Tuesday, December 22, 2009
daddy just gave me a diary for christmas.watched a movie where the girl kept writing in her diary for soooo long and i decided to try writing in mine.i love my diary, he gave me a pink and white one just like in the movie i watched.i love my daddy so very much.happy christmas dear diary.
i just turned 11.im sorry i havent been writing in you.i never knew writing in a diary would be so hard. nothing ever happens anyway and i didnt have anything interesting to write.happy birthday to me.
i passed my federal common entrance exam. my parents are so happy, i made 530.im so proud of myself. im really glad i passed because i never even read. im hoping i pass all my private school entrance exams coming up, i really dont want to go to a boarding school.im going to miss my parents.
being an only child is so hard..they give me too much attention.and it doesnt help that im a girl.when they look at me, i think they wish i came out a boy.
the holidays are almost over, im about to start secondary school.im so excited. my mum is a doctor but my dad is an engineer. i dont know what i want to be in the future.they frown when i say a teacher.
im in jss2 now, i think i want to be an engineer, i know they wish i were a boy and my friend said that boys follow in their daddy's footsteps.im going to be an engineer.
i think kalu likes me a lot, he keeps staring at me in class and people are noticing.
i like him too even though i can never admit it to my friends, he is very cute and smart. until he gets serious i dont need anything distracting my studies. im smart and i love being smart.
daddy wants me to go abroad and study engineering. he thinks it will be better.me, i just want to leave this smothering place.my mum cries a lot when we talk about me going abroad. i see the pride in my dad's eyes when we talk about it though....i dont think he misses having a boy anymore.
im a junior in college and i have a cummulative g.p.a of 3.85 but i hate my course.i cant stand it, im only doing this because of the pride i hear in my dad's voice when i talk to him , because of how he brags to friends and colleagues about me. i hate engineering.
nigeria is plain frustrating, the roads, the horns, i just feel like shouting for the people to just stop and give me silence for a little while.but i still love it here.i love the people, i love how the conductor insults you even while you are seated in your own car without even thinking for one second how rich you are, i love how the people have this hope that never dies, this 'e go better' attitude that just make them plain beautiful. i love home.
its so frustrating when people imply that i only got this job because i am my father's daughter...which is part of the reason i got this job in the first place but i am also very qualified to do this job. ive been working here for so long, i didnt think they still had a problem with a woman running this game.nigerian men!!
i seriously need to bath, im smelling of hot sweat.
when i started writing these diaries, i thought i'd be talking about my husband and my kids by this time in my life...im 26. but no, no man, no kid.no nothing.im so lonely.the silence in this huge house scares me.
they never tell you that oneday the rose coloured rims that God gives you after making you is going to get knocked out after sometime. i had so much dreams for myself...boyfriend by 22, married by 24, pop out all the kids before 30.
when i look at kids on the street, i secretly smile and i feel like going up to them and yelling..'stop dreaming!!its a waste of time'.
merry christmas dear diary.
dont these village people get tired of asking me when ill tie the knot..i feel like tying that stupid proverbial knot around their stupid necks. i feel very angry right now.
im not looking forward to the new year.i never thought i;d ever say that.
new year=another birthday.
daddy doesnt care that im single.
but its killing mum.
29+1 = 30?
i feel sad.
lifes good.im happy.
this world feels like a dance ritual to me and i cant keep dancing to that bit.
they pop you out, educate you, you find work, find husband, make kids and the dance starts again.
i feel happy.
i feel content.
im going to make the best of next year.im not look forward to the big 30. but im alive arent i?
excerpts from her diary.
p.s:this is a fictional work. it has nothing to do with anyone i know or me.
this has been in my archives for sooo long, i thought i might as well publish it.
p.s:people need to stop tagging me in pictures on facebook, if im not on there dont tag me, i hate getting multiple notifications for useless things.