roundups

so 2009 is almost over...i thought about doing the meme going around on blogville but 2009 wasnt my best year and i really dont want to make it feel any special by doing a whole post on it.lol.
so im just going to write totally random thoughts or stuff about this year.
- i got my very first kiss and my second kiss this year and my second kiss wasnt with the same guy.

- this year i almost got into a relationship and im so freaking glad that i didnt....and i almost got into another one yesterday and im not sure im going to.relationships are probably something i'd like to leave till after college but we'll see.

- i learnt to accept the fact that not everyone is going to like you...focus on the ones that do and stop wasting your time on the ones that dont.

- ive learnt that my opinions are just that...my opinions and i should accept the fact that most people are not going to like them but no matter what people think they are still my opinions.

- im really glad i opened a blog this year cos it has made me a much better writer and i hope the next year brings a lot more to the table. i was going through my old posts from the blog that got deleted and i realised that my most comments on a post that wasnt controversial was always whenever i wrote about 8.5.that made me smile.

- ive realised that not everyone is going to like what i write on my blog, im just going to have to focus on those that do.

- im a music freak.i listen to rock when i'm sad, i listen to christian music when im in a spiritual mood, i listen to love songs when im extremely happy otherwise i cant stand them.

- i realised this year that i dont know how to save money..i spend on useless things...i got a megavideo subscription cos i hated waiting that 54 minutes.:-(

- i absolutely love money and by God's grace im going to make lots of it.

- although this year was called the year of gaga..i seriously didnt get into her. i loved pink this year.i think this year was my year of pink, the earlier months though i loved beyonce.

- i dont understand a group of friends that gang up on one person simply because someone in that group and the person had a fall out. im the kind of person who..if you dont do anything to me then i sure as hell isnt going to hate on you simply because one of my friends has a problem with you. i cant stand people who cant think for themselves.

-my school work is always my first priority and thats just the way i want it.

- i moved into a new country in 2009 and i survived one year in it. im also absolutely glad i took summer school this year, im so getting out of college early.

- i absolutely love dallas and everyone in it. no, despite the numerous text messages ive been getting cos of my christmas fling post, i am not having a fling.

- this past semester i made a lot of friends who arent nigerian and at some point this semester, i was super glad i did.

- this past semester, i differentiated my friends from the people 'i just talk to'. and i wasnt surprised to learn that a lot of people i rolled with were just 'people i talk to'.

- this year i left facebook a whole bunch of times and came back everytime.
a friend of mine put on this status on facebook recently, i guess he was talking to his girlfriend or something, he said..'just because i flirt doesnt mean that i'm interested' and i absolutely loved it and im going to start using that.
my fave status that i put up this year was..'when a guy sweeps you off your feet, he is in the perfect position to drop you on your ass'...that status still makes me crack up.

- i learnt that a lot of people that i know read my blog and for the most parts i dont really care. people are always going to see similarities with people i talk about here and themselves and again, i seriously dont care. some people i know are going to read my blog and say..'what a nice read!' and some are going to read it and go 'what a bitch!'. either way, i seriously dont care.

thank you for everyone who has ever read my blog, commented on it..i love your comments..i think thats the absolutely best part of having a blog, having people you dont know from adam give you feedback on what you write, i thank everyone who followed my old blog and is following the new one now. thanks guys and i absolutely hope you have a nice new year.
sleep well, dont diet, eat fruit, drink water and hopefully we wont die in 2012.lol.

p.s:someone asked me about 8.5 in my last post. 8.5 is still around. next year, ill write a post about all that has happened while i was trying to put my blog back together.its so funny how im saying next year, when its just like two days away.

christmas fling

- we cannot be on first name basis. you can call me any other thing you feel like but just not my name, that breeds some kinda insane familiarity that i really dont want to have with you.

- we go out when and if i want to. you make the calls ofcourse but i get to say 'yes' or 'no'.

- you only talk to me if i acknowledge you, if i go out and see you and decide to pretend like ive never seen you in my life before then you better go along with it.

- i dont care if you have a girlfriend...dont just tell me you have one even if you do.

- dont get emotional with me..cos seriously, this is just plain fun for me and i dont want any attachments after this.

- dont ever call me..you can only text me to tell me where and when to meet you and thats it. this is no relationship..its a fling.

- this is called a fling..so when i feel like ive been flung hard enough...then you can scooch.

- no stolen kisses...thats just for lovers.

- no christmas gifts, boxing day gifts...im not spending a dime on you and i'd really appreciate it if you didnt make me feel guilty by spending some on me.

- restaurants are not really a place to have a fling..i mean...that encourages conversation and that breeds familiartiy...a club..now thats a good place i can get 'flung' at.

- i don't want to meet your friends and you are definitely never going to meet mine.

- dont ask me to go to church with you..i already feel guilty already, im not going to the house of God and flaunting it there.

- if you think taking me to church and talking sweetly about your mum will make me think of what a sweet boy you are, forget it..ive met sweeter people.

- this rendezvous will be that part of my life i'd look back on and think..'ooh,that ended well'.

- when i leave...it ends on that day. i dont want to see your number on my phone..no calls..no messages...no nothing.

- if i meet you somewhere else..we behave like new acquaintances.

now, if you can just take the pen and sign the damn contract then we can be on our way to a very memorable christmas fling.

p.s: if there is any breach whatsoever in our contract...i get to humiliate you..you really dont want to be subjected to my kind of humiliation.

no, im not getting flung..just wondering what it will be like to give myself a little gift for being so good this year, since father christmas doesnt seem to be doing his job properly.lol.kidding oh!!!

merry christmas folks.

on a whole other matter, nigerians need to get off cnn and change the channel and stop acting all guilty..im tired of talking to friends and they start telling me about the nigerian bomber...bitch, i have something better to discuss with you. the guy's father warned the US embassy and they ignored him...they ignored a whole former ist bank chairman.seriously?
now that this shit has happened..they now have a whole bunch of crap to say and nigerians are buying into it..seriously.nigerians need to learn to stop caring about things like this...the boy didnt even go to school in nigeria..he wasnt even living there, the bastard sneaked into nigeria just to use his passport... and nigerians are acting all guilty. abeg, noone else should call my phone asking if ive heard about the bomber...im seriously going to curse the next fool that'd do that.

excerpts

12/25/1990:
daddy just gave me a diary for christmas.watched a movie where the girl kept writing in her diary for soooo long and i decided to try writing in mine.i love my diary, he gave me a pink and white one just like in the movie i watched.i love my daddy so very much.happy christmas dear diary.

1/17/1991:
i just turned 11.im sorry i havent been writing in you.i never knew writing in a diary would be so hard. nothing ever happens anyway and i didnt have anything interesting to write.happy birthday to me.

05/27/1991:
i passed my federal common entrance exam. my parents are so happy, i made 530.im so proud of myself. im really glad i passed because i never even read. im hoping i pass all my private school entrance exams coming up, i really dont want to go to a boarding school.im going to miss my parents.

05/30/1991:
being an only child is so hard..they give me too much attention.and it doesnt help that im a girl.when they look at me, i think they wish i came out a boy.

08/19/1991:
the holidays are almost over, im about to start secondary school.im so excited. my mum is a doctor but my dad is an engineer. i dont know what i want to be in the future.they frown when i say a teacher.

09/30/1992:
im in jss2 now, i think i want to be an engineer, i know they wish i were a boy and my friend said that boys follow in their daddy's footsteps.im going to be an engineer.

11/11/1994:
i think kalu likes me a lot, he keeps staring at me in class and people are noticing.
i like him too even though i can never admit it to my friends, he is very cute and smart. until he gets serious i dont need anything distracting my studies. im smart and i love being smart.

01/15/1996:
daddy wants me to go abroad and study engineering. he thinks it will be better.me, i just want to leave this smothering place.my mum cries a lot when we talk about me going abroad. i see the pride in my dad's eyes when we talk about it though....i dont think he misses having a boy anymore.

09/17/1999:
im a junior in college and i have a cummulative g.p.a of 3.85 but i hate my course.i cant stand it, im only doing this because of the pride i hear in my dad's voice when i talk to him , because of how he brags to friends and colleagues about me. i hate engineering.

03/07/2005:
nigeria is plain frustrating, the roads, the horns, i just feel like shouting for the people to just stop and give me silence for a little while.but i still love it here.i love the people, i love how the conductor insults you even while you are seated in your own car without even thinking for one second how rich you are, i love how the people have this hope that never dies, this 'e go better' attitude that just make them plain beautiful. i love home.

04/25/2005:
its so frustrating when people imply that i only got this job because i am my father's daughter...which is part of the reason i got this job in the first place but i am also very qualified to do this job. ive been working here for so long, i didnt think they still had a problem with a woman running this game.nigerian men!!
i seriously need to bath, im smelling of hot sweat.

09/19/2006:
when i started writing these diaries, i thought i'd be talking about my husband and my kids by this time in my life...im 26. but no, no man, no kid.no nothing.im so lonely.the silence in this huge house scares me.

09/29/2006:
they never tell you that oneday the rose coloured rims that God gives you after making you is going to get knocked out after sometime. i had so much dreams for myself...boyfriend by 22, married by 24, pop out all the kids before 30.
when i look at kids on the street, i secretly smile and i feel like going up to them and yelling..'stop dreaming!!its a waste of time'.

12/25/2008:
flings.no boyfriends.
merry christmas dear diary.

12/27/2008:
dont these village people get tired of asking me when ill tie the knot..i feel like tying that stupid proverbial knot around their stupid necks. i feel very angry right now.

12/31/2008:
im not looking forward to the new year.i never thought i;d ever say that.
new year=another birthday.
daddy doesnt care that im single.
but its killing mum.

1/17/2009:
29?
29?
29?
29+1 = 30?
i feel sad.

04/05/2009:
lifes good.im happy.
this world feels like a dance ritual to me and i cant keep dancing to that bit.
they pop you out, educate you, you find work, find husband, make kids and the dance starts again.

09/30/2009:
i feel happy.

10/11/2009:
i feel content.

12/12/2009:
im going to make the best of next year.im not look forward to the big 30. but im alive arent i?

excerpts from her diary.

p.s:this is a fictional work. it has nothing to do with anyone i know or me.

this has been in my archives for sooo long, i thought i might as well publish it.

p.s:people need to stop tagging me in pictures on facebook, if im not on there dont tag me, i hate getting multiple notifications for useless things.

voices in my head

ive been doing a lot of thinking lately.things to do, things not to do in the upcoming year and you know what i just decided this morning...i dont care anymore, im just going to let 2010 take its course and just go with the flow.

if you havent seen avatar yet, im not talking to you again.lol.
that movie is the ish, be sure to see it in 3-D.
james cameron is the ish men.
cant believe he made this movie in more than 3years!!3 years?!
thats dedication right thurr mehn.
i loved it and i hope he gets another oscar for this movie.
and i want him to say.'im the king of the world' in his oscar acceptance speech again.
cos mehn, he really is!!at least in the world of sci-fi.

ive been waiting for my dad to send me my christmas shopping present.
i need to shop my ass off.
i love dallas mehn.
i feel like just staying here and not going back to my school.
ha ha ha.if wishes were horses...

so i deleted a lot of numbers from my phone recently
just a bunch of people i dont want to enter 2010 with.
baggage i definitely im done carrying.

i thought about home a lot this weekend.
i miss it a lot.
i just want to go home and eat rice and chicken on christmas day.
sigh!!
my elder sister just graduated from college
im so proud of her.

i hate it when people ask me if i dont want to get married.
marriage is something that will happen if it will happen
its not an institution that is an attractive venture for me.
well, unless someone pays me to marry them...that'd be super cool.
im 18, marriage is a thought that barely crosses my mind.
ill cross that bridge when im done living my life and feel like i need an extra hobby.

i hate it when people put 'lol' after insulting you.
and when you call them out on it they act like your the one who doesnt get the joke.
douche bags.
and why will you say something that you definitely know will offend me
and then you think saying 'no offence' will justify what you just said.
ha!!i pity the next fool that will say that to me.
lol..empty threats, i really need to stop that in 2010.
ill soon get into trouble for telling people ill beat them up
when they are like 100pounds heavier than i am.

im done with the obnoxious people in my life.
those people who insult you behind you and pretend to be cool infront of you.
cant stand them anymore.
there is a difference between being confident and arrogant.
people seriously need to start getting over themselves.

i retreat.
thats what i always do when i get fed up of the self-importance of people around me.
i retreat and stay alone.
i dont get fed up of being with me.
i love my own company a lot more than i love any other person's.

i miss a friend of mine that went to nigeria.
i miss her insults even though i tell her its plain disrespectful the way she talks to people.
shes smart too and isnt obnoxious about it.
im going to miss her sister too when she graduates.

a friend of mine is spending mad money on her bf.
a bf who has never given her a dime.
who treats her like thrash.
shes about to buy him these pair of jordans that arent even out yet.
i mind my own business.
she says shes in love.
okay, good for her.
im not even tripping.
im just kinda jealous...of the boyfriend.
i wish there was a guy out there i could treat like thrash and he'd still spend mad cash on me.sigh.

dont forget to read the interactive story coming up on the myne whitman blog.
the next contribution is by me.
hope you guys love it.
have a beautiful christmas and an ass kicking new year.
thanks for the comments, the followers and everything.

p.s:i met leslie's boyfriend's friend on saturday night, thats tori for a whole new day.

murder thoughts

my friends think im picky...with guys.
i dont think im picky.i just think i cant wrap my head round the relationship stuff.
my friends should really limit their boyfriend stories to the honey moon stage, all the other stuff horror stories should never be told to a single friend.
so, yeah.back to picky.
most of my friends dont think i want to be single, they think im just picky. and everytime i start talking to a guy they start getting excited. and within a couple of months when the boy asks me out and i say no, i avoid their calls because THEY are the ones who get broken hearted, THEY are the one who i have to talk through the process of letting the guy go..sigh.
my friend leslie asked me yesterday:' leggy, arent you scared that one day all these boys who have been asking you out will stop coming and then you'd be alone with your cats?'
and i said...'but do i live in a mansion?'.
im not taking the fact that men dont hold my interest for that long lightly...leslie said i need a psychiatrist, berry says..well, berry doesnt say anything at all, yeah i think berry just has more things to worry about than my love life.

leslie has the low down on me.according to her..
'leggy, i think you just like the attention these guys give you, you dont actually like them. if you go out more often and get your nose out of your books once in a while you'd probably have more fun.'
now i could tone out leslie, but it doesnt help that im in dallas with her, sharing a bed with her, so whenever she gets this 'great idea' on how to 'cure' me, she turns around..WAKES ME UP and gives me the low down of the 'great idea' she just got.

now, i love my friend leslie but sometimes i feel like hitting her in the head with something huge. i used to hear that when your friends get hooked up they want everyone around them as happy as they are but leslie has an obsession.

her greatest fear is not getting married...my greatest fear is being poor.
give me money any day baby.leslie says im a money whore..i wont even lie i loveeeeeeeeeeeeeeee money, i cant imagine what it feels like to grow up poor and i seriously dont want to know.
thats why i study hard sweetie, so that when i grow up(ha ha ha), there will be no passengers on my plane hun.

this is a very scattered post, id prolly come back and do a new one..but its 4:19am and leslie just finished reading my textmessages and yabbing about how i never reply text messages that that is why i will remain single all my life.
she said ill make a horrible girlfriend(a fact im def not denying)...she said ill soon get ugly and no man would want me(ooh, baby i know), she said that when i get older my long legs will disappear, im going to get fat and my fresh face will be filled with pimples...sigh.
she is driving me crazy....she is tryng to convince me to meet her boyfriend's friend here in dallas...who i know ill not like.granted...i havent met him and i dont know what he is like or what he looks like but i have this gut feeling that im not going to like him....i dont like her bf, why will i like his friend?
**i just said i dont like her bf cos my friend is psycho.i dont even know the boy.

this post is so scattered cos i dont think you write coherently when you are having murder thoughts.

3 kinds of people

as i walked along the road in the quiet beautiful night
the darkness seemed very soothing and the stars sure came out to play.
i heard a high note scream pierce the night
and as the wind didnt change course, the night remained beautiful
so i thought...Oooh, that must be a familiar sound to them.
so i continued walking far far down the streets of Congo.
a war was going on and you could taste the suffering in the air
the scream pierced the night again
this time followed by footsteps.
a lover's play?
i stopped and slowly turned around as he pushed her.
i freeze for a moment.
a father-daughter play?
as she struggled to get up from beneath him
he slapped her and proceeded to remove his belt
a father punishing his child?
i tried so hard to justify it
but he was taking off his clothes
ive never heard of a dad removing his shirt to punish a daughter
oh well, maybe its a culture here.
a sign of seriousness.??
but she screamed again.
he tore at her clothes and she screamed even louder
and i just stood there
transfixed on this ugly scene.
her screams made him even happier
he had this absurd look of esctacy on his face
and as he plunged his penis into the little girl who couldnt be more than 9
metaphors feel my head
the penis seared her like a sword
killing her integrity
her chance at self esteem
and i stood there and did nothing.
the girl's screams rose again filling the night.
and with every thrust,
with every thrust,
he ruined a little girl's life
with every thrust he became less human
with every thrust...
and as the girl slowly slipped into oblivion.
i looked around me wondering if noone had seen that and thought to stop it
and behold there was a crowd.
and as the man arose, dressed up and kicked the girl's lifeless body.
we all turn and walked away
as if we had just been in the theater
as if we were all saying
the show is over
and as i walked away with that girl's picture in my head
i thought...'one more person noone was willing to save'
and then i thought
noone?
you were right there
you could have done something
and as the drunken state cleared from my eye
i thought of the words of the great writer, speaker and nigerian chris abani:
'my name is leggy and i've been human and sober for a day'.

i read Azazel's blog..i want to link it but im just too lazy right now, he talked about the rapings in congo and i wondered why i had never even heard the news. but i thought to myself...'you never even watch the news'.so basically i read blogs for current events cos T.V is really not my fort. so thank you for educating me azazel.
when i read the stories, i told my friends...'mehn i would take corruption any day oh'.

i was watching a nigerian movie..'cindy's note' after reading that and there was a quote in the movie that i loved.
'there are 3 kinds of people, the first group sees something wrong and does and says nothing about it, the second group sees something wrong talks about it and does nothing about it, the third group sees something wrong talks about it and does something about it'.
so i talked about it and here is my doing something about it:

i found a charity that helps the congolese.

so thats a charity that works in the Congo area, you can donate 50dollars to them and save a little girl's life and even if you cant afford it, you can split it with friends or something.
p.s: you are not obligated to.
p.p.s: i finished my exams yesterday, cant wait to get to Dallas.
p.p.p.s: was talking to a friend and she told me that rapists usually get their satisfaction through their victim's screams so i also incorporated that into this story so i guess i have her to thank for that.
hope you guys are having a great finals week.
off to do blog runs.

guilty

RIP to the people who died in the sosoliso aircrash.
i feel so guilty that i didnt remember.
i feel so guilty that the pain is nolonger there.
i remember when their dad called my dad to let him know that there was a plane crash.
that day i cried like i would never recover.
but now i barely even remember them.
and is it selfish of me to be grateful that no matter how close we were to the okafors my parents never let us go to loyola?
thats all i could think about when i remembered.
and i feel so guilty for that.
RIP chidinma, zikora, the mbas, chidera and many other people that i cant think of.
i sure hope that you are in a better place.
i sure do.

a letter to the future

dear leggy-in-the-future,

im writing this with the hope that the world really didnt end in 2012 and that that day came and went without any hitches, so if this letter gets to you in good health in the year 2013 then i thank God for that.
so 21 huh? i hope you grew into a lovely young woman with a good head on your shoulders, hope you found a good job and maybe a boyfriend?no? did you suddenly discover that you are gay?gosh!i hope not, cos the time i spent ogling the boys in my maths class hopefully didnt go in vain.
or maybe boys are no longer needed, maybe robots are now the thing in vogue, ads on ebay and bids going on at the malls for them? 2 for $4.99? that cheap? or can only the rich afford it?be careful oh, there was a movie in my time that was acted about those things, they are planning to take over the world so be careful.

so i bet you are wondering why you have no assets, no breasts, no ass.sigh.
i wondered the same thing too and i always prayed that i was going to sleep and wake up oneday and discover that i suddenly grew one but since that obviously didnt happen in 2013 either, i guess you can just forget about it too.sigh.unless ofcourse they have one of those 'grow it yourself' chemicals there, i mean they dont have any now and there are so many side effects to today's drugs that you cant really trust anything.

how are all those stds? yeah, they were a real monster in my day, i bet aids is now like some sort of cough to you people and when you'd get it you'd just write a status on facebook saying that you've got AIDS and everyone will say sorry and you'd go to the pharmacy down the road and buy a drug without any prescription and the next day you are negative again...sigh.that'd be so cool, and do you guys still have facebook or has something cooler taken over...i knew it was bound to happen.sigh.

and please dont date any guy whose name starts with the first five letters, i think they are nothing but trouble but that doesnt mean that if a handsome rich man knocks on your door with those letters you shouldnt open up , i mean ive thought you better, you should be able to know all the exceptions to my rule.

are you married? i'd be suprised if you are cos marriage isnt something i am interested in indulging in, so if you are you changed your mind?huh?hmm...i hope this dude is really worth it cos all these cheating ass men in my days just make me wanna puke.
ohhh, so there is now a law against cheating huh?ahhhh, 45 years in jail eh?wow, that'd be so cool if that is really true in your day.

any kids? thats really the only advantage i see in that institution called marriage?
how is mummy and daddy in your day? daddy still loud and crazy? age didnt mellow that old man out?seriously?wow, i wonder how he keeps up with all his thoughts. he is still acting like the perfect husband and father huh? you guys havent caught him cheating yet eh? maybe ill like him a little, i mean if you do catch him cheating, i really recommend blackmail cos mummy and me and all my sisters in this day think he is one in a million, so if you do catch him cheating get some money from him.

gone to france yet?no?wow, you are still a loser?what a surprise!!NOT!!still hiding under mummy's pants?
i sure hope you are atleast rich cos if you are not i'd better start praying for the world to end oh, cos ive always prided on the fact that im going to live the good life!

hooked up with love yet?damn word still used as a generic there? have they added any more body parts to that word yet?
i mean in my day, it had eyes cos according to them it is blind, it had wings cos according to them it could fly away at any time, it even has legs sef cos sometimes it doesnt have the time to fly the thing just kuku run away.it even has a heart cos according to them love feels. so have they discovered that it has a head yet?maybe a penis?you know i wont be surprised if love is male, ive always had this feeling about it.

i really have so much to say but im afraid ive gotta go study for my finals..i mean if i dont read those books you wont get to make any money. ill catch up with you later, ofcourse thats if the earth doesnt end in 2012.

p.s: i was so bored at work today so i wrote this.crappy i know!!sigh,what more can i say?

p.p.s: goodluck on your finals, mine end on thursday and then its off to dallas!!!

i loved him

for some reason ive been in a very good mood all day.
so i watched gossip girl today, i love that show, i especially love chuck and blair they are my favourite characters on that show and i even have their picture as my desktop background.
watching this episode of gossip girl reminded me of my friend 10.
10 is the best guy friend ive ever known. he is the one person im missing at home, he is that one person in your life that you know you could never forget.
10 used to be there for me at all times, at all points in my life, whether i was right or wrong, i used to cry to him, i used to laugh with him. i totally loved him. i wasnt in love with him, i just loved him.
he is one of those friends you never forget, and his smile just made you want to smile with him, his smile caused the sun to peek out of the sun cos trust me his smile will steal the sun's job hands down without even applying for it. he is tall, taller than i am and he used to place his hands on my head and tell me how short i am...and im pretty tall.

he lived quite close to my house and we used to chat all night, he was in my class and everytime he'd load credit, he'd send me half of it(you guys know you can share loaded credit in nigeria right?). we used to text all night, i could never go to sleep without a text from 10, we would talk sometimes till the next day. we'd also talk on phone, he'd come to my house. we were really really close.
i could tell 10 everything.i remember when i was sick in nigeria and i missed school for so many days, i was so mad that he didnt come to see me, i was in such a bad mood that when he finally came two days later, i asked him what he would have done if i had died before he came to see me...and he said...' i could hear your heart beat all the way from my house, if you died, dont you think i would feel it?'.
now, this is sounding like we had something between us,nope. we were just friends. were there sexual tension?yes!!but you had to know the kind of person 10 was in the first place.
he was the class joker, the guy everyone loved, the one who always asked that stupid question in class just to make the teacher angry, that smart one who looks totally clueless, he was our senior prefect in our set and he was the neatest guy ive ever seen till date. ive never seen or met any other boy since i left secondary school who could be as neat as that boy, no matter how long we stayed in school or how long he ran on the school field with his uniform on, he'd still come out with his canvas still so white and still smelling so good!!
10 was the greatest boy, ever!!

and lots of my friends used to speculate about us and i used to deny it a lot and say there was nothing between us and there really wasnt but whenever people said anything to him, he'd just look at me and laugh..he never responded.
i remember a time in our jss3 when this girl slapped him cos he made a joke about her and the whole class laughed, when the girl slapped him , he turned looked at the girl for a minute, laughed and said..'you are so lucky you're a girl'.
10 was full of life, he was nice, he was that person who never said a bad word about anybody, and that was what i absolutely loved about him, he was a genuinely nice person.to tell you the truth 10 was and still is the nicest boy ive ever met, he never made jokes at your expense, he'd stand up for me no matter what happened.
what i loved most about him?10 is the most naive guy ive ever met, naive in every sense of the word!!

he'd know what was on my mind just like that and even before i'd say something he'd say..'dont say that!!' and i'd be like..'i havent even said anything' and he'd be like..'you were thinking it'.lol

i remember telling him that i was going to travel abroad for my college degree and i remember talking to him on phone and i started missing him even then.and i never saw him, we'd just speak on the phone and talk about everything i was going to do and people i was going to meet.
on the day i travelled, i called him when they called the boarding ish, and he told me:
'leggy, ive thought about what im going to say to you but i cant really think of anything so im just going to miss you'
and i said:'ooh, we are probably going to get married'..i said this jokingly cos from the onset of our friendship he always joked about marrying me...
and he laughed and replied:
'probably'.

p.s:this post didnt do 10 justice at all. he was perfect in my eye and still is, hence the pen name '10'.

p.p.s:i know my friend berry will read this and have something to say but um letting y'all know that no, i am def not lusting after him.i just love him....as a friend...i think.

p.p.p.s:i have to study for my finals next week, so no more posts till that is over.

~~ "A Friend may well be reckoned the masterpiece of Nature."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803 - 1882) US poet & essayist.~~
~~ True friendship consists not in the multitude of friends, but in their worth and value.-ben jonson~~
~~When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives means the most us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving much advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a gentle and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares.-henri nowen~~

leading lady

I learnt
As the world draws to an end
With my heart beating off the charts
And my hands turning into ice
Hearts filled with dreams unaccomplished
Exiting this stage with love not found
I’m scared
Scared of death, the inevitable
A contract I don’t remember signing; but an unbreakable one
As I look into its eyes
Trying to find a sense of reassurance
Not one feeling there, just a sense of urgency
Thinking fast, conversation
He just looks at me, unseeing as I launched into a babble of words
Persuasion, begging, tears
Bargaining, hoping.
Holding on to the little bit of light
Sounds swirl all around me
Life flashes before me, its eyes seem to be saying:
One less person to deal with
Stepping out of this stage
While the other actors wait for me to be dragged out
Uncaring, eyes on the time
A minute or two of silence and the acting goes on
The acting must go on
The audience must be entertained
As death reaches out to end this unwritten story
I stare at my book not written
My songs not sung
My stories left untold
My feelings left unshared
My pictures not taken
As it flips its coins and decides my fate
Death gives me one of its rarest smiles
Another day left to live
Just another day left to wonder
When it will come to claim its part of the bargain
And as I slowly wake from this nightmare
I realize that I have nothing to offer death
Just a lot to offer life
I learnt from my conversation with death.

am i the only one who this 2012 rumor is scaring off their pants? cos im really scared. im graduating may 2012 and then someone is telling me that the world would end december 21st, 2012? they should confirm it now oh let me just drop out of school and stop wasting my parents money oh.
anyway sha, im damn scared of dying cos to be frank, noone really knows what is out there, noone knows what its like, death is like one of the great mysteries of life.
you know how in movies they usually have the main character and then the best friend? ive tried to live my life as my own leading lady and ive tried really hard not to be living my life as the bestfriend in the movie.
i try to make myself happy, i try to make sure that my happiness doesnt revolve around any human being.thats my greatest fears in relationships that i'd wake up oneday and realise that my happiness revolves around someone.
i make sure i enjoy my own company cos if i dont, who will?
i try to be nice to people and although in most cases people are not nice to me back i try to be really nice to people.
sometimes i let anger choose my words for me but i regret it as soon as i speak.
i find it really hard to apologise to people so i try my hardest to not be in the position where i have to apologise.
i dont believe that friends are indispensible, i dont allow anybody treat me like thrash just because they are my friends or claim to be my friends.
everyone i talk to or hang out with isnt necessarily a friend, many are just acquaintances, people i know or people who are fun to hang out with, few i actually call my friends.
i find it really hard to trust people, you seriously have to earn it.
telling people personal things about me is a very hard thing for me to do, and it takes a very long time for me to make close friends..i always fear that people would repeat stuff i tell them in confidence so i dont even try telling anybody anything.
i dont understand why people dont mind their own business, i mean its the easiest thing to do.
i try to live my life in a way that i wont regret when i die.
but you know the scariest part about death, the way people forget, no one in this life would die and then the world would stop moving or rotating, or people wont go on.i remember when that sosoliso air crash happened, that was one of the worst christmas ever, i knew 3/4 of the people in that plane, my mum's bestfriend's kids died in that aircrash, many people i knew, and that day it was hell in our house, we cried like there was no tomorrow and even though sometimes we remember it, its not as painful and on a normal day i dont even remember it.
see?life continues.thats the scariest part of death, oneday you will be forgotten, oneday no one is even going to know you ever lived on earth.
it was shakespeare who said that 'the world is a stage and we are all here to play our roles and exit the stage', some people never even get to finish their lines, some people never even get to step on the stage, some people get pushed off the stage, and now even when im trying to come to terms with death, ive learnt that its the way we lived that counts, not how we died, not when we die, but how we live.
its the living part that counts.
and if this world is a stage, im going to live my life like im the leading lady in this play called life.

p.s: i was talking to a friend of mine the other day and i told her that if a boy claims to have a girlfriend, and i dont even know the girl's name and ive never seen the girl before and the girl isnt a friend, an acquaintance or someone ive never set my eyes on before. then the guy is fair game to me, that as far as im concerned, he is single and if i like him.....lol
so anyway, i was thinking about it after telling her this and in my own head i sounded like a bitch, so i wanted to know what you guys think. i mean am i thinking like a bitch or am i right?

~~one day your life would flash before your eyes, make sure that it is worth watching~~
~~we all die, the goal isnt to live forever, the goal is to create something that will - oscar wilde ~~
~~of all the wonders that i yet have heard
it seems to me most strange that men should fear
seeing that death, a necessary end
will come when it will come - Shakespeare ~~

to the woman i currently love

dont worry, im still not gay, still havent changed my mind.
anyway,yinkuslolo finally sent me all my posts through my mail and i was reading them over and realised that i rarely ever talked about my mum in my post..yup, there was a post called mummy said so but when i was reading it i realised that i never actually talked about what she was like, how i felt growing up with her. and i think the reason for this is because my mum is really quiet, while my dad is really loud, like in your face loud, like never shuts up loud(i still love you dad) so i guess in my memories my dad kinda overshadowed my mum and it probably doesnt help matters much that my dad calls me everyday, you;d think that man would give up by now.

anyway, my mum is such a beautiful woman and im not just saying that. my mum is gorgeous, everyone says so and my dad says so all the time, and my friends always tell me the same thing, my teachers commented, my dad's friends thought she was hot, everyone mentioned my mum's looks. i guess you now know without saying who i get my ugliness from...lol, dont mind me my dad is fine too, he looks like an older femi brenard and im not just saying that!!

growing up with my mum was like growing up with an adolf hitler but 100 times worse (okay, y'all know im exagerrating right?), my mum always got us to do what she wanted us to do with her eyes, i always felt like yelling ..'talk woman talk!!'...she'd look at you through her left eyes when you;d refuse to do something and then she'd turn and leave, im telling you noone has ever found out what she left to do cos that look always sent us running up from our beds.
my mum never gave us any of those sex talks, never mentioned marriage, still doesnt mention it...my dad handles all that. i know, i know, i come from a dysfunctional family and im proud of it(took years of therapy to get here but im proud of it now,lol). my mum is an only child so she grew up being pampered and ish but it never occurred to her to give us the same treatment ofcourse, sigh, parents!

but i still love my mum more than i do my dad, and even though my dad likes to think that we love him more, we really dont. my mum is the kind of person you can talk about anything with, shes the kind of mother that you come back from a bad day and cry to, my mum is always there for us, when i talk to my dad on the phone it reminds me of why i was so intent on schooling abroad, my dad is so over protective of 'his babies' but my mum gives us our space and i love her for that. everytime i speak to my mum on the phone i always feel like crying cos i miss her so so so much!!

my mum never picked up our phones, even when it'd be in her hands and she never read my textmessages even to check anything, and it really made me not want to disappoint her cos those little acts gave me a feeling that she trusted me and i loved her for it. she'd always let boys come to visit me at home and she knew all my guy friends by name, when she'd come to pick me up from school the boys of my class always went to greet her and she'd call them by their names and they'd talk and ish and it always made me so proud of her and made her look really cool to my classmates.
everytime i'd say that my mum shouted at me m friends never believed me and they always commented on the fact that im just saying that cos my mum doesnt look like she could hurt a fly....they always looked at my mum like some kinda delicate flower but my mum always killed us when we did something bad.

my mum would always tell us the truth, no matter what, she always told us the truth and maybe thats why we felt so close to her.my mum never argued, i dont know where i get this urge to argue from , but it sure wasnt from my mum, my dad would always argue with someone and my mum wouldnt even put in a word, when that person would leave my mum will be like.'you know you werent even making sense right?' and my dad would laugh and say..'i know, but that man has no spine, it felt so good'.if we couldnt afford something my mum would tell us that we couldnt afford it and till now i never have the urge to buy something that i cant afford, i'd be the first person to let anyone know that the main reason i wasnt going to buy something is because i cant afford it, my mum taught me to be proud of who i am and love my self regardless of other people.my mum was such a loner, she'd rarely go to people's house except very very few of her friends' houses and then the numerous places my dad always dragged her to to show her off.i got that from her, im a big loner, i can sleep for hours, i can go a month without talking to anyone, i dont watch lots of television and ive learnt not to run away from my own company cos if i dont enjoy me noone else will.

this post is getting kinda long, but bottom line, my mum is one hell of a woman and when im rich, she's going to get to do all the things she couldnt do cos she was taking care of 6 kids and one caring, sweet but really loud husband....and if i grow up being just a quarter of the woman that she is...


p.s: so yesterday, a guy from my lab called me, we had checked out our stuff from the lab when he asked me for my number, we were lab partners and we talked a lot while waiting for our chemicals to do what ever the text books said they were supposed to do.so anyway we got to know each other and so at the end of lab we exchanged our numbers and he proceeded to call me yesterday.meanwhile before that i watched this girl's videos on youtube and she said 'OOooh baby i know!!' and the way she said it was so nice that it stuck to my head all day and i kept repeating it in my head. so when this guy called me yesterday night and we were talking he now told me that i made an impression on him during lab class and guess what i said?yup...'OOooh, baby i know'. im sure now the guy thinks i like him but no, i really dont do vanilla but i still thought me just blotting that out like that was really funny and everytime i remember it i crack up!!

p.p.s: just started my thanksgiving hols, a couple of days of sleeping, ooh, bliss!!
~~ "All that I am or ever hope to be, I owe to my angel Mother."
-- Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865)~~
~~ "To describe my mother would be to write about a hurricane in its perfect power."
-- Maya Angelou~~
~~the hand that rocks the cradle is the hand that rules the world~~

friends:hate 'em?love 'em?

there are 2 kinds of friends:

-those ones you can tell the truth

- and those ones that you cant.

one of my friends like that, ive talked about her on my blog before so im just going to call her friend 1, this girl has more than 5 boyfriends, no kidding.

she nevers says no to a guy and she tells me about all these guys but i dont react or say anything bad cos well, she will burst out with insults.

everytime a guy asks me out and i tell her, she tells me to agree, that i should just agree, and when i say i lovee being single, she tells me that i still have secondary school diseases, and that ill make a bad girlfriend/wife anyway(im not denying that ill make a bad girlfriend but way to go friend 1, plunge in the knife deeper will you?).

she has boyfriends in every country in the world, okay im exaggerating but every country that matters....nigeria, UK, america, canada...name it!!

she has 3 in nigeria, just in nigeria oh, and these threee people live with in a 2hour radius from each other...sigh, she prides herself on being the major femme fatale and she says things like 'its not my fault that my body is killing these men'(does she really have to say this to me?when im already too skinny, no breasts, no ass, no nothing!!seriously?).

now, she has a new 'boo' in her school who is chasing her(or shes chasing the boy, i forget).

when i did my birthday, i sent her a birthday list and what i sent her was just a shoe to wasnt up to 25bucks, she told me she was broke and that she was going to buy it later, once someone tells me that the person is broke, i back off cos well, you dont pick money from the ground or trees...fastforward 2 days, exactly 2 days, she comes to me and tells me that shes buying that her 'boo' a present...a cake, a card and a very expensive set of perfume(you know the ones that have a cologne, and all those other ish)...uhhh...but you didnt have 25bucks for a friend?

you know, im not even tripping, now if this 'boo' was her boyfriend, men i'd just realise that we are different, but they are not oh.this boy has refused to ask her out!!

she walks him to class, spends money on him...and gives him bjs, lets him borrow her car....and this boy still hasnt asked her out.

on the other hand, there is my good friend berry, i tell her the truth and she tells me the truth. and i get along with her better cos well, we are more alike, we think about stuff in the same way, we just rock(actually we dont, but you guys dont know im such a loser in real life...sigh, the wonders of a blog!).lol

so my friend berry, tells friend 1 that she is spending wayyy to much time, money and strength on a guy who isnt even her boyfriend, and friend 1 sparks and goes into the name calling:

list of names:

-bitch

-you are jealous that you dont have a real man in your life: lmao...real men?

- ashawo and whore: i dont actually mind these insults, cos when people call me this, it actually implies that im getting some action when im getting nothing at all.

-unattractive:..uhhh?serious?i dont know where this insult came from cos that my friend berry is HOT!!ask anyone!atleast shes hotter than friend 1

- noone wants her: this is a really sad insult for me to hear, sigh, cos noone wants me too(see why berry and i get along?we are both pathetic.lol)

my friend 1 called berry a lot of things that i fi tell you, you'd cringe, i mean seriously? cos of a boy that isnt even your boyfriend?mind you she has asked the boy about the realtionship part and the boy said that..'he wants to take it slow' but this same boy is the same boy that she has given blow jobs too(he didnt think of given the slow speech here) and this same boy told her that its about time they had sex(no slow here either).

sigh!!

im such a wimp, i could never say this to her cos i really really hate confrontations, i dont mind the quarrel that follows soon after cos if i may say so im a pro in quarreling(any respectable nigerian who had primary and secondary education there should be too), i just dont like the insult and name calling part cos there are a lot of things you can insult me for...im a loser, im too skinny, i think sleeping is fun, i cant sing...and the list goes on.

so this blog is the only place i can feel brave to say whatever i want.

the people who made me lose my other blog are prolly reading this and i just want to say..'you guys made me lose 95 posts on my blog!'. if you are my friend and you find my blog, its pure courtesy to tell me that you found it and that you are reading it instead of reading it and then go about whining about how im talking about you, mschewww.get a life please, i dont talk about boring people on my blog.

anyway, im so over this blog thing.

technically this is my 98th post!!

im so celebrating my 100th post!!

and i put back the followers ish, i dont care, im just going to rebuild this blog again!!

so macy d'funk labunk wrote me a poem:

sigh.

To all of the songs I wish to write someday
With the details of sins I hope I get the chance to commit
There would always be the tale of the confused teenager with the beautiful legs
Who had good days and bad like everyone else
But was shy to the beauty she was
And shared with the rest of us eager bloggers
And how her words touched us, made us, and taught us
Or how ahead of the rest she was and how we dragged behind her
With the A's in her tests, and fixation on womens chests
She remains the tale that lasts for ages
Lives forever in our hearts and is passed on to our grandchildren.
The song for all ages, the no 1 hit I can't wait to write.

sigh,dont you just love this?i feel so loved(lol).

thanks macy.made me feel so much better.

~~

gay??

thanks for your comments on my last post made me feel so much better.
i removed the follower application on this blog cos looking at it makes me just want to cry, from 122 to 1follower.sigh.
i had a funny picture for you guys but this computer at the library wont let me post it, so just laugh like i really did put it off.think of how funny it would have been and laugh.

anyway, since ive been writing this blog, do i seem gay to you guys?a co-worker today told me that she always thought i was gay!!!

huh?

seriously?

do i come off as gay?
i do love a woman's body..and i google it a lot..maybe cos people dont get as prudish when they see you looking at amber, as they get when they see you google a guy.hiss
so incase you've always thought that im gay.
no, im not.


you know the kind of friend i dont like?
that one that always ask...'do you think im attractive?'
when i think of how many of those kinds of questions that ive gotten from girls, i think maybe they do think im gay.
but no, besides that, please dont ask me that.
i have more problems of my own.
or that person who tries to fish for compliments from you.
they go like...
'hey, you look so cute in that shoe, i dont look cute at all'
and then so that you dont sound rude you gotta say:
'aww, no, you look cute too'.
sigh


christmas.
is it only me or does christmas actually smell like christmas in nigeria?
i cant smell christmas here.
seriously.
im broke so the chance of buying a ticket is getting lower and lower.
yesterday, i was so bored that i talked to my friend for 4hours.
im such a loser.
i watched 'for the love of ray j'.
is it only me or are those girls psycho?
that thing is actually interesting.
its my shame show. that one that i dont ever admit that i like.
my roommate and i watch it and its our little secret.
sigh,im such a loser.


am i the only one who doesnt like it when people show up unannouced?
like seriously?
doesnt your phone work anymore?
when my house is all untidy
and i just finished cooking...sigh.
and there is a naked girl...or guy in my room..ha ha ha.
i should stop making such jokes.
and start paying attention to details
whisper:thats what she said last night.

a new episode of south park is showing today.
yah!!
cant wait.
im a south park addict and since i lost my laptop to the dust.
ive been having withdrawal symptoms
so i hope it gets fixed tonight.hopefully.

sometimes i really hate this country and most of all my school.
sometimes i really hate the people here.
they never mind their own business.
always pokenosing into other people's business.
and if you meet someone who tell you:
'i cant tell you another person's business'
before you even ask.
hmmm,that person has a big mouth.
just saying.
but its not like ive not met some great people here.
i have.totally.but the bad people still outnumber the good.
like these two sisters i really love.
they are the few nice people ive met here.

you know that your friend that you cant hate?
yeah that one that you cant say no to?
sigh.
i hate this friend,
i mean i love her, but i want to hate her.
two of my friends are quarrelling anf because i refused to take sides, one of them isnt talking to me.
girls and their drama.sigh!!

im signing out now, after today then im yours forever!!!
today is my last full class day.
im thinking of travelling to dallas for christmas.
and someone said she thinks i should go home if i miss naija so much.
i want to.
but my folks wont let me.
yeah, those people who try to make you miserable till you get married?yes, those people!!

have you guys heard about the genevieve and omotola film coming out called ije?
seems it will be really good.cant wait.
you should google..ije the movie.
p.s:im sure at the end of this post, i already sound gay-er than ever.sigh.
maybe i should really roll to the other side.
JUST KIDDING OH!!I LOVE MEN.
jokes like these are going to get me into trouble with my mum oneday...(or yours.)lol

sigh

this week has just been crazy.

found out i wasnt so annon as i wanted or thought.so i decided to take a break from blogging, i proceeded to delete the blog because google promised me i could get it back in 90 days if i changed my mind.and i was going to come back after a while but when someone gave me a better idea on how to prevent unnecessary people from reading my blog,i decided to come and undelete to no avail.

yinkuslolo offered to send me all my post cos she has it on google reader.

i have four tests this week, i have finals immediately after thanks giving, the hours i work just increased.

my laptop broke down monday morning oh, i was in bed and the thing was on top of my bed and i rolled over and the thing fell down and now everytime i turn it on it says operating system not found.

my dad has been pushing me to tell him where i want to spend christmas and frankly i have no idea, my two very good friends are having problems with each other and because i refused to take sides or chip in anything in their quarell, one of them isnt talking to me.

i have two papers and a final project due by thanks giving, its getting so cold now i miss naija'!!

lol.with all these going on im going to be scare on blogville but i got you all on google reader(hanks yinkuslolo)....im going to probably be stalking your blogs and leaving comments.

its 6:45 and im here in the library typing this waiting for 7:30 so that i can go take my test.seriously, i don tire.

if you guys havent seen the 'christmas in lagos' video, then you are on a long thing.i personally think its hot.

see you guys on your blogs.

lost my blog

if anyone knows how i can recover my blog.they should pleaseeeeeee let me know.