Friday, March 22, 2013


Nagging is the first thing you learn as a nigerian woman. It's like a passage of sorts. you're taught to not nag your husband or boyfriend. you're taught it by everybody and especially by nigerian movies that tell you that nagging your husband/boyfriend is going to make him meet genevieve nnaji and fall in love with her, and cheat on you and leave you and it'd be justified because your bitch arse was nagging him all around the house.
you start talking to your friends about how you're not a nag, justify your guyfriends' stupid behaviours because their girlfriends nag them to death. you grow up deciding that you're never going to nag your boyfriend or husband. you're going to be the absolute perfect wife and your husband will not treat you like that other woman's husband because you're not a nag like her.
you get into a relationship and your boyfriend makes a sexist comment and you argue with him, he talks bullshit about women and you argue with him, he comes back late from work and you argue with him, he forgets dates and you argue with him. the amount and frequency of the arguments are becoming more often than you can handle, you start backing off because you don't want to be labeled a nag, he is a great guy with a great job and you really don't think you're going to be able to do any better than him if this relationship doesn't work out. so you start shutting up, you become more agreeable. you don't ask him about that perfume on his shirt, he comes back late and lays beside you and you spend your time on proverbs 31 trying really hard to be a "virtuous" woman to a very undeserving idiot.
he starts making decisions for you, your opinions become his, you start shutting up about things that you used to be passionate about, feminism? uhhh, who needs that? you need to get married first and you'll worry about that.
you become a shadow of yourself.
He ends up marrying you because he's dated you for long and you're as good as it gets.
i find that "nagging" has become a way for most nigerian men to shut you up really fast. you're not a nag for having a freaking opinion, there should be things that you don't agree with him about, you should be a human being. sure, he'll end up marrying some girl who doesn't have an opinion but at least you won't find yourself 25 years later in a marriage where you realise you hate the man you married, you have achieved absolutely nothing with your life, your husband doesn't like talking to you because it's just like talking to himself, you have absolutely no independent opinion of your own, and you're raising a male son who is just like him.
it's cool to know when to argue and when to let things go but don't let anyone bully you out of your beliefs with that word.



LadyNgo said...


Lohi said...

I made a resolution a few years ago to stop being the "cool" girlfriend. I will ask the most irritating questions. If that makes me a nag so be it. In an effort for us to be this perfect cool girlfriend that is every mans dream we sometimes lose ourselves. Miss me with that BS! I am not cool!

RQ said...

lovely piece. i shall proceed to share it on my blog immediately. its good you agree that he will end up marrying someone else who doesn't have a freaking opinion for each time he has a thought. a man has to be a man, no matter how he's built. he has to provide physically for his family, but with that responsibility comes the right to lead them and provide direction. if he has a co-captain that MUST have a contrary view and totally has to share them every single time and in front of everyone, then clearly she will end up having a very expressive marriage and an early separation...or at least a "junior wife" who knows when and how to keep her mouth shut and swallow her opinion.

Toinlicious said...

Some men are just selfish. You didn't configure me so i can't always say/act the way you want. If you want to marry a zombie, go right ahead and marry her but please, don't call me a nag when i refuse to be your clone because i have a brain and i like to use it.

Busola said...

So True!! Its irritating to think that you're cool when you don't give him stress about his BS. Oh Lord, I tell my guys all the time that the only way I can truly show my love to them is to point out their #epicfails. And I go ahead to do so. If he says "your own is too much jo" and walks away, then I let him go find that 'cool girl' because it sure-as-hell cannot be me.