indecisive

i went from:

i can only date nigerians.

to

i cant stand nigerians, i doubt ill marry one.

to

i cant date other africans either. i rarely even talk to other africans.

to

i can't date someone of a different race.it's a waste of time and my parents would kill me if i did.

to

what they dont know won't hurt them.

to

being invited to watch a movie with him after midnight on saturday. he rented 'something new'. subtle much?

to

oh.what the hell?!he's cute and i like him.ill just go with the flow.

to

we might be different shades of colours...

but i cant help falling in love with you (cue elvis presley's voice).

hey blogville.

i've been terribly busy this semester. i'm taking 6 classes, 19 hours and four engineering classes. but its been okay so far.just woke up to do my CE( i dont know why chEs are required to take a CE class) homework and decided to update my blog.

this is basically what has been going on in my life.

i never drink alcohol but last week during lunch at one of my oyinbo friend's house we ate with white wine and i fell in love. back home, i'd only had red wine(which i hate) so im glad i found a brand of alcohol that i actually like.

i got a macbook pro.so far i love it, i cant code in excel though cos apparently stupid mac excel doesnt support VBA.which is kind of stupid but the next excel office by mac is apparently going to.

sorry for the long hiatus people.

eat well(i've been eating like a cow lately), sleep(i cant remember the last time i got a good night's sleep), love(rolling eyes) and pray(i need to start doing this more often).

love,

leggy.

google is definitely my friend

so, im a hugeeeeeeeeeee failure at comforting my friends' broken heart and seriously, im single.what the heck do you expect?!i've never been heartbroken so i definitely have no clue what they are going through and to tell you the truth some of them just get on my nerves.

they cry and say things like:'i'll never find happiness again'.please, you're 19-20..freaking snap out of it.

'he said he'd always be there'- sigh, seriously?do i even need to comment?

'i cant believe he slept with her, he said he would wait for me to be ready'--thats how he kept himself busy while he waited dear.

'she's not even that pretty'---yeah, sweetheart, im sorry to break it to you, she is.

'he didnt deserve me'-sigh, the classic line.

and then the famous facebook breakup because if its not on facebook, its not official yet.
so and so went from 'in a relationship' to 'single'.
and then ofcourse the girl's friends will comment and go
'he didnt deserve you anyway'--ummm, why didnt you tell her before she got into the relationship
'oneday, you will find someone who will cherish and love you'--oooo--kkaaayyy.
'i cant believe he went into another relationship 5mins after you guys broke up'--amebo, wayy to rub it in.even i am not that insensitive.

i love my friends so ofcourse these are all what i think not what i say.
so i say things like 'dont worry dear, you'll be fine'. recently, we were like a team of 4 and someone stole my line!so you know how everyone says something and then you're left there cracking your brain, so i googled..'things to tell your friend when she is heartbroken'.
so i personally had the best line that night...i quoted the genius that yahoo answers be:
is he really worth all these tears?one day you're going to look back and wonder why you even wasted those tears.

and she burst into more tearsmeaning i did succeed in reaching out to her.

results:blowing up my phone in the middle of the night whenever she cried.sigh.i should have stuck with my classic line 'you'll be fine' cos they always turn out to be anyway

how you guys doing?
this is a little rushed and i couldn't proofread.

leggy.

p.s

i waited 17 years for the perfect first kiss

most of the time, i regret not waiting one more year

to atleast kiss someone i actually really like

now that i've met him....

.....i cant wait to be 19.

leggy

i'll tell her..

that this life is hers and noone should tell her how to own it.

i'll remind her that God gave us the rainbow to view the world because it is never really black and white.

that she should never not doubt because doubting doesnt make her weak, it makes her woman enough to take the truth.

and when those eyes stare her down and feed her disappointment she should learn to accept.

she should be as elastic as the vagina, learn to accept and to give and when the world decides to try to rape her of her innocence, she should learn to heal.

i'll tell her not to be afraid to cry, the tears wash away the hurt, the heartbreak, the failures, it prepares a venue for time to take its course.

and then i'll call her honey to remind her that sweet things never come easy, that just like the bees the world won't hesitate to sting her where it hurts most.

like a lighthouse, i'll lead her to safety.

and just because love like snow melts away easily, it doesnt mean she shouldn't reach out and grab it.

i'll make sure she knows that her caramel tinted skin is God's way of making sure the earth has a little flavour, remind her to treat every man with the same respect because this reality show called life is too short for her to be the judge, she should learn to be a participant.

show her that these feet should be able to carry her to the reality of her dreams but she shouldn't think running is the only way to walk.she should learn to enjoy the sand that keeps her from walking too fast and the water that runs onto shore to wash her scars away.

i'll make sure to let her know,that the millions of words in the dictionary doesnt describe her, how could they possibly begin to describe her uniqueness?

let her know that the birds and the bees cannot begin to describe the chemistry that brought her into this space.

remind her that her tears at birth is the beginning of the duality of good and bad, she should learn to accept each.with open arms she should embrace circumstances but also remember that they do not define who she is or who she would become.

i'll let her realise that the beings that will attract her and make her create her own sexual chemicals do not define her.let her know that love is filled with numerous flavours and she shouldn't be afraid to taste them.

i'll make sure to let her know that her mother isn't perfect, and neither is she.

decided to give you guys a little snippet of what i'm working on.i hope you figured it out, if you didn't...this is a writeup to my unborn girl. tell me what you think.

how you guys doing?

leggy.

happy :-)-->totally random

i'm feeling so much better thanks to you guys.
i spoke to my dad today and he made me laugh so much that when i dropped the phone i realised that i have so much to be thankful for.
so what if im a little tired of some people? there are still many people out there that genuinely care about me and want me to stay happy.
its been so long since i did a random here, so im going to do a random today!!

- its funny how everytime i want something unnecessary from my dad, i say:'well..unless you cant afford it..' and the man will reply saying 'expect it the day after tomorrow'.my dad has soo much pride eh, i actually learnt that trick from my mum who uses it like all the time! its funny how the man has 5 girls plus my mum who use this trick on him and he still hasnt caught up.*shakes head*

- i love music.sometimes, i'd listen to a song and think:'thats exactly how im feeling'. songs make me realise that someone somewhere has already gone through what im going through and that my problem isnt unique.it helps me a lot.
i also just realised that johannes brahms' lullaby was the piece that my mum used to 'sing' and my dad used to whistle to me during bedtime when i was little.
im currently hooked on secrets by one republic.
i dont really like rap cos apart from 5 rap artists that i actually listen to(jay,eminem,TI,kanye and drake), others dont really make sense.i just cant listen to something that i cant really say 'this is what this song is talking about'.im starting to get into B.O.B though.

-i'm a big book fan.I'd read anything.
someone actually advised me to lose myself in a book because of my last post and i took your advise and read sidney sheldon's memories of midnight.it was okay.
i'm a huge harry potter fan-->i cant count how many times ive reread those books.
random fact:the only book more translated than the harry potter series is the Bible.

-i'm not a very religious person.i go to church, i strongly believe in God but im just not that religious.i try to pray often though and i try to be a good person.i really strive to be good.
i try very hard to at least obey the golden rule:'do to others what you would like them to do to you'.
i dont understand people who would do something continuously to someone and then when people turn around and do the same to them they act surprised.
i once heard someone say:'because of the way i insult people, these people are now ganging up to insult me'-->what did you expect?!that they'd lie dormant while you insult them?smh

- have you ever had a crush on someone for like forever and suddenly you just snap out of it?!
i used to like this boy and when he asked me out i just realised:'gosh, i dont want to date him!!what did i see in him in the first place?!'..i let him down easy though.i didnt actually say that i dont like him.sometimes, i think he thinks that i still like him.*rolls eyes*

-19 is the age that my dad would let me have a boyfriend.it used to be 20 until we reached a compromise.a lot of people wonder why i kept to this age thing when my dad is like 3000miles away and wouldn't know if i had a boyfriend.i'm really close to my dad, trust me, he'd find out.i can't keep things from my dad,he always finds out.plus i just feel like my dad has sacrificed so much for his girls(thats what he calls my sisters, my mum and i), if this is the only thing he wants in return then its fine with me.its not like i even want a boyfriend now sef,
purpose of this particular info:im turning 19 in a little over 2 months.
i dont know if i should be excited.shrug. 19 is such an unimportant age.

-A lot of times when i say that ive never worn weaves(and dont see myself wearing one) people think im dissing weaves.nope, i dont care what anyone does with their hair cos frankly, no matter what anybody says its your hair.i just prefer braids or wearing my hair out thats all.

- in a lot of ways, i feel like if i had stayed in nigeria for college, my life would have been a whole lot easier and better.more friends for one. i dont really have close friends here, whenever i have issues i still call my old classmates who are all scattered around the America. i cant wait to move out of my apartment complex though.im tired of everything here.

currently listening to: daughtry - september
i really like my poetry class.i had to write a 7 paged essay and it's worth 20% of my grade.if i make an A in it then im guaranteed an A in the class so my fingers are crossed.
my physics class on the other hand isnt going too well....one of the things that is seriously depressing me.
so apparently, im underweight. i'm trying to gain 10pounds so ive been eating a lot of meat which i really dont think is going to help because thats all ive always eaten and i never gain weight.
everytime i pass a mirror or a reflective door, i look at my reflection, does that make me vain?
i have this really good friend of mine who is becoming to matured eh, its now such a pleasure having a conversation with her.

have a great week,
leggy.

i'm drowning

this summer
everyone around me seems so bent on changing me
i'm surrounded by the whole world and still i feel so alone
i grope in the dark trying to find some directions
everyone seems to know how exactly i should live my life
everyone has that memo but me
i'm drowning in a very dark sea and everyone is watching me drown.
i had lunch with him last night
i talked, he listened
'you'll be fine', he said
why dont i believe that?
ive hit an all time, record-breaking low.
every night i waste in tears
but i'm strong
so every morning, i dust off my smile and put it back on
because i need to survive.


currently listening to: enya:only time.

dear crush.

i got this from juicegal, who got it from burramint.
i'm going to write my letters but not in that particular order. im going to write all the 30 letters, i'm just going to write each one as the words come.


to the boy i have a crush on.

dear boy-i-have-a-crush-on,

i want to kiss you like vows unbroken --> bassey ikpi

i like you. like really like you. i like you like i like strawberries dipped in chocolate that you brought me for lunch in school and then made a big deal about it not being a valentine gift. i never told anyone that because i haven't liked anyone in a long time i dont want to jinx you.

i like you how i like omelet even though i might be lactose intolerant.i guess this is my way of saying that even though i really like you i still think that you are really bad for me. i like you like i like taking walks which you insist i do because i dont want to burden anyone by asking for rides and then you show up at my door every sunday to prevent me from walking the 30minutes to school. i like you for that.

i like you the way i like badly written books but i cant stop reading them because i can't believe that the editor was so stupid as to publish them. i dont even know what that means.

i like that you like me for me. that you like my weird humor and you compliment me every chance you get. girls like compliments, you would think that every boy would know that but they really don't. seriously.

i hate that you are shy.i hate that you have never given me a real hug but always complain that i skip you whenever i hug people. i like that you apologise whenever you do something that you think even remotely made me mad. i like that you have absolutely no idea how to be romantic, so that when you actually do something romantic i know that it is very genuine. i like that we have that unspoken secrecy.what we talk, text or facebook about remains totally between us. i like that you know that i only jump into the bathroom when you call me to tell me that you are on your way to my house, i like that you dont whine about having to wait for me. i like that you like me. for me.just me.

with love,

leggy.