Thursday, March 14, 2013

don't make her the other woman

i'm tired of cheating responsibilities being placed on women. if your boyfriend cheats on you, it's because your boyfriend made a decision to cheat on you and then found someone to cheat on you with. HE made the decision to cheat on you, the 'other woman' is just an accomplice who frankly doesn't owe you shit. i know that in situations like this people want to blame the other woman because it's easier, it makes it easier to forgive a man you love if you truly believe that this woman made him cheat, that this woman lured him in somehow. i get that. you don't want to believe that someone you love is capable of hurting you so much. but the other woman made no vows to you, she didn't promise to commit to you, she didn't promise to love you and in more cases than not, she doesn't even know who the hell you are. Your BOYFRIEND made the decision to cheat on you, he is the one who broke his vows to you, he is the one who owed you loyalty not the other woman.
i understand women being in solidarity and not hurting other women but i've realized that people only spout this rule when it's cool for them. in more cases than not, your boyfriend sort her out. even if she sort your boyfriend out, he could have just said no. people behave like married women and women in relationships aren't asked out by men once they get into relationships. they obviously are but everyone expects them to be disciplined and true and say no to temptation but no one demands the same from the men.
i've never understood the concept of someone loving you and cheating on you. millions of people believe it, even my very close friends but i have a question for you: how do you know someone loves you? because they tell you that they love you or because they show you that they love you? i can tell someone i love them without meaning it so lets stick to showing. so their actions have convinced you that they love you, that's cool but isn't cheating part of their actions? how can you separate the cheating part of him and all his other actions? how do you know he loves you? i've never heard a man ever say that phrase. in fact when i told my friend about the LIB article where the man said his wife cheated on him and he wants to divorce her even though he'd cheated on her several times, my guy friend goes "yup, he should divorce her. why would she cheat on him?" when i told him that the man had cheated severally in the past, he said "well, the woman made the decision to forgive him and stay with him but the husband doesn't want to. it's his choice. me i think he should divorce her".
why aren't the women given the benefit of the doubt of indiscipline? only men can be indisciplined? why do women make excuses for the excesses of men but turn around and complain about how hard and difficult marriage is when your arse has been enabling his excesses so that you can be mrs. somebody? why are we as a society so quick to blame the other woman? lets take assistant madam for instant on twitter, i excessively enjoy her tweets, more than i should, it's entertaining and frankly sounds like fiction but some women on twitter were all in arms talking about "you're laughing now what if that was your husband that she's sleeping with?"... uhhhh, she's not raping your husband, your husband sort her out. your husband was a very willing participant, some people act like men are precious objects that have no brain, have absolutely no control of what their penises fall into and they need to be cuddled and protected from all of these women of the world that are just waiting to pounce and sleep with them.

yes, i agree don't be the other woman. even more importantly, tell your husbands and boyfriends not to make her one.


p.s: late for class. did not proof read. 


Anonymous said...


I constantly say this and some of friends think I'm delusional! It's not the other woman's fault (even if she goes after your man). It's the man's fault for scumming to such.
People just have a hard time accepting responsibilities for their actions

Sugabelly said...

I just came from a ridiculous blog post once again telling women to stay away from married men. You probably saw that blog post too. I am so tired of it. I saw the post about the man whose wife cheated and he wanted to divorce her even though he had cheated. WHAT A FUCKING HYPOCRITE. But there you go. Even women in Nigerian society are brainwashed to support this hypocrisy. If it had been the woman who had come out to say she wanted to divorce her husband, the comments would have been full of people begging her to forgive him and calling her a whore for cheating. Solidarity with other women is NOT blaming women when men cheat but laying the blame squarely where it belongs. With the men who cheat.

Myne said...

Well said, I read the post too and just published a blog post about it, LOL...

doll (retired blogger) said...

i couldn't have said it any better

Toinlicious said...

And that is all! You just got yourself a new fan.
Irresponsible man, own up to your freaking responsibility and stop with the excuses. And yea, Mrs. wife, you have no business with the other woman