Tuesday, January 26, 2010

just so you know


to the babies that i am going to give birth to some time in the future by God's grace.
lets start with the holidays.
- christmas - no, there is no white man running around nigeria giving gifts on christmas day...no, i will not lie and tell you that there is one either.if you are lucky and im in such good mood and for a reason that im still trying to figure out i decide to buy you guys gifts for christmas..you will know quite alright that mummy spent her hard earned money to buy you those gifts.
if for any reason which i still havent figured out, i end up raising a family in this country..then it is your duty to go around bursting your classmates' bubbles and telling them the truth about santa claus.
no, he doesnt exist.no, you do not have a chimney so how exactly did santa claus come on christmas day...no your parents ate the cookies and glass of milk...and yes, go and thank your parents for the gifts and stop yelling about how santa claus got you just what you wanted.

- curfew: my curfew was 6pm in the evening and this post is being written cos hopefully, i get to raise my kids in nigeria. your butt should be home before six and you only get to go out on weekends and when i say weekends you should know that i only mean on saturday. no, i am not being strict..i just want you to learn how to sit your butt at home and not be jumping from one house to another like your own father's house is pursuing you.

-easter: easter is the time in which we celebrate the fact that Jesus died for our sins.no, we will not be doing any egg hunts.egg hunts?EGG HUNTS? you better not touch my eggs..you will jejely eat my fried rice and chicken, go to church and go to sleep. and no there is not easter bunny...you see rabbits all the time..do they look like they are designed to serve as an easter father christmas?didnt think so too.

- tooth fairy: you will not be finding money under your pillows, so yeah, do not litter my house with those milk teeth. no fairy is coming to our house cos first of all, all the windows as you know are going to be closed and im sitting here in front of my laptop trying to figure out how exactly that woman is going to come into my house. if for any reason she manages to get into the house..the house alarm is def going off and the police is so coming to get her ass!
im thinking that whoever started the story of a tooth fairy is possibly a huge pediphile...what the hell are you doing in a little kid's room in the night and then proceed to give them money for what exactly?

you are grounded!- what the heck are you getting grounded for? my dear you are getting some good old fashioned beating. i didnt kill my mother and you are so not going to kill me. i dont want you to end up being one of those disturbed individuals that show up on dr. phil to air their dirty linens in public. no sire.
i first give you the eye first= you ignore me
i shout at you= you mouth off at me
then you are so going to get your ass beaten. and ofcourse your dad is so going to hear about it!!

grades: this is one that we are so going to discuss when i see you in a couple of years...start preparing and reading now cos you are seriously going to be smart....you will need it.

- just finished my chE homework and decided to write a post cos im going to be really busy and i might not have the time to write a post any time soon.
- so these are some of the things im so not going to let my kids believe in or do...tell me one thing-you have to tell me just one thing, so choose well-that you cant let your kids ever do under your watch.

best fb status: a breakup is like a broken mirror, its better to leave it broken than to get hurt trying to fix it.
2.) After Monday(M) and Tuesday(T), even the week asks WTF?

have a great week ahead...i do wish you a fruitful week.
study hard and work hard oh...we need those grades to start making that money soon(he he he, sweetness).:-)dont diet.

35 comments:

beautiful said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
beautiful said...

In Nigeria
No boys in the room!
No makeup in secondary school, infact not till after S.S3!
No partying all night even in university!
No alcohol in my house!
No pornography!
You must all have a kolo (piggy bank) and i'll def teach how to save from a young age!
No talking back at dad, don't even think about talking back at mum cos i'll design your body with my palm!

Outta Nigeria:
No way mehn, aint raising my kids in some foreign land where Child Services will come knocking wen i'm TRAINING them to be respectful and serious....lol

Neo said...

ahn ahn! thats all the gems of childhood taken away...lol. i had a magical childhood so i'll def try and recreate for mine.

NUMBER ONE RULE: No video games, no way, ive seen kids act retarded cos of those things, the best i can do is a Vtech or smth but PS or Nintendo or Xbox is way out...and yeah no teletubbies!

Timlou_x said...

THIRD!!! I've never been third, or any number worth remembering for that matter. Yay! Okay, to the comment. No boys whatsoever in my house, and no two-pieces or tattoos EVER! Lol...I'm even wondering whether the girls can get piercings sef...lol...

The Girl with the Red Hair said...

Lol...love the post. No boys/girls in the rooms, curfew at 5, no porn and tatoos are a serious No

JuaNita said...

"you better not touch my eggs..you will jejely eat my fried rice and chicken" Mehn that's their childhood over..hehe. Lool @ the tooth fairy, this so hilarious can't she magically pop up anywhere? Does she really need dem windows?, funny write up!

~Sirius~ said...

what!
Loving them FB status mhen! so true.

LOL@ your rules....i hope they still stand by the time mummy(you) looks at cute little (name your baby) and your heart melts.........

On 2nd thoughts.....those rules are how I grew up, so....no beating sha....i was a good girl.....lol, my siblings sha chopped enough. I was too afraid.

~Sirius~ said...

Haba! just read the other comments....lol

Please oh! Video games allowed, I had so much fun with those.

6pm home! No excuses.

Mummy's word is Final!

~B~ said...

ROFL!!! I died @ the 'pedophile-tooth-fairy', u may actually b on to sumthin here..lool...we pretty much hav d same ideas on wat NOT t let kids do..."You r grounded" my ass, HAVIN a room to urslf is a luxury!

Andrea said...

This is too funny...

NikkiSho said...

love the post.dis are mine:
Never wear clothes that reveal d parts meant for ur eyes only (girls).
no drinking or SMOKING.
learn to spend wisely i work so hard for it.
No pornography.
dont talk back at me (never ever).
you should know how to do household chores(especially female children.
respect people older than you and you must never call me by my first name.
and most importantly they MUST know/fear GOD

i like the fb status

neefemi said...

loved the post.....there are no rules other than we are going to church every sunday, except u r about to die...

Fragilelooks said...

hahahahahha leggy. well its always good to plan ahead of time.

juiceegal said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
juiceegal said...

They are kids, and so they are allowed to believe in the fantasy world where Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy exists. Didn't you eventually find out they don't exist??? Same way they will too when the time is right.
Being too strict on children stifles them and they end up turning out worse. I'm sure as you grow older you'll realise that this is not the best way to bring up kids, and i really wanna believe that you put up this post just for jokes.

Formerly stealth reader said...

i say during christmas or easter or whenever, whoever gives you money, you must say "no thankyou sir" then after much prodding to accept, you will say "thankyou" tell mummy what you got and hand over to mummy for "safe keeping" ;)

i am not grounding you o, the closest i will come to grounding you, is putting you in a naughty corner (time out) when you are small, best believe me when you turn 5 its on!!!!!!!!!!!!!

leggy said...

@juicegal::I never believed in all those fantasy stuff and this post is obviously just for jokes.

Myne Whitman said...

You WILL help around the house and NO, I WILL NOT PAY YOU!

Nice post, lol...

shorty said...

Nice,i love your rules but you strict small o.lol

Lol @ FB status.

Sir Scribbles II said...

AHA!!!! ok i'm a bit confused. is dis d same blog? Leggychukwu i missed ur u oooo. oya shey u'll forgive me? u have to cos I came back crawling nd begging lol. But u sef do u want to kill ur kids? u r/wiil be rather strict u know.

SHE said...

These here look like some tough rules!
And I like the comment on No video games. I subscribe to that.

F and M said...

LOL! "As if your own father's house is pursuing you"... lmao... True talk men... My mates are going to a party in a club, my yansh! Glue your ass to that seat! LOL... I feel u o, Leggy... After my parents busted their asses to get me a good education and I payed the favour forward unto you, you want to disregard all that ass busting and thank Santa who??? There will be problems...


As for school work or whatever that's keeping you busy until you get back... Good luck :)

Mr.Funnyhoneymoney said...

Lal well my parents never fed me the santa stuff sha as for the rules 1. Do everything just as i say
2. Any further problems please refer to no.1
3. If we get to this then there's gon be some ass whopping.

Lal @neefemi

Rene said...

Please oh! video games help the brain so they are def allowed.

My one and only rule for my kids: You are totally free to do whatever as long as you don't mind the end result <<< that should cover everything.

Leggychukwu, your rules are too strict oh!

Ebony~!* said...

LOOL leggy ahn ahn! abeg now your children will be scaling fence to go to the neighbours house o! be easy abeg! lol

naijaprincess234 said...

omg....Leggy i am adapting this rules 4 my future kids...

Repressed One said...

LOL!! This was very funny...omo even in naija bad kids are raised. We just hope and pray they do our bidding.

Blowing Blessings Your Way said...

lol...not bad at all...keep it real jare!

Larom said...

This is serious...would be able to stick with them when you hold those tiny lil bundle in your hands. Love the post.

muyiwa said...

laughing at your facebook status

2cute4u said...

hahahahahaha.. what got into you this time eh?nice one though.. as for the spanking.. in naija o or abroad., my kids misbehave?i will spank you to number nonsense period!
fine talk, all you said..
www.askchacha4free.blogspot.com

Original Mgbeke said...

LOL, the funny things that kids believe. Nice one though. Ah 6pm curfew na die o.

Imoteda said...

Why must you ruin childhood now? Let the kids enjoy father christmas and easter and all of that lol. Though I have never mentioned Santa Claus to my child. Still on the fence about that lol

BSNC said...

lol you will be a great mom. good luck with your homework.

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