn't hurt does it? so i wrote what i want. do you think the universe takes height and weight requirements too? gosh, i really hope so. can't have the universe sending me a short man y'all.

this is the list i wrote:

- kindness: i want a kind boy. kindness is very high on my list, i want to be with someone who i know is kind to people. you can tell a lot about other people by how they treat strangers and close family. kindness is so underrated these days. i swear, especially on twitter, people lash out like they have a quota of meanness that they absolutely have to dish out a day.

- friends: i absolutely want someone to be my friend. anyone i can talk to and feel comfortable around, i know i can absolutely marry. i'm one of those people who can absolutely do without being head over heels in love with someone. i was giving my very close friend advice about her ex-boyfriend and she threw the classic 'you're only saying this because you've never been in love' in my face. yes, i've never been in love and i don't think i want to be either.

- sexual chemistry - i guess this is pretty important.

- ambitious: my dad is probably the most ambitious man i've ever met. i can't imagine ever even being friends with someone with no ambition talk more of marrying this said person. people with absolutely no ambition in life need to stay away from me, universe.

everything else is pretty negotiable for me as long as he is not short(ha!!).

i'm just asking that the universe wait a couple more years, 20 years and counting and i'm still enjoying being single because of reasons. so yeah, if you're single and getting old, it's your fault, obviously. the universe has just been there waiting for you to write it already, the universe is not going to beg people. it's not.

i hope y'all are having a good summer. my summer was horrible. i'm applying to grad school this upcoming semester, i really hope i get in and get an assistantship or something.

let me know what would be on your list to the universe. you never know, i guess.

love,
leggy.