Sunday, November 29, 2009

leading lady

I learnt
As the world draws to an end
With my heart beating off the charts
And my hands turning into ice
Hearts filled with dreams unaccomplished
Exiting this stage with love not found
I’m scared
Scared of death, the inevitable
A contract I don’t remember signing; but an unbreakable one
As I look into its eyes
Trying to find a sense of reassurance
Not one feeling there, just a sense of urgency
Thinking fast, conversation
He just looks at me, unseeing as I launched into a babble of words
Persuasion, begging, tears
Bargaining, hoping.
Holding on to the little bit of light
Sounds swirl all around me
Life flashes before me, its eyes seem to be saying:
One less person to deal with
Stepping out of this stage
While the other actors wait for me to be dragged out
Uncaring, eyes on the time
A minute or two of silence and the acting goes on
The acting must go on
The audience must be entertained
As death reaches out to end this unwritten story
I stare at my book not written
My songs not sung
My stories left untold
My feelings left unshared
My pictures not taken
As it flips its coins and decides my fate
Death gives me one of its rarest smiles
Another day left to live
Just another day left to wonder
When it will come to claim its part of the bargain
And as I slowly wake from this nightmare
I realize that I have nothing to offer death
Just a lot to offer life
I learnt from my conversation with death.

am i the only one who this 2012 rumor is scaring off their pants? cos im really scared. im graduating may 2012 and then someone is telling me that the world would end december 21st, 2012? they should confirm it now oh let me just drop out of school and stop wasting my parents money oh.
anyway sha, im damn scared of dying cos to be frank, noone really knows what is out there, noone knows what its like, death is like one of the great mysteries of life.
you know how in movies they usually have the main character and then the best friend? ive tried to live my life as my own leading lady and ive tried really hard not to be living my life as the bestfriend in the movie.
i try to make myself happy, i try to make sure that my happiness doesnt revolve around any human being.thats my greatest fears in relationships that i'd wake up oneday and realise that my happiness revolves around someone.
i make sure i enjoy my own company cos if i dont, who will?
i try to be nice to people and although in most cases people are not nice to me back i try to be really nice to people.
sometimes i let anger choose my words for me but i regret it as soon as i speak.
i find it really hard to apologise to people so i try my hardest to not be in the position where i have to apologise.
i dont believe that friends are indispensible, i dont allow anybody treat me like thrash just because they are my friends or claim to be my friends.
everyone i talk to or hang out with isnt necessarily a friend, many are just acquaintances, people i know or people who are fun to hang out with, few i actually call my friends.
i find it really hard to trust people, you seriously have to earn it.
telling people personal things about me is a very hard thing for me to do, and it takes a very long time for me to make close friends..i always fear that people would repeat stuff i tell them in confidence so i dont even try telling anybody anything.
i dont understand why people dont mind their own business, i mean its the easiest thing to do.
i try to live my life in a way that i wont regret when i die.
but you know the scariest part about death, the way people forget, no one in this life would die and then the world would stop moving or rotating, or people wont go on.i remember when that sosoliso air crash happened, that was one of the worst christmas ever, i knew 3/4 of the people in that plane, my mum's bestfriend's kids died in that aircrash, many people i knew, and that day it was hell in our house, we cried like there was no tomorrow and even though sometimes we remember it, its not as painful and on a normal day i dont even remember it.
see?life continues.thats the scariest part of death, oneday you will be forgotten, oneday no one is even going to know you ever lived on earth.
it was shakespeare who said that 'the world is a stage and we are all here to play our roles and exit the stage', some people never even get to finish their lines, some people never even get to step on the stage, some people get pushed off the stage, and now even when im trying to come to terms with death, ive learnt that its the way we lived that counts, not how we died, not when we die, but how we live.
its the living part that counts.
and if this world is a stage, im going to live my life like im the leading lady in this play called life.

p.s: i was talking to a friend of mine the other day and i told her that if a boy claims to have a girlfriend, and i dont even know the girl's name and ive never seen the girl before and the girl isnt a friend, an acquaintance or someone ive never set my eyes on before. then the guy is fair game to me, that as far as im concerned, he is single and if i like
so anyway, i was thinking about it after telling her this and in my own head i sounded like a bitch, so i wanted to know what you guys think. i mean am i thinking like a bitch or am i right?

~~one day your life would flash before your eyes, make sure that it is worth watching~~
~~we all die, the goal isnt to live forever, the goal is to create something that will - oscar wilde ~~
~~of all the wonders that i yet have heard
it seems to me most strange that men should fear
seeing that death, a necessary end
will come when it will come - Shakespeare ~~


Anonymous said...

I like your view on life, being the leading lady in your own life is one philosophy people tend to forget. I don't know why but the whole 2012 thing doesn't freak me out. I'm not going to let one day rule my life, especially if nobody is sure the legend is even true (I mean seriously, maybe the Mayans just ran out of stone or died or something).
The bit about a guy being fair game because you don't know his girlfriend, I'm glad it sounds weird to you too. What I've learned is that once theirs a girlfriend involved, that boy is off the market; and if he comes on to you, then he doesn't deserve either one of you.

muyiwa said...

ummm Leggy i am clapping for you here ,very touching,lol at you scaring of 2012,i ve not even seen the clip,i dont believe in that,but we need to live our lifes in the way that people will be crying and we will be rejoicing when we are gone,cos when we came to this world we cried and people rejoiced.

Smileyfreak said...

Wow that was such an intense piece of writing! :) I loved it! I think that if I guy tells you he has a gf,find out if she exists before making your move.Thanks for posting that,it was brill

Dazzle! said...

Nice! My fav post of you! Really brilliant...

I'm not freaked out about the 2012...not even a bit...thot iit was weird..but its weider to be freaked out about it I think..

About the guy bn fair game...well if he is not engaged or married, he is single, thus, he is fair game..
Sounds bitchie but it is what it is

Rene said...

i don't bliv the 2012 thing even though I've been hearing it since lyk last yr.

I don't completely agree to the guy ish bout him being fair game.

chayoma said...

this 2012 world ending rumor has been going on for God knows how long.
We will see when the time comes.
Just keep living life as a leading lady :)

Anonymous said...

Yeah I am not so sure the 2012 thing is something to worry about. I have read and heard that the planets will supposedly line up that day and that is all. It was supposed to start a new Mayan cycle is all it meant. And most scholars will admit no one has ever really been able to properly translate Nostradamas's writing.

Sounds like you are a smart young woman and I agree with Chayoma and keep living life as a leading lady!

Azazel said...

Wow. Sigh see this death thing be depressing me, that's all i seem to be able to write about everyday on my blog. Leggy go and read this book called the 'death of ivan llyich". it will change ur life. I swear.

Myne Whitman said...

This was some deep writing girl, loved the poem especially.

I heard the 2012 myth this year and then went and saw the movie. I sat and talked with SO about death. How ready I was and how I would really like to die. I doubt the myth and I've lived through a couple others so no shaking but death is real and we can't escape it.

If a guy is in a relationship, find out if it's true before shokking head. Even if you get the guy, you're just courting real drama. Me I no like drama sha.

Miss Natural said...

Lovely post leggy, too tired to do a proper commment but later, pls dont be scared of that movie. I thought it was freaking great, the special effects were wonderful. They said the world would end in 2000, 10 years down the line??? whatever is going to happen in 2012 or whenever, dont worry about it. just make sure you're at peace with God. I'll comment properlly again lol, did i not say this wud be short lol??

Gee said...

lol, so if its true, u r telling me u would drop out of skool nd strt wasting daddy's money??Lol u r the first person i am hearing this from o...pple usually say they'll strt finding God to mke heaven...heehee
but sometimes i do think that it mite just be cool sha!

--i dint even watch the movie!

Gee said...

dat doesnt mean i believe it though---i just cant be bothered.LOL

Original Mgbeke said...

Great stuff Leggy. Keep on living life the best way that you can, and whenever your time comes you know that you lived it till the fullest.
As per 2012, so not buying into that hype.

Sting said...

e don tey wey the world suppose to end naow. It was supposed to end in 1993 when i was still in primary school. People sold all their property, only for the world to keep chugging along.

My dear, enjoy everyday that God has blessed u with and stop worrying about 2012. No one is getting out of this world alive anyway, so y waste precious time worrying.

shorty said...

Nice post leggy. As for the 2012 ish i dont think its true so stop dont worry you wont waste daddy's

shorty said...

dont worry*

histreasure said...

yeah sting, remember that one o..
nad then they said 2000
and now 2012..
my take is - they'll always be end-time prophecies but i don't even listen cos no one really knows when these things will be..all these conjectures are meaningless.

and i really enjoyed reading the intense,keep taking charge of your destiny

ah, if d guy don carry him mouth tell you say him get babe,hmmm, no choke head o,i would say,put urself in the girl's place and then decide

~Sirius~ said...

LOL@ 2012

I used to be scared, but now I only I pray to fulfill my purpose before my exit.

I don't want to be on the stage and not finish my lines, or be pushed off the stage.

Aaaaah, i hope Karma doesn't bite you in the

Miss FlyHigh - LondonsNaijaQueen said...

O Leggy chill hun.

That 2012 film was excelllent , I'm def going to see it again!!!

No need to be scared hun ...and don' believe they hype about the world coming to an end ...

doll said...

anybody can die just live right so that you can partake in eternal life

Anonymous said...

I haven't heard about the 2012 thing or watched the movie(I want to believe it's a Sci-Fi).

The world is not going to end in 2012 ok! NOBODY knows the time or the hour when the son of God will return unless you are into evolution and all those stories.

Some pple frame-up things like that just to scare others. I believed such stories when I was much younger and not exposed. Since the world didn't end in 2000,I don't think anybody has any idea when it is going to happen(only God knows).

My dear, face your studies and get the best result in order to land a great job and make your self and parents proud.

blogoratti said...

Nothing to fear but fear itself..