Friday, March 26, 2010

the gods' of fate.

'why did the gods see it fit to make me pregnant and give me false hope if the babies they see it fit to give me all come and die without seeing the end of the four market days', ekemma said. she sat upon a huge bed made out of bamboo sticks with her feet planted firmly on the ground, her back bent in the agony of near birth.

watching his first wife, odogwu hissed and shook his head sadly. he hated to see his wife in such a condition, everytime they laid together as husband and wife, he prayed so hard for the gods to spare her the agony of pregnancy.he had sworn to marry only one wife, but ekemma's children kept dying, one after the other,and even though noone had said it openly,he could hear the whispers and the voices spoken behind the ears...ogbanje.....ogbanje, the child that comes and was very uncommon for an ogbanje to be a boy, but this time he was was the same boy.the last pregnancy had been bad, the midwife has struggled to make sure that ekemma did not lose her life and she had warned against another pregnancy being fatal. he had summoned the dibia during the last pregnancy and as soon as the baby was born he had cut him, the dibia had claimed that the mark would keep him from going like his previous journies, that this time he was going to stay because the mark was a reminder that his secret was known.
he had lived beyond the first market week- none of the others had done that before him- and they had thrown a huge ceremony in his honor, only for the wails of the mother to be heard the next day from all points of the village.
the dibia had claimed that they had celebrated too soon.
some people looked at her with pity in their eyes, some with sympathy but others looked at her and wondered what she had done to anger her chi, some claimed she was paying for her previous sins or the sins of an ancestor.

odogwu snapped out of his thoughts as he tapped impatiently on the mud covered floor, he had sent his second wife, mgbeke, a long time ago to go look for the midwife.
mgbeke,he had married her out of fright that he wasn't going to have any sons to carry on his lineage and any daughters to marry off. he had been pushed into it by his parents and ekemma had begged him to get a second wife so that she too could hear the lasting cry of a baby in the compound. he was lucky to have found mgbeke, within the first few months of her arrival she had gotten pregnant and laughter had filled his soul once again. he could now go out among his peers and not be laughed at behind the palms, mgbeke was also a well behaved girl who respected ekemma and wouldnot trust anyone else with her babies if not ekemma but he felt sorry for her because she would have to live her married life knowing that he didnt love her, but he tried to be good to her.

mbeke rushed into the room with an unusually large woman following from behind with her wrapper undone,nneka.nneka had served as the village midwife for a very long time and before her, her mother and her mother's mother. nneka had complained the previous week about how unusually big ekemma's stomach was but had had the discussion brushed off by odogwu because of the consequences of such talks.
ejima, the dreaded children who were killed as soon as the sun hit their little faces, she had given birth to a lot of ejimas and had had them killed but a woman from the near village of umubele had recently given birth to three at a time...and she had been praying to her chi to spare ekemma such ordeal as the villagers had had her killed and had her kids thrown away for the tides to carry them as sacrifices to the gods for an alu such as that.

nneka quickly ushered odogwu out of the room as she prepared to usher in ekemma's child into the world.
odogwu walked up and down outside the room as the cries of agony from his wife tore at his heart. he kept thinking of how other women forgot the pains of childbirth as soon as the baby arrived but since he had doubts about this particular baby staying he wished ekemma had never gotten pregnant.after standing there for what seemed like the longest time to odogwu, he heard the cry of a child and another cry and another cry and another.
mgbeke rushed out of the room screaming and tears gushing down her face as she rushed to odogwu and held his wrapper and whispered...'they are four, one of them has that mark, the dibia's mark, the ogbanje returned,he returned to cause his mother more pain'.
odogwu rushed into the room to see his wife sobbing quietly as the midwife, nneka, stood their in shock as she repeated muttered..'alu, alu, alu'..with such madness in her eyes.

'i have to go alert the dibia and the villagers', said nneka after a couple of minutes of trying to get herself together.

' you can't do that',mgbeke screamed still crying, 'they are all going to want to kill her,im sure we can resolve this peacefully, i can take one child, noone would ever know, ill take one, they would wonder at the sudden appearance of a child but noone would ever dare ask'.

'shes already dying, she lost a lot of blood so it wont make a difference. i dont want to get my family involved with the wrath of the gods whenever it comes to visit you and your entire family, so i cant be a party to this by keeping quiet.besides, all of ekemma's past children died within four market days of their birth,why should i keep quiet when the children may die soon anyway', nneka screamed back at ekemma looking adamant.

'but you dont know if they are going to die.we have to give them a chance to can take one to my sister in umuogbu and one to my sister in umubele, noone would ever know if you dont tell. isn't my death good enough for the gods?i will give the marked one to the gods as a sacrifice, i will give it to gods for him to serve them all of his days. odogwu you would take him to the oracle at agulu and offer him to the ezemuo. im already dying odogwu m, they wont die,i will be their chi, they would not die and make me leave this earth with nothing that reminds you that i once lived', said ekemma softly

'to umuogbu and umubele? but we at war with both of them, i cant possibly let my sons grow up in a village where they would not know me as their father and they would grow up to hate me. plus you are giving one to the oracle?do you know what that means?he would become an osu, an outcast, he would never be able to get married to his peers or give have a lineage of his own.what kind of life is that?', odogwu asked as he bent gently and held his wife's hands.

'my sisters would accept them, they wouldnot know you as their father,yes.but isnt that better than the fate that awaits them?mgbeke takes one, they take the other two while the marked one goes to the oracle at agulu. i donot care what becomes of the marked one, he has caused me so much pain and sorrow and you still want me to show him any kindness?no, he shall be the sacrifice that will save this family from the wrath of the gods.dont you understand? four children at a time is an alu.
im dying odogwu, please promise that you would do as i say and please do not seek them out, watch them from afar but do not claim them.'ekemma said very softly as she touched her husband's cheeks and life slowly left her.

'if you promise upon your chi that you will sacrifice the marked one to the oracle as your wife has asked then i will live and die with this secret.but you have to promise, odogwu, you have to promise', nneka said adamantly.

'i promise'....

25 years later,
four boys,
an osu,
one from umuike,
one from, umubele,
one from umuogbu,
three villages at war

a diabia- a native doctor, an osu- an outcast, ejima- twins, alu-abomination.
chi- a personal god.
the igbo believe that every person has a personal god that is assigned to monitor them from the day that they are born till the day they die and these chi is supposedly supposed to beg on your behalf to the Chukwu.
this is a very, very,very rough draft.i dont know anything about pregnancy so i neglected to put anything about all the 'push'-ish associated with pregnancy. y'all should tell me what you think. if y'all like it. if not.ill redraft it.
please, please, please tell me what you think.
i dont usually reply comments so you can be as brutal as you like without thinking that im going to get angry or anything and please endeavour to read it to the end.

Saturday, March 20, 2010

never have i ever

never have i ever called someone a bastard
never have i ever had sex
never have i ever failed an exam
never have i ever loved a boy
never have i ever had a boyfriend
never have i ever gotten drunk
never have i ever masturbated
never have i ever travelled to canada
never have i ever insulted a teacher
never have i ever liked a guy younger than me
never have i ever asked a guy out
never have i ever been suspended
never have i ever taken nude pictures of myself
never have i ever sexted either
never have i ever fainted
never have i ever tried smoking
never have i ever owed someone money
never have i ever cried over anyone
never have i ever cried infront of people who arent family
never have i ever thought of killing myself
never have i ever slept over at a guy's house before
never have i ever been depressed
never have i ever given a blowjob
never have i ever said kmt before
never have i ever shaved my legs(i have absolutely no hair on my body)
never have i ever repeated a class
never have i ever lied against someone

this is a very fun party game.
okay, these were the things i could think of that i had never done.
you guys have to tell me two things that you have never done.

school is ridiculously hard this semester, ive got a physics test on wednesday that ive been trying to study for.i have a party to attend this night so i hope i have fun and it takes some of the stress away.hopefully.
you guys enjoy your weekend. ill be back real soon. spring break will be here soon.
dont forget to tell me two things that you have never ever done.

fave fb status: people claim that they are friends with their never friends with someone who put anything inside me..their penis or their tongue.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

perfect stranger

keys tingle as glances and eyes meet
roses go into full bloom and the sun smiles from the skies
open hearts fill up with hope and dreams for the promise of tomorrow
subtle signs of teenage love make the heart grow younger
stars with full purpose go into overdrive

my perfect stranger....
i just havent met him yet.

im going to be back to put up a decent post pretty just sooo backed up with school work plus im supposed to be studying for an organic chemistry exam for tomorrow. just needed a break. bought a new set of journals, so im going to be writing a whole lot nowadays so check in regularly.
last weekend was really fun and i wanted to share it with you guys but had to study for my math test on monday and so lost track of sorry for not posting regularly but as soon as my school work load lightens, ill be back fully.
the little writeup above was the first think i wrote in my journal when i bought it.
i dont know why.dont even know where that came from.

ill see you guys very soon.

fave fb. status: FUCK SCHOOL!!!
i chose that cos i thought that that was really articulate and thats just what i feel like telling school.

have a great week ahead.

Saturday, March 6, 2010

who i am now.... exactly who i want to be.

when i look in the mirror, unlike some people i do not see perfection.
i think im too thin
i'd really really like an ass
..maybe bigger boobs.
i'd like to be a wonderful dancer,
and i'd like to have a great voice but im tone deaf:-(
i think my eyes are ridiculous,
i'd like not to be too competitive,
i'd love to learn to loosen up a little and have fun
i think i talk too much when im nervous
i cringe when people curse around me, save the f-bombs for emergencies will you?
i hate the fact that most days my happiness depends on my grades.
wish i didnt have a huge commitment phobia
i wish i could be more tolerant
less reserved
i wish i could be more friendly
..but i dont have the time to be
i wish i could like someone for more than 4months
i hate my belly, for a thin person it is big.
saving is a huge problem for me
i dont usually try to make a good first impression unless im interviewing for a spot...
so people who like me are those who decided to turn back and take a second look
im an acquired taste,
im scared of the dark,
my greatest fear is dying and marriage
sometimes i feel like a very heartless person when i hurt people that i could have avoided hurting,
i dont care what you think but i dont think fat is healthy.
i dont think im better than anybody but i know noone is better than me.
am i proud, arrogant or confident?sometimes i dont understand the difference.
i love my laps cos they are the fattest part of my body.
i'd rather eat, sleep and watch movies all day than study but the happiness i get when i see that A can never compare to anything.
i dont always love my dad cos i think he is psycho.
im very hard to understand and guys say im complicated.
people say im hard to figure out but what are you doing trying to figure me out?im right here if you have a question,ask it.
i dont like my lips so much cos sometimes i think they are big.

when i look in the mirror i do not see perfection people.
no, i do not.

i see a very beautiful girl staring back at me with problems and flaws.
if God wanted something perfect i doubt he would have made human beings, we are more entertaining this way.

i may not be the prettiest girl in that party, i may not have the biggest butt around, i may be a horrible dancer and tonedeaf.
but thats exactly what makes me leggy, the fact that i have flaws mixed with beauty, brains and greatness.

i would never change anything about my physical attributes, i may not like them but they are part of my identity.i dont think high self-esteem is claiming that you love everything about you but knowing and accepting the fact that you can never be perfect and loving yourself regardless.

when i look in the mirror i do not see perfection,
i see a pretty girl who loves herself,
flaws and all.

the girl i am now? is exactly who i want to be.

hey people.its been so so so sorry but my classes have been crazy, ive had so many interviews to do and i still have a lot to do before the month runs out, i have tests all the time, quizzes...ill try and keep up with my blog though. i still do blog runs and all. i love reading your blogs and comments.

i saw alice in wonderland in 3-D and it was awesome.i'd def recommend it.

best facebook status: He was a great patriot, a humanitarian, a loyal friend; provided, of course, he really is dead.

best twitter update: #Dear Hi5. kindly stop sending me friend request notifications and reminders. I've moved on. So should you.
2.) when do you stop chasing a woman? when she finally gets tired of running.

i hope you guys have a great weekend.and a great week ahead. i cant wait for spring break to get well and sleep well.ciao.