roundups

so 2009 is almost over...i thought about doing the meme going around on blogville but 2009 wasnt my best year and i really dont want to make it feel any special by doing a whole post on it.lol.
so im just going to write totally random thoughts or stuff about this year.
- i got my very first kiss and my second kiss this year and my second kiss wasnt with the same guy.

- this year i almost got into a relationship and im so freaking glad that i didnt....and i almost got into another one yesterday and im not sure im going to.relationships are probably something i'd like to leave till after college but we'll see.

- i learnt to accept the fact that not everyone is going to like you...focus on the ones that do and stop wasting your time on the ones that dont.

- ive learnt that my opinions are just that...my opinions and i should accept the fact that most people are not going to like them but no matter what people think they are still my opinions.

- im really glad i opened a blog this year cos it has made me a much better writer and i hope the next year brings a lot more to the table. i was going through my old posts from the blog that got deleted and i realised that my most comments on a post that wasnt controversial was always whenever i wrote about 8.5.that made me smile.

- ive realised that not everyone is going to like what i write on my blog, im just going to have to focus on those that do.

- im a music freak.i listen to rock when i'm sad, i listen to christian music when im in a spiritual mood, i listen to love songs when im extremely happy otherwise i cant stand them.

- i realised this year that i dont know how to save money..i spend on useless things...i got a megavideo subscription cos i hated waiting that 54 minutes.:-(

- i absolutely love money and by God's grace im going to make lots of it.

- although this year was called the year of gaga..i seriously didnt get into her. i loved pink this year.i think this year was my year of pink, the earlier months though i loved beyonce.

- i dont understand a group of friends that gang up on one person simply because someone in that group and the person had a fall out. im the kind of person who..if you dont do anything to me then i sure as hell isnt going to hate on you simply because one of my friends has a problem with you. i cant stand people who cant think for themselves.

-my school work is always my first priority and thats just the way i want it.

- i moved into a new country in 2009 and i survived one year in it. im also absolutely glad i took summer school this year, im so getting out of college early.

- i absolutely love dallas and everyone in it. no, despite the numerous text messages ive been getting cos of my christmas fling post, i am not having a fling.

- this past semester i made a lot of friends who arent nigerian and at some point this semester, i was super glad i did.

- this past semester, i differentiated my friends from the people 'i just talk to'. and i wasnt surprised to learn that a lot of people i rolled with were just 'people i talk to'.

- this year i left facebook a whole bunch of times and came back everytime.
a friend of mine put on this status on facebook recently, i guess he was talking to his girlfriend or something, he said..'just because i flirt doesnt mean that i'm interested' and i absolutely loved it and im going to start using that.
my fave status that i put up this year was..'when a guy sweeps you off your feet, he is in the perfect position to drop you on your ass'...that status still makes me crack up.

- i learnt that a lot of people that i know read my blog and for the most parts i dont really care. people are always going to see similarities with people i talk about here and themselves and again, i seriously dont care. some people i know are going to read my blog and say..'what a nice read!' and some are going to read it and go 'what a bitch!'. either way, i seriously dont care.

thank you for everyone who has ever read my blog, commented on it..i love your comments..i think thats the absolutely best part of having a blog, having people you dont know from adam give you feedback on what you write, i thank everyone who followed my old blog and is following the new one now. thanks guys and i absolutely hope you have a nice new year.
sleep well, dont diet, eat fruit, drink water and hopefully we wont die in 2012.lol.

p.s:someone asked me about 8.5 in my last post. 8.5 is still around. next year, ill write a post about all that has happened while i was trying to put my blog back together.its so funny how im saying next year, when its just like two days away.

christmas fling

- we cannot be on first name basis. you can call me any other thing you feel like but just not my name, that breeds some kinda insane familiarity that i really dont want to have with you.

- we go out when and if i want to. you make the calls ofcourse but i get to say 'yes' or 'no'.

- you only talk to me if i acknowledge you, if i go out and see you and decide to pretend like ive never seen you in my life before then you better go along with it.

- i dont care if you have a girlfriend...dont just tell me you have one even if you do.

- dont get emotional with me..cos seriously, this is just plain fun for me and i dont want any attachments after this.

- dont ever call me..you can only text me to tell me where and when to meet you and thats it. this is no relationship..its a fling.

- this is called a fling..so when i feel like ive been flung hard enough...then you can scooch.

- no stolen kisses...thats just for lovers.

- no christmas gifts, boxing day gifts...im not spending a dime on you and i'd really appreciate it if you didnt make me feel guilty by spending some on me.

- restaurants are not really a place to have a fling..i mean...that encourages conversation and that breeds familiartiy...a club..now thats a good place i can get 'flung' at.

- i don't want to meet your friends and you are definitely never going to meet mine.

- dont ask me to go to church with you..i already feel guilty already, im not going to the house of God and flaunting it there.

- if you think taking me to church and talking sweetly about your mum will make me think of what a sweet boy you are, forget it..ive met sweeter people.

- this rendezvous will be that part of my life i'd look back on and think..'ooh,that ended well'.

- when i leave...it ends on that day. i dont want to see your number on my phone..no calls..no messages...no nothing.

- if i meet you somewhere else..we behave like new acquaintances.

now, if you can just take the pen and sign the damn contract then we can be on our way to a very memorable christmas fling.

p.s: if there is any breach whatsoever in our contract...i get to humiliate you..you really dont want to be subjected to my kind of humiliation.

no, im not getting flung..just wondering what it will be like to give myself a little gift for being so good this year, since father christmas doesnt seem to be doing his job properly.lol.kidding oh!!!

merry christmas folks.

on a whole other matter, nigerians need to get off cnn and change the channel and stop acting all guilty..im tired of talking to friends and they start telling me about the nigerian bomber...bitch, i have something better to discuss with you. the guy's father warned the US embassy and they ignored him...they ignored a whole former ist bank chairman.seriously?
now that this shit has happened..they now have a whole bunch of crap to say and nigerians are buying into it..seriously.nigerians need to learn to stop caring about things like this...the boy didnt even go to school in nigeria..he wasnt even living there, the bastard sneaked into nigeria just to use his passport... and nigerians are acting all guilty. abeg, noone else should call my phone asking if ive heard about the bomber...im seriously going to curse the next fool that'd do that.

excerpts

12/25/1990:
daddy just gave me a diary for christmas.watched a movie where the girl kept writing in her diary for soooo long and i decided to try writing in mine.i love my diary, he gave me a pink and white one just like in the movie i watched.i love my daddy so very much.happy christmas dear diary.

1/17/1991:
i just turned 11.im sorry i havent been writing in you.i never knew writing in a diary would be so hard. nothing ever happens anyway and i didnt have anything interesting to write.happy birthday to me.

05/27/1991:
i passed my federal common entrance exam. my parents are so happy, i made 530.im so proud of myself. im really glad i passed because i never even read. im hoping i pass all my private school entrance exams coming up, i really dont want to go to a boarding school.im going to miss my parents.

05/30/1991:
being an only child is so hard..they give me too much attention.and it doesnt help that im a girl.when they look at me, i think they wish i came out a boy.

08/19/1991:
the holidays are almost over, im about to start secondary school.im so excited. my mum is a doctor but my dad is an engineer. i dont know what i want to be in the future.they frown when i say a teacher.

09/30/1992:
im in jss2 now, i think i want to be an engineer, i know they wish i were a boy and my friend said that boys follow in their daddy's footsteps.im going to be an engineer.

11/11/1994:
i think kalu likes me a lot, he keeps staring at me in class and people are noticing.
i like him too even though i can never admit it to my friends, he is very cute and smart. until he gets serious i dont need anything distracting my studies. im smart and i love being smart.

01/15/1996:
daddy wants me to go abroad and study engineering. he thinks it will be better.me, i just want to leave this smothering place.my mum cries a lot when we talk about me going abroad. i see the pride in my dad's eyes when we talk about it though....i dont think he misses having a boy anymore.

09/17/1999:
im a junior in college and i have a cummulative g.p.a of 3.85 but i hate my course.i cant stand it, im only doing this because of the pride i hear in my dad's voice when i talk to him , because of how he brags to friends and colleagues about me. i hate engineering.

03/07/2005:
nigeria is plain frustrating, the roads, the horns, i just feel like shouting for the people to just stop and give me silence for a little while.but i still love it here.i love the people, i love how the conductor insults you even while you are seated in your own car without even thinking for one second how rich you are, i love how the people have this hope that never dies, this 'e go better' attitude that just make them plain beautiful. i love home.

04/25/2005:
its so frustrating when people imply that i only got this job because i am my father's daughter...which is part of the reason i got this job in the first place but i am also very qualified to do this job. ive been working here for so long, i didnt think they still had a problem with a woman running this game.nigerian men!!
i seriously need to bath, im smelling of hot sweat.

09/19/2006:
when i started writing these diaries, i thought i'd be talking about my husband and my kids by this time in my life...im 26. but no, no man, no kid.no nothing.im so lonely.the silence in this huge house scares me.

09/29/2006:
they never tell you that oneday the rose coloured rims that God gives you after making you is going to get knocked out after sometime. i had so much dreams for myself...boyfriend by 22, married by 24, pop out all the kids before 30.
when i look at kids on the street, i secretly smile and i feel like going up to them and yelling..'stop dreaming!!its a waste of time'.

12/25/2008:
flings.no boyfriends.
merry christmas dear diary.

12/27/2008:
dont these village people get tired of asking me when ill tie the knot..i feel like tying that stupid proverbial knot around their stupid necks. i feel very angry right now.

12/31/2008:
im not looking forward to the new year.i never thought i;d ever say that.
new year=another birthday.
daddy doesnt care that im single.
but its killing mum.

1/17/2009:
29?
29?
29?
29+1 = 30?
i feel sad.

04/05/2009:
lifes good.im happy.
this world feels like a dance ritual to me and i cant keep dancing to that bit.
they pop you out, educate you, you find work, find husband, make kids and the dance starts again.

09/30/2009:
i feel happy.

10/11/2009:
i feel content.

12/12/2009:
im going to make the best of next year.im not look forward to the big 30. but im alive arent i?

excerpts from her diary.

p.s:this is a fictional work. it has nothing to do with anyone i know or me.

this has been in my archives for sooo long, i thought i might as well publish it.

p.s:people need to stop tagging me in pictures on facebook, if im not on there dont tag me, i hate getting multiple notifications for useless things.

voices in my head

ive been doing a lot of thinking lately.things to do, things not to do in the upcoming year and you know what i just decided this morning...i dont care anymore, im just going to let 2010 take its course and just go with the flow.

if you havent seen avatar yet, im not talking to you again.lol.
that movie is the ish, be sure to see it in 3-D.
james cameron is the ish men.
cant believe he made this movie in more than 3years!!3 years?!
thats dedication right thurr mehn.
i loved it and i hope he gets another oscar for this movie.
and i want him to say.'im the king of the world' in his oscar acceptance speech again.
cos mehn, he really is!!at least in the world of sci-fi.

ive been waiting for my dad to send me my christmas shopping present.
i need to shop my ass off.
i love dallas mehn.
i feel like just staying here and not going back to my school.
ha ha ha.if wishes were horses...

so i deleted a lot of numbers from my phone recently
just a bunch of people i dont want to enter 2010 with.
baggage i definitely im done carrying.

i thought about home a lot this weekend.
i miss it a lot.
i just want to go home and eat rice and chicken on christmas day.
sigh!!
my elder sister just graduated from college
im so proud of her.

i hate it when people ask me if i dont want to get married.
marriage is something that will happen if it will happen
its not an institution that is an attractive venture for me.
well, unless someone pays me to marry them...that'd be super cool.
im 18, marriage is a thought that barely crosses my mind.
ill cross that bridge when im done living my life and feel like i need an extra hobby.

i hate it when people put 'lol' after insulting you.
and when you call them out on it they act like your the one who doesnt get the joke.
douche bags.
and why will you say something that you definitely know will offend me
and then you think saying 'no offence' will justify what you just said.
ha!!i pity the next fool that will say that to me.
lol..empty threats, i really need to stop that in 2010.
ill soon get into trouble for telling people ill beat them up
when they are like 100pounds heavier than i am.

im done with the obnoxious people in my life.
those people who insult you behind you and pretend to be cool infront of you.
cant stand them anymore.
there is a difference between being confident and arrogant.
people seriously need to start getting over themselves.

i retreat.
thats what i always do when i get fed up of the self-importance of people around me.
i retreat and stay alone.
i dont get fed up of being with me.
i love my own company a lot more than i love any other person's.

i miss a friend of mine that went to nigeria.
i miss her insults even though i tell her its plain disrespectful the way she talks to people.
shes smart too and isnt obnoxious about it.
im going to miss her sister too when she graduates.

a friend of mine is spending mad money on her bf.
a bf who has never given her a dime.
who treats her like thrash.
shes about to buy him these pair of jordans that arent even out yet.
i mind my own business.
she says shes in love.
okay, good for her.
im not even tripping.
im just kinda jealous...of the boyfriend.
i wish there was a guy out there i could treat like thrash and he'd still spend mad cash on me.sigh.

dont forget to read the interactive story coming up on the myne whitman blog.
the next contribution is by me.
hope you guys love it.
have a beautiful christmas and an ass kicking new year.
thanks for the comments, the followers and everything.

p.s:i met leslie's boyfriend's friend on saturday night, thats tori for a whole new day.

murder thoughts

my friends think im picky...with guys.
i dont think im picky.i just think i cant wrap my head round the relationship stuff.
my friends should really limit their boyfriend stories to the honey moon stage, all the other stuff horror stories should never be told to a single friend.
so, yeah.back to picky.
most of my friends dont think i want to be single, they think im just picky. and everytime i start talking to a guy they start getting excited. and within a couple of months when the boy asks me out and i say no, i avoid their calls because THEY are the ones who get broken hearted, THEY are the one who i have to talk through the process of letting the guy go..sigh.
my friend leslie asked me yesterday:' leggy, arent you scared that one day all these boys who have been asking you out will stop coming and then you'd be alone with your cats?'
and i said...'but do i live in a mansion?'.
im not taking the fact that men dont hold my interest for that long lightly...leslie said i need a psychiatrist, berry says..well, berry doesnt say anything at all, yeah i think berry just has more things to worry about than my love life.

leslie has the low down on me.according to her..
'leggy, i think you just like the attention these guys give you, you dont actually like them. if you go out more often and get your nose out of your books once in a while you'd probably have more fun.'
now i could tone out leslie, but it doesnt help that im in dallas with her, sharing a bed with her, so whenever she gets this 'great idea' on how to 'cure' me, she turns around..WAKES ME UP and gives me the low down of the 'great idea' she just got.

now, i love my friend leslie but sometimes i feel like hitting her in the head with something huge. i used to hear that when your friends get hooked up they want everyone around them as happy as they are but leslie has an obsession.

her greatest fear is not getting married...my greatest fear is being poor.
give me money any day baby.leslie says im a money whore..i wont even lie i loveeeeeeeeeeeeeeee money, i cant imagine what it feels like to grow up poor and i seriously dont want to know.
thats why i study hard sweetie, so that when i grow up(ha ha ha), there will be no passengers on my plane hun.

this is a very scattered post, id prolly come back and do a new one..but its 4:19am and leslie just finished reading my textmessages and yabbing about how i never reply text messages that that is why i will remain single all my life.
she said ill make a horrible girlfriend(a fact im def not denying)...she said ill soon get ugly and no man would want me(ooh, baby i know), she said that when i get older my long legs will disappear, im going to get fat and my fresh face will be filled with pimples...sigh.
she is driving me crazy....she is tryng to convince me to meet her boyfriend's friend here in dallas...who i know ill not like.granted...i havent met him and i dont know what he is like or what he looks like but i have this gut feeling that im not going to like him....i dont like her bf, why will i like his friend?
**i just said i dont like her bf cos my friend is psycho.i dont even know the boy.

this post is so scattered cos i dont think you write coherently when you are having murder thoughts.

3 kinds of people

as i walked along the road in the quiet beautiful night
the darkness seemed very soothing and the stars sure came out to play.
i heard a high note scream pierce the night
and as the wind didnt change course, the night remained beautiful
so i thought...Oooh, that must be a familiar sound to them.
so i continued walking far far down the streets of Congo.
a war was going on and you could taste the suffering in the air
the scream pierced the night again
this time followed by footsteps.
a lover's play?
i stopped and slowly turned around as he pushed her.
i freeze for a moment.
a father-daughter play?
as she struggled to get up from beneath him
he slapped her and proceeded to remove his belt
a father punishing his child?
i tried so hard to justify it
but he was taking off his clothes
ive never heard of a dad removing his shirt to punish a daughter
oh well, maybe its a culture here.
a sign of seriousness.??
but she screamed again.
he tore at her clothes and she screamed even louder
and i just stood there
transfixed on this ugly scene.
her screams made him even happier
he had this absurd look of esctacy on his face
and as he plunged his penis into the little girl who couldnt be more than 9
metaphors feel my head
the penis seared her like a sword
killing her integrity
her chance at self esteem
and i stood there and did nothing.
the girl's screams rose again filling the night.
and with every thrust,
with every thrust,
he ruined a little girl's life
with every thrust he became less human
with every thrust...
and as the girl slowly slipped into oblivion.
i looked around me wondering if noone had seen that and thought to stop it
and behold there was a crowd.
and as the man arose, dressed up and kicked the girl's lifeless body.
we all turn and walked away
as if we had just been in the theater
as if we were all saying
the show is over
and as i walked away with that girl's picture in my head
i thought...'one more person noone was willing to save'
and then i thought
noone?
you were right there
you could have done something
and as the drunken state cleared from my eye
i thought of the words of the great writer, speaker and nigerian chris abani:
'my name is leggy and i've been human and sober for a day'.

i read Azazel's blog..i want to link it but im just too lazy right now, he talked about the rapings in congo and i wondered why i had never even heard the news. but i thought to myself...'you never even watch the news'.so basically i read blogs for current events cos T.V is really not my fort. so thank you for educating me azazel.
when i read the stories, i told my friends...'mehn i would take corruption any day oh'.

i was watching a nigerian movie..'cindy's note' after reading that and there was a quote in the movie that i loved.
'there are 3 kinds of people, the first group sees something wrong and does and says nothing about it, the second group sees something wrong talks about it and does nothing about it, the third group sees something wrong talks about it and does something about it'.
so i talked about it and here is my doing something about it:

i found a charity that helps the congolese.

so thats a charity that works in the Congo area, you can donate 50dollars to them and save a little girl's life and even if you cant afford it, you can split it with friends or something.
p.s: you are not obligated to.
p.p.s: i finished my exams yesterday, cant wait to get to Dallas.
p.p.p.s: was talking to a friend and she told me that rapists usually get their satisfaction through their victim's screams so i also incorporated that into this story so i guess i have her to thank for that.
hope you guys are having a great finals week.
off to do blog runs.

guilty

RIP to the people who died in the sosoliso aircrash.
i feel so guilty that i didnt remember.
i feel so guilty that the pain is nolonger there.
i remember when their dad called my dad to let him know that there was a plane crash.
that day i cried like i would never recover.
but now i barely even remember them.
and is it selfish of me to be grateful that no matter how close we were to the okafors my parents never let us go to loyola?
thats all i could think about when i remembered.
and i feel so guilty for that.
RIP chidinma, zikora, the mbas, chidera and many other people that i cant think of.
i sure hope that you are in a better place.
i sure do.

a letter to the future

dear leggy-in-the-future,

im writing this with the hope that the world really didnt end in 2012 and that that day came and went without any hitches, so if this letter gets to you in good health in the year 2013 then i thank God for that.
so 21 huh? i hope you grew into a lovely young woman with a good head on your shoulders, hope you found a good job and maybe a boyfriend?no? did you suddenly discover that you are gay?gosh!i hope not, cos the time i spent ogling the boys in my maths class hopefully didnt go in vain.
or maybe boys are no longer needed, maybe robots are now the thing in vogue, ads on ebay and bids going on at the malls for them? 2 for $4.99? that cheap? or can only the rich afford it?be careful oh, there was a movie in my time that was acted about those things, they are planning to take over the world so be careful.

so i bet you are wondering why you have no assets, no breasts, no ass.sigh.
i wondered the same thing too and i always prayed that i was going to sleep and wake up oneday and discover that i suddenly grew one but since that obviously didnt happen in 2013 either, i guess you can just forget about it too.sigh.unless ofcourse they have one of those 'grow it yourself' chemicals there, i mean they dont have any now and there are so many side effects to today's drugs that you cant really trust anything.

how are all those stds? yeah, they were a real monster in my day, i bet aids is now like some sort of cough to you people and when you'd get it you'd just write a status on facebook saying that you've got AIDS and everyone will say sorry and you'd go to the pharmacy down the road and buy a drug without any prescription and the next day you are negative again...sigh.that'd be so cool, and do you guys still have facebook or has something cooler taken over...i knew it was bound to happen.sigh.

and please dont date any guy whose name starts with the first five letters, i think they are nothing but trouble but that doesnt mean that if a handsome rich man knocks on your door with those letters you shouldnt open up , i mean ive thought you better, you should be able to know all the exceptions to my rule.

are you married? i'd be suprised if you are cos marriage isnt something i am interested in indulging in, so if you are you changed your mind?huh?hmm...i hope this dude is really worth it cos all these cheating ass men in my days just make me wanna puke.
ohhh, so there is now a law against cheating huh?ahhhh, 45 years in jail eh?wow, that'd be so cool if that is really true in your day.

any kids? thats really the only advantage i see in that institution called marriage?
how is mummy and daddy in your day? daddy still loud and crazy? age didnt mellow that old man out?seriously?wow, i wonder how he keeps up with all his thoughts. he is still acting like the perfect husband and father huh? you guys havent caught him cheating yet eh? maybe ill like him a little, i mean if you do catch him cheating, i really recommend blackmail cos mummy and me and all my sisters in this day think he is one in a million, so if you do catch him cheating get some money from him.

gone to france yet?no?wow, you are still a loser?what a surprise!!NOT!!still hiding under mummy's pants?
i sure hope you are atleast rich cos if you are not i'd better start praying for the world to end oh, cos ive always prided on the fact that im going to live the good life!

hooked up with love yet?damn word still used as a generic there? have they added any more body parts to that word yet?
i mean in my day, it had eyes cos according to them it is blind, it had wings cos according to them it could fly away at any time, it even has legs sef cos sometimes it doesnt have the time to fly the thing just kuku run away.it even has a heart cos according to them love feels. so have they discovered that it has a head yet?maybe a penis?you know i wont be surprised if love is male, ive always had this feeling about it.

i really have so much to say but im afraid ive gotta go study for my finals..i mean if i dont read those books you wont get to make any money. ill catch up with you later, ofcourse thats if the earth doesnt end in 2012.

p.s: i was so bored at work today so i wrote this.crappy i know!!sigh,what more can i say?

p.p.s: goodluck on your finals, mine end on thursday and then its off to dallas!!!