Sunday, October 14, 2012

the spaces in between

"are you currently seeing somebody?"

Vulnerability exists between the spaces of finding and losing. We move through life looking for connections and someone who will want to stay and figure us out. We want to fall in love in places we can tell our children stories about. Give yourself a chance and fall in love in bed with a boy who smells like home. Inhale all of him as he plies you with wine and stories you will laugh at and later wonder why they're funny. Believe him when he tells you that you're beautiful because you are. It's funny how all the perceptions we have of ourselves are things reflected back to us by other people. We can only see ourselves through the eyes of others and sometimes that's all the connection you need. So believe him and see your beauty through his eyes and know that for one night, in a bed on which his body can barely fit with his legs dangling from the edges and movies you barely notice streaming in the background, you are perfect. You probably shouldn't be worried about tomorrow. That might seem like a very cliche thing to say but hear me out: isn't love the most cliche thing ever invented? Chemicals in the body and basic chemistry turned into a stimulation for procreation. So please, tonight, embrace the cliche.

"I haven't been to church in a long time. I have a personal relationship with God though and i'm hoping that He feels the same way"

I wonder sometimes how long crushes are built to last before they are no longer crushes and if we, this, whatever this is and whatever we are has crossed over into something else. I have spent years looking for you in other men. The way only one corner of your lip breaks into a smile, how ugly you look after a fresh hair cut, how you straddle the line between asshole and confident. I don't know which version of you i'm going to meet half the time. i think the fact that i never know keeps me here. This is not the night to fix anyone. I have spent countless nights trying to fix you in between countless bottles of white wine and conversations you never allow yourself to have sober. I have loved all of me out for you.

"your skin tastes like honey"

Well, it is the colour of honey. Listen to him tell you about his family, his father, realise how good you've got it. Don't mention that you're in therapy. You are depressed without any reason. You don't have any traumatic incident from your past, your parents think you're happy and well adjusted and you should be. You don't have anything to tell your therapist, no juicy anecdotes, no stories of abuse, you just know that you're depressed. Frankly, you think you bore your therapist. When your therapist asks if you want to hurt yourself in anyway, say no because really you don't. Forget to mention that you've stopped praying before flights, you might not want to harm yourself but you wouldn't mind an act of God, prayer leaving your lips as the cloud makes way for your plane to lose its fight against gravity. You don't say any of that. Just listen to the boy in a bed too small for his body to fit.

"pennies for your thoughts?"

 I am thinking that I do not want to be here. I have this overwhelming need to love someone and also an overwhelming realisation that I might not be capable of such emotions. Tonight we can't even see the stars because we are all trying to be civilised and electricity and  sky scrapers and lights are all required for civilisation. They all outshine the stars. I'm thinking if we finally make this work, we will not be able to include the stars in our narrative because there were so many lights that night, such incredible lights, we barely noticed the skies.

"apparently, 2:22am is the new 9am"

You nudge him awake by 2. You tell him that he needs to leave. You can't sleep with someone lying on your bed. He smiles, smoothes back the hair littered on your face, kisses your forehead and leaves.

"good morning beautiful"

The last person that called me beautiful loved to love me in french. It's a relief that you can love me in a language that my grandmother will approve of. Vulnerability exists in between the spaces of finding and losing and i am willing myself to be vulnerable. I keep reminding myself that all love ends in heartbreak anyway, it shouldn't matter if it happens today or next week or 50 years from now. it will happen eventually and maybe i shouldn't spend every waking minute waiting for it to come. I laid in bed last night with a boy whose body was too big for my bed, willing him to kiss me but instead i just fit neatly between his arms and conversations and forehead kisses and stolen pecks. It is okay to kiss me, i want to say but i don't. But it is morning now and i have lost all my urge to love to the night.You were too big to fit in my bed, too big to fit in my heart.


Saturday, September 22, 2012

to all the boys I could have loved.

CO - i wish with all my heart that i could love you.

CH - i don't know what i ever saw in you. i'm so glad that i snapped out of it. i just watched you from across the room one day and just snapped out of it. i'm sorry your father beat your mother but that is no excuse for potentially becoming him.

NO - you were too sensible for me. i did not need sensible at 15.

CO - i wish with all my heart that i could love you.

NW - you are the definition of negging. you probably invented that shit. at that time i thought it was cute that someone who hated me so much, suddenly liked me just as much. now, i know it was not cute. i do not enjoy being an experiment.

LO - i don't know why your girlfriend doesn't like me. i said no. i did not want you then, i do not want you now. we were young with patched lips, i don't think that counts.

CO - you deserve so much more than me.

RI - i don't know if it was the french accent or the body, but i've never liked anyone as much as i liked you. you ruined you for me. i drank a glass full of you and didn't get drunk. i wanted drunk. sober wasn't fun anymore.

ME - we made too much sense.  i knew from day 1 we'd never happen.

BI - I saw you for the first time in forever last week and regretted it.

LO - you are still my biggest mistake.

CO - i wish with all my heart that you weren't too good for me.

MI - i am done writing you love letters.

RO - i wrote the last batch of poems you'll ever feature in last night. i have finally accepted that this black skin will never melt into your middle eastern skin. you should accept that fact too. oh, and i hope you're happy with your arranged marriage.

CA - i enjoyed the money you spent on me. i missed that when i cut you off. i'm sorry i couldn't be one of many. i do not like sharing.

EM - we are not in a relationship. and stop having your mother call me.

RO - i fasted during ramadan for you.

CO - you are too kind for me. i don't deserve you.

GH - you dated my friend. do i really need to say more?

CA - telling a woman that you'd definitely cheat on her but she'd be your first and foremost concern is a fine touch, definitely the best thing to tell a girl you're asking out. you should use that line more often.

JI - you did not look like your name. i'm glad we ended the things we never even started.

MI - the crowded loneliness of college makes it so easy to fall in love doesn't it?

ON - you were gorgeous. i just refuse to date a republican.

LO - you are my biggest mistake.

CO - i wish with all my heart that i could love you.

BR - i wanted you between strip clubs and loud mouths and speckled art. i wanted you between comedy clubs and rowdy friends and new orleans and austin. i wanted you but you chose the suns of california and i chose comfort. you pulled out the girl i want so much to be, you should know that i lost her right after you left.



Wednesday, August 29, 2012

self proclaimed nice boys.

there are few things i hate in life more than i hate self proclaimed nice guys. you know, those guys who think you should be dating them because according to them, they are nice. the fact that you think that because you're nice some girl is required to date you is so fucking stupid, it's almost delusional.
i've been asked out a bunch of times by this guy that most of my friends know and recently, i told the guy that i'm just not attracted to him and silly boy sends me a long ass email telling me how i'm never going to meet anyone that is as 'nice' as him and how maybe when i actually have a boyfriend and end up with a dick then i'll know what i missed and how 'nice guys finish last' and all girls are always complaining about 'dating arseholes when they choose them themselves'. so, this 'nice' guy thinks he's so 'nice' but he sends me a long arse email telling me how i'm going to end up with an arsehole boyfriend because i turned him down. wow. how nice of him to remind me why i should be dating him.
i have no patience for boys who parrot the whole 'nice guys finish last' stupid crap. no, that girl does not want to date you because she doesn't like you.
i was totally going to ignore said boy but i got on tumblr to tumblr away my anger and lo and behold, i find this bullshit of a facebook comment on my TL. so this boy thinks this girl owes him something because he has been 'nice' to her. he thinks calling her out on facebook and insulting her infront of all her friends and family is to show her how 'nice' he's been to her. obviously, all this niceness is obviously in his head because he just ended up being a dick to her on facebook.

self proclaimed nice boys are the fucking worse and no one owes you shit because you think you're nice.


Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Finding God.

I'm trying to be a better christian. I'm trying to believe again, i'm trying to rebuild my faith again. i'm trying to find God in the little things in life. i'm trying to build a personal relationship with him again. Maybe try church again. Maybe be happy. Maybe have peace of mind.
I really don't know when i lost Him. I just stopped believing. I just had too many doubts. I'm trying to find him again. I'm not just trying to be a christian. i want to be a better person. i want to be kinder, i want to be happier. Happy. I don't remember the last time i was happy. ss2 maybe? I don't know. I just want to be happy. Peace of mind. It is comforting believing in something bigger than you, believing that someone out there is watching over you, isn't it? I'm just torn with christianity because there is so much i'd like to not believe that this God who is ever so loving is capable of.
Like all good, amazing people who happen to be muslim or any other religion are going to hell? i can't even wrap my head around that. Can't reconcile this merciful God with that.
I downloaded the bible on my iphone, i am going to start reading it again from Mark (God manifested as a man), Hosea (God's disposition towards his people), Acts (the formation of the early church), Songs of Solomon (God as a romantic), Ephesians and galatians( christian principles) and then everything in between. I got this list from the tumblr of one of my favourite poets - Alysia Harris. She's a Christian who fasts during ramadan. lol. I love her.
So i'm going to be reading 10 verses compulsory every morning and night and more if I so please. Hopefully, i see this through.

I got an email this morning from my poetry teacher from last year, she wanted to know if i'd kept up with my writing. I love writing, i really do and when i'm in a writing class (i'm an English minor with a creative writing discipline), i write these beautiful pieces because i have to write them but once that term finishes and i'm stuck with just my engineering and chemistry classes i don't write anything. She wants me to do the 30 day poetry challenge where I write one poem a day at the end of the next 30 days and she wants me to send them to her so that she can hold me to my word. I'm really excited about doing this and i feel amazing that she thought i was good enough to look up and encourage me to keep writing. so, i'm going to be doing that too.

i'm also going to start journaling. I don't know. i think you get a perspective on things if you write them down and read them back to yourself.

i want to stop avoiding things in my life. when i have a problem with someone, i avoid them like my life depends on it, i just don't do confrontation. i never even talk it over with the person, i just cut them out of my life. it scares me how fast i can do that, just wake up and decide to cut someone out of my life. it's scary and i want to start facing my problems head on.
i get triggered by somethings. the news for example, i haven't watched or read the news purposefully since 2009, i deleted facebook to avoid political comments from people, i've moved to avoid hateful people in my life. At some point, we all have to stop running, i guess.

I've decided to start making To-Do Lists. i've realised that when i have a list telling me to do something, i achieve more that day. now, i'm just actually lazy to write the darn To-Do lists these days.

i'm determined to become a better person and hopefully, a little happier. In fact, i'll take content any day over what i am right now.

One day at a time.

'the only darkness we should allow into our lives is the night, and even then, we have the moon.' - warsan shire


Friday, August 10, 2012

the universe is freaking bringing me a man y'all

So, i was talking to my friend recently and she was telling me how the universe gives us everything we want if we're just bold enough to ask and put it out there (which is funny because i've been asking for money since forever but okay). So, she told me that she met her boyfriend a week after she wrote a list of everything she wants in a guy and put it up on a board in her room, looked at it every morning so as not to forget, and just let the universe bring him into her life. Viola!! 7 days later, honey walks into her life. I know her boyfriend, he's amazing and he's everything she's ever wanted but still, the universe? sigh. i'm quite skeptical to say the least. Did we suddenly stop believing in coincidence around here? i laughed so hard and she said i should just try it and actually try to believe that the universe will send me my heart desires. i'm really liking this universe, people. this universe doesn't even ask for much, just write what you want people and leave it out for the universe to see and send you exactly what you want. she even asked me to do a vision board which actually sounds interesting. I believe in this as much as i believe in astrology which is not at all.
then she goes the whole 'what if it actually exists?' route. sigh. it doesn't hurt does it? so i wrote what i want. do you think the universe takes height and weight requirements too? gosh, i really hope so. can't have the universe sending me a short man y'all.

this is the list i wrote:

- kindness: i want a kind boy. kindness is very high on my list, i want to be with someone who i know is kind to people. you can tell a lot about other people by how they treat strangers and close family. kindness is so underrated these days. i swear, especially on twitter, people lash out like they have a quota of meanness that they absolutely have to dish out a day.

- friends: i absolutely want someone to be my friend. anyone i can talk to and feel comfortable around, i know i can absolutely marry. i'm one of those people who can absolutely do without being head over heels in love with someone. i was giving my very close friend advice about her ex-boyfriend and she threw the classic 'you're only saying this because you've never been in love' in my face. yes, i've never been in love and i don't think i want to be either.

- sexual chemistry - i guess this is pretty important.

- ambitious: my dad is probably the most ambitious man i've ever met. i can't imagine ever even being friends with someone with no ambition talk more of marrying this said person. people with absolutely no ambition in life need to stay away from me, universe.

everything else is pretty negotiable for me as long as he is not short(ha!!).

i'm just asking that the universe wait a couple more years, 20 years and counting and i'm still enjoying being single because of reasons. so yeah, if you're single and getting old, it's your fault, obviously. the universe has just been there waiting for you to write it already, the universe is not going to beg people. it's not.

i hope y'all are having a good summer. my summer was horrible. i'm applying to grad school this upcoming semester, i really hope i get in and get an assistantship or something.

let me know what would be on your list to the universe. you never know, i guess.


Friday, July 20, 2012

how to love someone who doesn't love you back

      You will meet him at a meeting. you will like all of him - all tough hair and coloured contacts. He is going to be an asshole or a jerk or just confident, you'll spend your time trying to figure out which. He will see it fit to gift you with little acts of kindness that keep you thinking that he may someday be able to love you back. On days when he is being a jerk, you will see yourself through his eyes - all skin and bones and words that never leave your lips. You will stay because he makes everyday a mystery, everyday is a day filled with the possibility of being loved. You will play unrequited love songs over and over again till your itunes feels your pains and your shuffle understands your mood. You will listen to Frank Ocean's 'thinking about you' over and over again because only Frank gets you.

     You will enjoy being in the passenger's seat while his iphone shuffles music into the thick air between you. There is a certain closeness that listening to music that he deemed fit to put on his phone brings. your ears given privileges to peek a little into stages in his life when he stayed awake listening to that same song. You will wish that you were going somewhere farther. You will wish that you weren't one of 4 people in the car. You will fall in love between drunk conversations and sounds of puke hitting the concrete outside the club. You will be grateful for fleeting, barely audible touches on skin, on places the sun cannot see. You will be grateful for whatever you get and you should. Remind yourself frequently that he doesn't have to do this. Again, he is doing you a favour.
       You will fall in love inside tents under dark skies and air filled with yesterday's sweat and unbrushed teeth. You will hold nights like these tightly, spend nights talking to him about a God he isn't sure he believes in anymore, you're going to fall more for the lost boy who doesn't see it fit to trust his life and fate into the lives of a Creator. You hope one day you will stop calling him so much, stop waiting hours for his text message, get used to the unanswered text messages. Loving someone who doesn't love you back is an art, you have to practice often to become perfect. You have to maximise every time he deems fit to spare you. Remember, you're lucky he could spend time with you tonight. 

      Fall in love with someone who won't/can't/doesn't love you back at least once in your life, it gives you perspective. In here lies a certain kind of immortality.


Monday, July 2, 2012

anything else you want me to change?

it's funny, i'm about to turn 21 in a couple of months and i have 15 hours to graduate from my two majors and minors. everyone and their fathers have started giving me relationship advice on how to 'get this man that i'm going to marry'. it's weird. apparently 21 is the magic number. every guy you're seen with is suddenly a 'potential', even though said guy is just your friend who is practically engaged. they don't care. are you walking with him? yes? then he's a potential.
it's funny really when people give me such ridiculous advice about marriage.
people make me laugh with their silly views and ideas of marriage cos i really think your advice and what you think you know is irrelevant. especially people who think because they're married they have all the answers. all 'you need to cook' and do this and do that, i'm always like 'but girl, i'm not marrying your husband, just because you're married doesn't mean you know what MY husband will like'.
i'm not saying don't listen to advice but don't come at me with your silly unsolicited advices, if i don't ask for it, please keep it to yourself. my parents, family friends and relatives have been married for so long, and have relationships that i've been around and love, if i wanted marriage advice i think i'd ask people who i actually respect their advice and have seen them interact with each other.

considering how much pressure people have placed on me to just get in a relationship. 'try it out', they all say, 'you never know till you actually get into one'. i don't know. i'm not going to get into a subpar relationship cos people want me to JUST GET INTO ONE ALREADY!! fact is, if you feel the person is not right for you now, he will not magically change once you get into a relationship. he is still that same person. considering that men are usually on their best behaviour when they are asking you out, he's probably just going to get worse when you just get into that relationship just to be in a relationship. cooking is such a sore spot for me. fact is, i loveee cooking. it's just not my selling point. men who consider that my selling point are really getting taken off the potential list. if cooking is really what you're using to weed out girls, i don't want to date you. seriously, we're on a first date and you're already saying 'i hope you can cook', just know that from that point i'm just there for the free food. if cooking is what is going to make me pass this test that means that there are billions of women out there who are exactly what you're looking for, how about you move on to them?
i once asked a guy: 'have you ever said:"because she can cook, she is a good person?"' and the dude said 'yes' and i told him 'you must have such terrible people in your lives'.

it's funny how much people want you to change in order to be married. bitch please, i'm not even 21. i'm not in a hurry and then you're hit with 'why don't you say that to me 5 years from now?'. sigh.
'oh change the way you dress', 'oh learn how to cook', 'oh you need to clean after him too', 'don't be too argumentative', 'you intimidate men', 'can you stop with the feminist crap?'. why don't you write me a whole list while you're at it and let me completely change who i am.
i am not going to change who i am so that some guy will like me. i can't be unhappy and lose myself because i'm trying to attract some man. seriously, how about changing things about yourself that YOU want to change? concentrate and make yourself a better woman. become who you would want to marry if the roles were reversed. stop trying to fit yourself into the stereotypical:'what a man wants' envelope. you have not spoken to all men. 'oh, she's been married for 10 years, she knows what she's talking about'. who gives a fuck?! she's talking about what HER husband likes. be who you would want to marry if the roles were reversed. you want a woman who can cook? dude, pick up a pot and be able to make yourself a meal. you want a man who earns a lot of money? earn a lot of money, girl.

you know girls who are all 'oooh, i don't mind if he takes me to mama put on our first day, it's all about his heart and all about love'. HA HA HA, if that's what you want, more power to you. but ladies, if you're saying craps like these on twitter because you think it makes you sound modest? uhhh, yeah. please put out what you want out there, stop using your mouth to bring ridiculousness into your life. be open about what you want. don't let these men that won't marry you tell you what you should be doing or saying to get a man. 

sigh, this is just a long rant. i'm just tired. i just had the most bizarre argument ever and i just thought i should vent cos i'm so mad right now. i get enough stupidity from the male folks, i shouldn't be getting it from girls too. seriously. sorry for the rant or any errors, just can't be bothered to read through.


Monday, June 25, 2012

why have you never had a boyfriend?

- i'm a horrible person, can't you tell by reading my blog? i'm just a horrible, horrible bitch.

- i'm ugly. dude, i'm an egg on twitter, i've been on twitter for almost two years and i'm still an egg. obviously, i'm ugly. nobody wants me man.

- everyone knows relationships are for losers. come on, what sane person is actually in a relationship? they're for really creepy, clingy people.

- everyone knows relationships are like the world cup. you can only indulge in it once every four years. i've missed my window every 4 years. i have to wait till 2015 to be eligible to contest again.

- i'm too thin for nigerian men. i don't have boobs, ass, hips. come on, are you just asking me this to make me feel bad about my body?! i already said i was ugly, now you want me to admit that my body is like a stick too?!

- there are too many applications for this position. i'm lazy, i just can't be bothered to go through all of it. in fact, i need a personal assistant to clear this shit out. the applications for this position is overwhelming!! overwhelming i tell you!!!

- i'm too picky. what am i going to do with a hot guy with no money?! or an ugly guy with all the money?! i want it all man, i want it all!!!

- i'm too hot. men literally die from the thought of being with me. this beauty is a blessing and a curse man. y'all don't know how hard it is to be this pretty and attractive. you don't know. you don't know my life!! you don't know how hard this life of beauty is!! you just don't know!!!

- everyone poops - why would i want to be stuck with someone who poops? like this right here literally writes itself.

- i'm igbo, i just haven't met someone with enough money.

- my eggs are in such high demand, i figure i should preserve it and sell it to the highest bidder.

- i'm shallow, why do you comb your hair from back to front?! why?! how can i introduce you to my family if you comb your hair from back to front? how?!

- no one deserves me. the amazingness that is me is too amazing to be discussed.


Sunday, June 17, 2012

how to be single.

Meet a man. Talk to him at a party. watch him switch between spanish, french, and english. have a conversation about your country with him. stare at him wistfully as you announce that you're leaving. watch him not ask for your number. go home. stalk him on facebook. receive a friend request from him. let him tell you how he forgot to ask for your number. be secretly happy but don't mention it. make him wait. tell him you don't need more friends. agree to meet for drinks. remind him that you're not 21. make him sneak you into a 21 and older bar. argue with him about your country some more. let him tell you about his. tell him that he's the first american you've met that's trilingual. say 'trousers' and 'lift'. giggle as he makes fun of your accent. let him drop you home. talk to him everyday. let him introduce you to his friends. listen to them ask you if you're an 'african princess'. giggle. say no. giggle some more. spend a weekend out of town with him and his friends. let them badger you into drinking. have one drink. don't have more. go see 'The Black Keys' with him. don't wear sunscreen. dance till the clubs close the next morning. crash. wake up. do it all over again. let him make fun of your celibacy. giggle. let him send you pictures of ridiculous things. let him make you laugh. start liking him. go to poetry cafes with him. let him make you lunch. puke up your lunch. watch him look offended. watch him try to hide it. assure him that you have a low gag reflex. say 'it's not your food, it's me'. refuse to cook for him. let him call you sexy casually one day. smile. meet more of his friends. go have breakfast for dinner with him. hate his dog. no. be scared of his dog. make him hide it when you come. know that this is strike one against you. listen to his dreams. study with him. laugh too hard. like him more. giggle some more. go swimming with him. let him comment on your legs. smile coyly. let him offer you swimming lessons. have more breakfasts with him...for dinner. let him comment on how much you read.  let his friends call you 'the pretty nigerian'. be smug. love his friends more. like him even more. let him apply for his dream job. pray that he gets it even though you know he wont. he gets an interview. now, pray that he doesn't get it. he gets it. he graduates. remember his race. remember your parents won't like this. let him ask for an LDR. decline. enjoy the last couple of days you have. go back to the club he sneaked you into for the last time with him. spend a couple of days with him. watch him leave. let him call you. ignore.


Monday, April 16, 2012

a heads up to the boyfriend

- do not feed me pizza. i don't care how amazing it is or how that little place in austin got featured on 'great little eats', i don't care if we're in italy and i just 'must try the pizza, it's italy'. you are not allowed to feed me pizza. i think my hate for pizza has something to do with the first and only time i watched porn...there was a pizza delivery boy.

- i never shave my legs. this makes it sound like i shave it sometimes so let me rephrase. i have never shaved my legs and do not intend to start anytime soon, so feel free to grow that non-existent moustache you've always wanted to grow since primary 5.

- i am that girl who never gets hit on in nigerian clubs. more importantly, i am that flat, tall girl who is not supposed to be in heels and cannot dance at the back of the club. i look awkward and i fail at trying to be sexy. disregard the makeup on my face if any, my friends put it on me.

- i do enjoy cooking, so you will sit through every single horrible food i put out and you will tell me how amazing they are.
(blink twice if you're lying, so that i never serve that again). i love baking cupcakes, they are so pretty but i hate how they taste, so yeah, you will be required to finish them off and still be in shape.

- you will learn how to cook.

- i really do not mind doing your laundry, if you do not mind doing mine.

- i adore 'moulin rouge' and you will sit there and watch it with me AND sing along. this is not a compromise. you will pretend to like it.

- i will sit through your footballs, basketballs and american footballs. i did not say i would watch them with you. i said i'd sit through them. interpret that in whatever way you deem fit.

- i need you tall.

- we will argue. you will tell me the things i do that annoy you so that i can keep doing them. you will hate me at some point, that's cool too.

- you will agree that fried yam>>>fried plantain. this is all we need for a successful relationship. just this. this is number one on my 'things i need in a boyfriend list'.

- knowing me, you're probably benin or hausa or white...just to piss my aunties off.

- we will eventually break up or get married. 2 options. just 2 options.

- you will love me. enough for both of us. you will need all of that to keep me. i want to be kept.


Sunday, March 25, 2012

100 books challenge : book #4, 5 and 6

book #4: A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini

Reasons for reading the book: everyone recommended it after i read The Kite Runner by the same author and i always read every book in an author's collection if i started reading his work from the first book.

Quote: “Learn this now and learn it well. Like a compass facing north, a man’s accusing finger always finds a woman. Always. You remember that, Mariam.”

“One could not count the moons that shimmer on her roofs,or the thousand splendid suns that hide behind her walls.”


Genre: Historical Fiction

Rating(out of 10 stars): 9.0

Summary: A Thousand Splendid Suns is at once an incredible chronicle of thirty years of Afghan history and a deeply moving story of family, friendship, faith, and the salvation to be found in love. Now, in this lavishly designed edition of the novel, the narrative is enhanced by expressive photos that capture the people and culture of the region in vivid detail and reflect the book's powerful themes, so apt for our times: the passionate search for family, home, acceptance, a healthy society, and a promising future-regardless of the obstacles.

Review: I loved this book, i enjoyed reading it. the thing about this book is that i won't recommend it to someone who doesn't enjoy reading, it takes some time to get into. it draws you in eventually, yes, but it takes it time, it starts very slow. actually, at some point, i stopped reading it and finished an entire book before picking it up again because i just can't leave a book unfinished. but finally, all the details are worth it in the end. at first, you wonder why the author wants you to know these things, how are these stories related, how is it all going to end. the ending actually made me cry, i was lying on my bed, reading this book and straight bawling and crying my eyes out. it's been so long since a book made me cry.
i had some problems with the book. really, sometimes i find Khaled's descriptions and imagery to be a tad bit cliche, i don't know. they seem forced, like he is trying too hard. the best literature i've ever read never pointed out things to me, they painted me a picture and let me see it. i love effortless imagery, and frankly, even though i thought this was wayyy better than 'The Kite Runner', i still had the same problems i had with the kite runner.
By no means, am i telling you not to read this book. read it, i gave it a 9 out of 10 stars for a reason. it's an amazing book. takes you through the generations in Afghanistan through the lives of two very different women with very different backgrounds. Read it because it's very relevant in today's literary world and it will make you cry. this book may not be the best book that i've ever read, but i know for a fact that it's one of those books that i will always remember.

Would i recommend this book? Absolutely, i loved it.

Book #5: Drums, Girls & Dangerous Pie by Jordan Sonnenblick

Reasons for reading: I really don't know why i read this book, i guess i was interested in the subject matter and the name had a catch to it.

Quote: “Instead of agonizing about the things you can't change, why don't you try working on the things you can change”

length: 273 (large characters though)

Genre:couldn't find anything but they did mention it was aimed at children and young teenagers.

Rating(out of 10 stars): 6.5

Summary: Thirteen-year-old Steven has a totally normal life: he plays drums in the All-Star Jazz band, has a crush on the hottest girl in the school, and is constantly annoyed by his five-year-old brother, Jeffrey. But when Jeffrey is diagnosed with leukemia, Steven's world is turned upside down. He is forced to deal with his brother's illness and his parents' attempts to keep the family in one piece. Salted with humor and peppered with devastating realities, DRUMS, GIRLS, AND DANGEROUS PIE is a heartwarming journey through a year in the life of a family in crisis.

Review: I liked this book. i really don't have much to say about it since i don't really fall within their target audience but i still enjoyed it. it's told in the first person narrative and the narrator has such a unique and funny voice that i really enjoyed. Sometimes, i got kinda bummed out about the whole brother having cancer situation but there is so much more going on in this book than that subject matter. i think everyone can find something to relate to in this book and i bought it for cheap in amazon since i plan to own books at the end of this exercise i can't really borrow from someone else.

Would i recommend this? Sure, if you have some money to spare or you pick it up at your local library.

Book #6: 'Paper Towns' by John Green

Reasons for reading: Recommended by community sparknotes.

Quote: “It's more impressive," I said out loud. "From a distance, I mean. You can't see the wear on things, you know? You can't see the rust or the weeds or the paint cracking. You see the place as someone once imagined it.”

“What a treacherous thing to believe that a person is more than a person.”

Length: 305 pages

Genre: Young Adult

Rating(out of 10 stars): 4.5

Summary: When Margo Roth Spiegelman beckons Quentin Jacobsen in the middle of the night—dressed like a ninja and plotting an ingenious campaign of revenge—he follows her. Margo’s always planned extravagantly, and, until now, she’s always planned solo. After a lifetime of loving Margo from afar, things are finally looking up for Q . . . until day breaks and she has vanished. Always an enigma, Margo has now become a mystery. But there are clues. And they’re for Q.

Review: I bought this book because i've heard a lot about John Greene and his amazing young adult books. I did not like this book cos frankly, i never got the point of this book. it was so annoying. i only finished because once i start a book, i absolutely have to finish it. i don't want to ruin it for you and this book has almost 5 perfect stars from 220 reviews on amazon and i really wish that i had gotten the hype, i prayed to get the hype. i'm going to read 2 more John Greene books before i absolutely decide that he either sucks or i'm just not his target audience. i enjoyed the writing, he has absolutely fabulous images and he is a good writer, he just does not have a good story. nothing happened. if you've read this book and you absolutely loved it please let me know, i'd love to have a discussion about it.

Would i recommend this book? there really isn't any book i wouldn't recommend. I hated it, a lot of people loved it. so you might be one of those people.

let me know of any recommendations or books you think i should buy. i think i'm just going to stop here, i have so many books lined up to review. i hope y'all are having a good weekend cos i had an amazing weekend.


Sunday, March 4, 2012

not good enough

so i'm taking a break from the books to actually made a personal entry. this weekend i've been thinking a lot about my life and being single and the future and i've only been thinking about this because i had lunch with a couple of friends this past saturday and we were talking for a bit and they were talking about people who loved being single and 'choosy people' and my name kept rolling off their tongue so easily and i was right there.
whenever one of my friends christina asks me for advise on something relating to a boy and i tell her what I think, she always goes 'i wish i can be more like you, you don't need anybody', i used to take that as a compliment, i like that people saw me as independent but lately, it''s been bugging me a lot because...i don't know. i'm terribly afraid of being cheated on, i think that's one of the reasons that i've never really been in a relationship, to be honest. i can't imagine how people deal with being cheated on, i'd be devastated, i'd feel not good enough. if i was good enough you wouldn't need another and there is nothing i hate more than not being good enough and i think my ego more than anything else would be hurt.
last year, i almost dated a guy who i didn't find the least bit attractive just because he was a nice guy, not one of those self proclaimed nice guys who are secretly assholes. he was nice, we used to talk a lot and he was always there for me, he asked me out a couple of times and i said i just wanted to be friends and the last time he asked me out i almost said yes, cos i just knew he was one of those guys who would never cheat on me. i was going to date him specifically because i didn't want to be cheated on, that's when i realised it wasn't fair to him and i'd get resentful if i ever get into such a relationship.
i've never been in love, never met a guy i couldn't do without, oh i've liked people. my friends tell me that relationships are like jobs, i need to get into one for the experience, the first one doesn't have to be the love of my life. fact is, i need someone i can talk to, be friends with, laugh with, i need someone who'd get my sense of humor, love or at least tolerate my love for adult cartoons and moulin rouge. the last guy i talked to, we talked for a couple of months and i knew nothing about him, nothing, he never had anything to tell me apart from how much he liked me, it was flattering at first but after a while, it got annoying and irritating plus i knew he didn't know me at all. if you don't know me, i really don't know what about me that you supposedly like.
He doesn't know that i can't remember the last time i cried, that i write poetry, that i'm a creative writing minor, even twitter knows these little things about me and i'm an egg on there. i'd like someone to know the little things about me and be friends with me.
so yeah, i'm not 'picky' or 'choosy' as my friends said, i just haven't found what i'm looking for.

hope your weekend were great cos mine was crappy. read a couple of books that i'm going to review later this week. you can check out all my reviews and recommend more books.


Saturday, February 25, 2012

100 books challenge : book #2 and 3

so yeah, i just finished the 3rd book in my 100 book challenge series and below are my reviews.

book #2: Anna and the French Kiss by Stephanie Perkins

Reason for reading: someone recommended it to me as a good YA book.

quote: “For the two of us, home isn't a place. It's a person. And finally we're home."

length: 372 pages

genre: young adult

rating(out of 10 stars): 6.5

summary: Anna was looking forward to her senior year in Atlanta, where she has a great job, a loyal best friend, and a crush on the verge of becoming more. So she's less than thrilled about being shipped off to boarding school in Paris-until she meets Etienne St. Clair. Smart, charming, beautiful, Etienne has it all . . . including a serious girlfriend.

But in the City of Light, wishes have a way of coming true. Will a year of romantic near-misses end with their long-awaited French kiss?(from amazon book description)

review: okay, i really liked this book. it was a really good book that i'd recommend to everyone. it was well written and wasn't decorated as anything other than what it is - a young adult book. it's about teenagers being friends, navigating through life, falling in love. i enjoyed this book, i couldn't put it down. it's not good in that 'omG!! life changing' way, it's good in that 'oh, i need something fluffy to read way'.
something i dislike about this book though is the title - 'Anna and the french kiss', it's so silly and immature. i don't understand how you'd finish writing your book and decide to call it 'anna and the french kiss'. because of the title, i could not read it at school, i only read it in the cover of my own home.
also, tiny things bugged me about this book. while the girl lived in france, she was learning how to conjugate -er verbs in french. i wish the author had done more research, she mistook passe simple endings for passe composer endings and it kinda bugged me through out the book. also, towards the end, the characters were always crying, i couldn't keep track of who was crying. in fact, the more i type this, the more i think i should give this book a 6.

would i recommend it? totally, despite the little things, i still loved it. it was a good read.

book #3: 'The Kite Runner' by Khaled Hosseini

reason for reading: i browse through books on amazon all the time and it had a really good rating on amazon, so i decided to order it and read.

quote: “I wondered if that was how forgiveness budded; not with the fanfare of epiphany, but with pain gathering its things, packing up, and slipping away unannounced in the middle of the night.”

“The problem, of course, was that [he] saw the world in black and white. And he got to decide what was black and what was white. You can't love a person who lives that way without fearing him too. Maybe even hating him a little.”

length: 324 pages

genre: Historical Fiction

rating(out of 10 stars): 8.5

summary: The Kite Runner follows the story of Amir, the privileged son of a wealthy businessman in Kabul, and Hassan, the son of Amir's father's servant. As children in the relatively stable Afghanistan of the early 1970s, the boys are inseparable. They spend idyllic days running kites and telling stories of mystical places and powerful warriors until an unspeakable event changes the nature of their relationship forever, and eventually cements their bond in ways neither boy could have ever predicted. Even after Amir and his father flee to America, Amir remains haunted by his cowardly actions and disloyalty. In part, it is these demons and the sometimes impossible quest for forgiveness that bring him back to his war-torn native land after it comes under Taliban rule.

review: i don't know where to start with this book. i need to collect my thoughts. i liked this book, i didn't love it. i thought for a first book, it was excellently written. really, Khaled is an amazing writer but at times, i think he compensates. some places in the book i felt like he was telling me what he wanted me to see, the things he wanted me to notice, he wasn't letting his story tell itself. also, i knew exactly what was going to happen before it did. i predicted everything right before he made his move, don't get me wrong, it was still fascinating when i actually got to the reveal but it deducted points from the book. i started this book late last night and finished this morning because it was engrossing. it's not the type of book you start and want to let go the first half but after a while, it simply draws out, after a while, you just want it to end.
when he talked about his childhood, it had you flipping pages, he paints vivid pictures and takes you on a journey around his neighborhood, around his childhood but once he grows up you stop taking that journey with him. once he loses his innocence, you absolutely lose your trust in his narration, that's the thing with the first person narration of this book. i feel like an omniscient narrator would have done it justice.
also, i found some of his writings to be cliche but he has some pretty unique stuff that more than makes up for it, i felt giddy reading the first half of this book, so many quotables, so many things to steal, so much good use for words.
nonetheless, i really enjoyed reading this book and it stayed on the new york times best selling list for about 2 years and it has such fantastic reviews. even if you're not interested, read it just to have an opinion on it because this is the few middle eastern book settings out there, read it because it's relevant in modern literature, read it for the first half of the book, it more than makes up for the rest of the book.

would i recommend this book? absolutely, i enjoyed it. and i'll definitely will be reading his second book soon.

let me know of any book you think i should read. i already put all of the ones recommended last post on my wish list on amazon and will be ordering them sometime this week except for hunger games. i've read the hunger games and i actually own them, good books.

i hope y'all are having a good weekend? if you've read any of these books, let me know what you think about them in the comments!! don't forget to leave a recommendation.


Thursday, February 16, 2012

100 books challenge.

so i've decided that i'm going to do a 100 books challenge this year. this means that i'm going to read and own 100 new books by the end of the year. i've decided that i'm going to blog about it and review a new book every other sunday and blog about my life and other unrelated matters on saturday. for me to achieve this goal, i have to read 3 books every week. i'm really excited about this. i just finished my first book 'the truth about forever' by dessen which i'm going to review at the end of this post to kick things off. i ordered 5 books from amazon the day before yesterday and hopefully, i can find the time to read them between taking 20 hours and 8 classes. i'm going to have to be extremely dedicated and organised to pull this off but i think this is going to make me a much better person in the long run. if you have any books in mind that you want me to read and review or you have read and want to recommend to me then leave a comment for me and i'll read it if i haven't already read it. this challenge does not include any of the books i've read earlier this year, this challenge starts from the book i finished this week and the 99 more i'm going to buy and read. there are so many books in the world aren't there?

book #1: 'The Truth about Forever' by Sarah Dessen

Reason for Reading: a friend of mine recommended this book to me when i said i needed something light hearted to read.

quote: “It's just that...I just think that some things are meant to be broken. Imperfect. Chaotic. It's the universe's way of providing contrast, you know? There have to be a few holes in the road. It's how life is.”

length: 374 pages

genre: young adult

rate(out of 10 stars): 5.

summary: A long, hot summer… that’s what Macy has to look forward to while her boyfriend, Jason, is away at Brain Camp. Days will be spent at a job in the library, evenings will be filled with vocabulary drills for the SATs, and spare time will be passed with her mother, the two of them sharing silent grief at the traumatic loss of Macy's father. But sometimes unexpected things can happen--things such as the catering job at Wish, with its fun-loving, chaotic crew. Or her sister's project of renovating the neglected beach house, awakening long-buried memories. Things such as meeting Wes, a boy with a past, a taste for truth-telling, and an amazing artistic talent, the kind of boy who can turn any girl’s world upside down. As Macy ventures out of her shell, she begins to wonder, is it really better to be safe than sorry? (summary from amazon book description)

review: i personally thought this book was pure fluff, the only reason i continued reading was because i had just finished the first book of 'The Lord of the Rings' and desperately wanted to read something light. i didn't get much from this book. i didn't hate it but i didn't like it. once i finished it, i couldn't even remember half of what happened. it was light hearted and a fun read but considering the fact that i read the above amazon description before buying it i thought the death of the father was going to give it a bit of a deep side but it really didn't. i finished it because it was just 374 pages and i try to never leave a book unfinished. also, i'm giving it a 5 because the writer's choice of words didn't interest me at all, it wasn't bad but i didn't find it to be so wonderful either.
would i recommend this? yes. if you love lighthearted, high school romance, you'd love this.

p.s: i got this idea from sparksnote, their community site. this girl is doing a 100 book challenge and reviewing them and it thought it'd be a fun challenge to do.

don't forget to leave a book recommendation!! i know i'm going to need a whole lot if i want to read 100 books. also, if you want me to check out your blog, just let me know. i want to get back into blogging like i used to and need to check out new blogs!!!

have a good weekend. this weekend is mardi gras so i know i'm already going to have a splendid one.

current song on my itunes: bez - more you.


Sunday, February 5, 2012


you know that guy who asked you out last year that you really liked?
and you were really going to date him but things didn't work out last minute?
and it was totally your fault?
and now he's moved on, has a girlfriend, graduated, moved away?
and he comes back into town
and you just want to see him so that he can regret ever letting you go?
anyone? anyone? no one?
yeah, me neither.

hope y'all had a wonderful weekend. it's crawfish season!!! i had 3lbs of crawfish yesterday with potatoes and corns!!!


Saturday, January 28, 2012

Housekeeping and man theory bants.

i'm just going to jump right into it. happy new year everyone, i hope this year started really well for you and i pray it continues that way.
anyway, in 2009 i was talking to this guy that i almost dated, i remember that day pretty well. we were infront of a movie theater about to see a movie and some guys whistled when we walked by and the boy proceeded to tell me that i'm at the peak of my prettiness and that i'll be there for about 4 years and apparently, this is when you're young and men find you extremely attractive and eventually, in four years, it fizzles out and you're just some girl who is now desperately looking for a boyfriend(that is if you didn't make use of your peak years well).
now, i didn't think anything of this when the boy said this to me 3 years ago, i just laughed, i think i only heard him telling me that i'm pretty so i was quite flattered.
just recently, i was asked by this guy i went on a couple of dates with to be his girlfriend and i said no. now, i didn't say no cos he wasn't perfect or anything like that, i said no because he is not nigerian, he is african but not nigerian
now, i already argued with some people on twitter about this reasoning. i want a nigerian boyfriend, this does not in anyway mean that i think that nigerian men are superior, no. in fact this dude i talked to had every single thing i wanted in a boyfriend apart from the fact that he is non nigerian.
i want a nigerian boyfriend because i want someone i have a shared culture with, someone who'd understand my background, someone i don't have to filter and whitewash my background or childhood with. i want someone who'd understand where i'm coming from. i think relationships are already a lot of work. i've done the whole white, asian thing and now that i actually want to stop serial dating and get into a serious relationship i want to do it with a nigerian.

anyway, this is really besides my point. so, when i told my friend that i turned this guy down she said: 'you know you're almost at the end of your peak and soon you'd regret being too picky'. apparently, this theory of a peak in the life of a girl is known by everyone apart from me.
apparently, i'm supposed to settle now and hold onto some guy that i don't want so that in the future in case i don't find anyone that wants me anymore then i can at least have a man for those years when guys have now moved on to the younger, more attractive girls.
i really don't think that i'm too picky, i just refuse to settle. i'm just 20, i believe that i can have it all. i don't think it has to be one or the other. there is still a lot of time to find what i'm looking for, if i start at 20 to start settling then what is going to happen when i'm 25. who will i be settling for when i reach an age i actually want to get married at?

oh, and speaking about marriage. i got a proposal this christmas when i went back to nigeria.
so i met this guy when i was 17, january 2009, i remember this because it was the week i left nigeria for college. i flew from lagos to owerri and my sister met me with the driver to pick me up from the airport and this guy comes running up to us and asked me for my number. i was in a hurry and i knew i wouldn't even be using that number by next week so i just gave away the number. the guy calls me that same day and we got talking and then we started talking about age and he realises that i'm just 17 and he, at that time, just turned 27 so he says lets just be friends because i was too young for him. we became friends, when i got to school in the states, i gave him my number and we've been friends ever since. he's never said anything about dating me, never asked me about my love life, we just never talked about anything like that.
i go home every christmas holiday and every year i've come back he's been out of the country. in 2008, he spent christmas trotting around Europe, in 2009, he spent christmas in south africa. anyway, so i went back home this christmas and he was in nigeria when i went home. he comes and takes my friend and i out, we went to his company dinner with him, hung out with him, got introduced to his friends. it was fun, we were just friends having fun, getting reacquainted and mind you by now dude is 30.
i couldn't unlock my iphone 4s in nigeria, so dude got me a bold 5 to use while i'm in nigeria. fast forward to a couple of days later, i'm in the village celebrating christmas with my family and suddenly, i'm talking to this guy and next thing we start talking about how much he likes me and how he wishes i'd marry him..blah...blah...blah. dude, drove to my village to see me twice, he talked to his mother about me, got his mother to call me to talk to me for him. it was an absolute mess.
he's a really nice guy but obviously, i don't want to have anything to do with a guy 10 years older than me, i like young couples.
we're still friends though, i actually just talked to him today. i hope he finds everything he is looking for.

anyway, i'm supposed to be writing a paper. i just wrote a sentence and decided to take a break and finally blog. this blog is an absolutely mess and i can't proofread this so please forgive my many grammatical errors and numerous typos. hopefully, you get the gist.
hope you had and are still having a wonderful weekend.

current song playing on the iTunes : Dwele - Find a way.